window.google_analytics_uacct = "UA-240124-2"; "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> Flowing Emotions
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I SURVIVE
I am dead. Long live my “life”. In the cold darkness of my grave I lie, with a longing to live again, dream again - survive again. But it’s all over. The end has come and there should now shortly be a transition of my spirit to the next world, high above in the skies, unseen and undiscovered. Then there should be a weighing done; an accounting of my deeds – merits and demerits – a decision of my hereafter; the judgment. I should then be thrown into the fires fueled by human mass, or if my Creator decides otherwise, should I enjoy the scents of the everlasting bliss. My hereafter – the END that never ends.

But wait. I am not done yet. Even if I am to die the very next moment, I am still alive. I am not over until I really am. I am here; speaking to you well aware of the possible forthcomings, well aware that everyday I live is but a blessing from my Creator.

Some say “live today for there might be no tomorrow”. Then others say “no matter we have a tomorrow or not, we do have a day after that tomorrow”. But I say “We very well have a ‘day-after-tomorrow’, we also have a ‘tomorrow’ to come. But before that, we have our ‘today’ - the most extravagant gift from The Exalted Creator. Live up to it.”

But have I done anything great by living all these days? Is it a big thing to survive for 19 years? Are these 19 long years long enough to make me feel that I have experienced life? Have I learnt how to live up to my life? Have I learnt to survive?

I guess I did! I am alive.

19 years have passed since my birth, is there anything to celebrate about in it? There are so many who have heard more birthday wishes than me. They have lived more than me and experienced more too. Can this give me a reason to celebrate? I am just among the billions who have seen their numbers getting heavier. Age isn’t anything but a number, and an increment in it never makes me feel like partying. Should it?

6939 days after I have opened my eyes in this biosphere, I am being said “Happy Birthday”, and “Many Happy Returns of the Day”. Why did no one wish me 19 years back, on the day I took birth? Nobody greeted me into this world on that day. I might have cried and cried, but nobody every said “Welcome to the place you belong to”. Or maybe it was said and I don’t remember. Silly me; always complaining!

But for what am I being wished now? And why should I thank for being wished? Does their wishing make any difference? Or is it just another formality? Let me guess. They do it only for one reason – I wish them on their day! But why do I wish them? Because they do it to me? A viscous circle indeed it is. And yes, of course there are always people who do it for another reason – they felt love and affection; the undefined features of life.

Today, I am supposed to be aware of how I spend my 1,440 beautiful moments, and I am to spend them wisely for this is going to decide my next 1440. I got to live today and plan for tomorrow. No matter I am wished by anybody or not, only my Cherisher’s favor is what I long for.

Those who love profoundly never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. Unless I try to do a bit beyond what I have already acquired, I‘ll never grow. Love is my destiny; I live for it, and because of it. I don’t love any person more than myself, and God, I suppose, is not a person. I got love running through my veins and my survival is winged to it. It propels me forward, independent of my past, and out of bounds of my future.

Life is a procession. If I am too fast, I’ll get ahead of it only to cease to live it. If I am too slow it gets ahead of me, leaving me only to regret. In these 19 years I have walked hand in hand with life - learning, teaching, living, and surviving.

But sometimes I run away from my life so that I can see myself coming to where I am. The desire to know about my existence arises to get me out of the true path. But my path itself reminds me of one thing – there is no path on either sides of this path, and I have no other option but to accept it without having any knowledge of it. This continues my procession, my survival.

Sometimes I fear getting older. But again I got no option – I need not resent growing. Many are denied this privilege. I am blessed to see the increasing numbers – I am getting young day by day. I am surviving.

Definitely my day is going to come. I should have a tryst with an end, and a rendezvous with a new beginning; a beginning that invites me to eternity; a beginning that marks my end in this world. In the world I have survived all through.

My end is not nearing to me, I am nearing to it. And for only one reason should I see my end – I have survived to be there.

I have seen what I have seen. There is definitely much more to come, much more to understand, much more to dream, much more to desire, much more to cherish, much more to live, much more to survive.

And yes, this gives me a reason – the reason to celebrate.

I SURVIVE.
 
posted by xubayr at 10:27:00 PM | Permalink |


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