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At times in my life I come across a kind of people and in a blink of an eye I decide I would not like them. Its a simple spontaneous derivation I make out off their first sight and my intuition. Its pretty deliberate and rude; usually making me feel that I have done the right thing by disliking them. I never found an explanation on what makes me develop this scornful attitude toward these people and no matter how much I try I can never get over what I assume at first place. And yes, many times these people in a way have turned out to be sources of harm to me and invariably a pain in my neck. So it works for my good too. But not always.

Now, today I am here to find out what makes me feel such an inhuman sensation. I will write out all the logic I can think of being behind this repulsive submission to an act that seems to be insolent.

It starts with an empty unimportant-looking glance at a person. It is said that every face speaks. It surely does. It does more than just that – it sparks a ‘no’ with a short and obscure ‘n’ and takes the ‘o’ to a length. The ‘no’ is a simple talk by hunch. It sounds meaningless and sordid and is heard only by me.

It could be the face of that person. Or his/her hair. Or anything right from the body language to clothes. Even the person’s voice clicks the instincts if the first glances have failed to. At times the people surrounding that person too play the fuse. And some way or the other after this thing has started I impulsively find a bitterness created in me toward him/her which looks obvious in the way I speak or behave. If by chance, due to compulsions, my instincts do not convert to practicality, the contemn still remains within me though not physically visible.

It can merely be a matter of my tastes, likes and dislikes. It can just be that that the person has confronted me when I am in an unhealthy mood – at the wrong time as it can be said. It could also be the evil in me. Or perhaps its my jealousy that pushes me toward that sort of feeling. (Usually, just usually, we hate people because we infer a jealous stance on them. Then there is an obfuscating difference between hate and dislike that drives some impulses.)

This was about the effects of the first glances. The talk with those ‘special’ persons gives this effect as a continuation or as a start to the pretensions too. I do not like what they say, the way they say, in the tone they say, or in the words they say. Their talk gives an irritation beyond endurance, but still I am compelled to stay calm – I am expected to be calm. Nothing they say appears correct. The words look harsh on ears. Their eyes give soreness in mine. I get an unsavory urge of shouting back with the most ungracious words I can. But I continue with peace – I have my rules.

This can be because of my commitments to several traits I hold. Their talk may find me displeased because I have decided to take it that way. It may be an effect of my decision to dislike that person. It may be because the facts or comments said by that person are true to such an extent that they taste bitter. It can be because I am such an erroneous person that I don’t like to hear good things. I can be because I don’t find that person worthy to teach me – I sometimes feel like asking back who the heck is that guy to preach and tell all that to me. Or I might be a cynic, I may be an obstinate. It may well be the otherwise too – I may be right in doing this.

On some occasions when I find this prejudice not to be a prejudice but something vaguely undefined that has helped me avert a possible harm, all this recreation of possible fallacies comes down to a laughable abstract and only one thing stands out – the ‘me’ who can never be wrong. This has happened and I have felt proud of myself and proud of my intuition. I have thanked God for this presumed knowledge that has helped me. It is of course God who provides such undefined helps.

But when I find this prejudice to be a prejudice and a mistake of my instincts, then I know about the possible breaches in my character and the possible weaknesses I may contain in understanding people. And here I curse myself for committing a foul and destroy any thoughts of the ‘me’ who can never be wrong. What remains is a humble knowledge of my weakness.

Life is not a game that can be played and won – it has to be lived right till the end. If at all there is a victor, it is the ‘we’ who take it to the line and go beyond. If at all there is a loser, it is the life itself that ceases to live when the line is reached. Life ends but we carry on our beings and never end. We are the ultimate and the never-ending. We have been designed that way. Everything else we see and feel will end.

The world is based on assumptions – biased and unbiased. Every fact that comes out is a result of a dim assumption that was made in the first place. We can control the assumptions based on reason, but not the facts that become discoveries. We can control the conclusions to some extents but the reality cannot be altered. All we can do is use the facts and conclusions in a real way, as real as the reality. Getting me? No? What I mean is: have integrity in assumptions and integrity in utilizing the facts and conclusions. This can make or break the whole experiment that can never be lived again. The conclusion is always the eternity.

© 2006 Zubair