Flowing Emotions

A Recession!

2007-12-03T14:02:00.000-06:00

Will be back here soon. The Me Daily is frequently updated though!

Instincts

2007-10-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

Every human being at the bottom of his existence is the same in all features - from the basic structure of the DNA, sophisticated emotions, to the highly disguised human instincts which are more or less on the visible nature similar to those of animals but domesticated by civilization and the faith in God. Human nature is very fundamental with its roots resembling that of animals but as the complexity grows - layer upon layer - man's basic structure turns into civilization.

In broader terms, animals live to further their species - to keep their kind alive. Their instincts for survival make them hunt or search for food and defend themselves from adversities in the best way possible for them using their abilities provided to them by God. They can do anything to protect themselves from threats - anything possible for their kind. To further their species animals regenerate or reproduce in some form and sometimes in a form unique to their species. It's their necessity to have that nature else they would be wiped out. Their instincts help them survive.

A human being is a lot similar to his fellow creatures of the planet. But as God said that he is His best creation, civilization, culture and emotions among other things differentiated him from the wildness of the lower creatures. Man has layers of domestication built upon his basic instincts of survival; each layer creating his individuality and the top most layers showing his individuality. The sophistication and complexity of every layer defines his abilities to hide his basics and gives gradual domestication to his 'wild' instincts. Ultimately he becomes human; a social being.

A man's programming starts even before his birth depending on the movements inside the womb, the voices heard, the quality and type of nourishment given, the genes of parents and their emotional and psychological characters. In short, a man starts getting domesticated even before his lungs start functioning in the open air. He is reared and nurtured in the society that tells him right and wrong and makes him believe what the society believes in. He is socialized. He is brainwashed. And when he learns about God, he learns faith and accepts God's word as the way of life.

But no matter how much he gets surrounded by culture, he keeps his basics inside him - sometimes controlled, sometimes neglected, sometimes unseen and sometimes set loose. From time to time as he grows he learns about his urges - some which he understands by himself, and some the society makes him understand and he decides to take them for granted. He learns that he can fulfill some urges and ignore others. His faith in God helps him with what is right. He grows developing layers on his basics - making himself more complex and more sophisticated. He gathers knowledge and learns wisdom.

At various points in his life he is shown the right and legal ways to fulfill some of those urges which were otherwise found to be unacceptable. He comes to an age from where he can stay alone, earn his own living, and drive his own car if taking an 'ultra-modern' example explains it better. He comes to an age from where he can guide his own life, take his own decisions and work out his future. Thinking of future for a human can perhaps be a highly sophisticated idea which animals might never exhibit apart from their need to reproduce.

This civilized man becomes wise, mature and intelligent. Intelligence can be found in animals but maturity and wisdom are exclusive to human beings. He learns to teach; he learns how to learn. The growing layers make him more complex and more human-like. He still keeps the basics within him. He finds newer and ‘safer’ ways to fulfill them. For instance dancing can be taken as a man's desire to loose control over his body. He likes being free of discipline and mannerisms and he likes dancing. It is found in many communities perfectly acceptable to dance. It is an instinct being exploited - all under the name of civilization.

Instincts are exploited 'soberly' by the ways of calling them trends and fashions, by creating competition in wearing clothes, by calling the show of skin as aesthetics and even by legalizing what could be the most critical of instincts. This has become a part of the civilization. The man in general has been made to believe this as acceptable.

A man can never work against his nature. Neither can a woman of course. Men and women have always been partners. Men, for women are the most important and interesting objects and women, for men are the most important and interesting objects. This character trait is not by choice, ethics or culture. It is inevitable and necessary for the survival of our species. The idea can be presented in a mature way pulling it under the blankets of culture and religion, but instincts remain the same. They are controlled and domesticated.

Working on the upper layers of our behavior, a man or a woman for that matter can never be understood under absolute terms. Take for example the mannerisms - our behavior while being with our parents and siblings is more natural than the one we present in front of outsiders or acquaintances which is more of a manipulation. It is acceptable. It is civilization and not cheating of any sort. But there are of course men who pretend to be gentlemen but are not. I find behaving as a gentleman with an intention to become one is alright, but behaving so to deceive others or hide some character traits is a violation of ethical values a man can keep. This is as intimidating as it can get - with the sophistication of the layers.

A man exhibits his instincts in softer and 'acceptable' ways. The thrill experienced with courtship, the excitement in flirting, the enjoyment in dancing as discussed above, the indulgence in smoking and drinking, the adventure in bungee-jumping, in talking about what love-turned-inside-out is are all examples of the softer ways. But the result is the same - satisfying of primitive urges. Reading novels on romance, enjoying raunchy jokes, sometimes men talking about women and women talking about men, discussing how fascinating violence can be, appreciating near-naked wrestlers, watching beauty contests, and every act that is termed civilized but appears inside the ‘filtered’ or ‘screened’ content is again an example how society decides how the basic human instincts can be fulfilled without being objected.

Lobbying in the corporate worlds, politics, using emotions to befriend people, researching on what humans like so that businesses can be flourished and money be made, studying human psychology to manipulate men, teaching youngsters how to woo the opposite sex and using preferences and tastes to dictate laws can all come under scrutiny if we question the widely accepted ideals of the society. These might be refutable but are seldom criticized as they have become an important part of our being. Calling ourselves modern, we have learnt to fulfill our desires alongside remaining respectable.

All this might be exactly what humans are. The sophistication might grow into the unimaginable and we will continue to find more decent ways to exhilarate the animal within us and satisfy it. We might become more sensible in our outlooks and more charming in our etiquettes. We might have our individual personalities, preferences and tastes, likes and styles. But deep within in some way or the other we would just be living our instincts.

Welcome To My Heart

2007-07-20T13:11:00.000-05:00

Reason can’t explain my heart. I love the sound that comes from the pistons when I push my right foot against the accelerator. I like to drive fast. I have never been asked why. If the question ever comes up, I would tell “I have young blood in me. And young blood has heat and aggression”. I don’t drive fast much. But even in those disciplined drives, I get an indescribable urge. I like closing my eyes when I drive. Welcome to my heart.

I can’t explain why my heart is devoid of reasons. When I pullout the most of rationality from my soul, I do get interesting and powerful things but they are soon undermined by the reasonless fickle waves of my heart. The reason dissolves. It proves rationality wrong. It destroys the well accepted ideals of the world around. I never close my eyes when I drive. It’s just an urge. We don’t satisfy all our urges.

But some day when I have my own car and a road of my own, I shall definitely keep my eyes away from seeing anything and my brain from dreaming anything and push the accelerator hard. I would feel the G – force against my chest and it would make me feel hugged by the reasoned gravity. There would be nobody sitting beside me asking me for any reason. For reason can’t explain heart.

If reason could explain heart, then the first thing I would long to know would be why it can’t be at the same pace always. I would ask my heart if it can stop beating for a little while so that I could spend some time without any feeling. I would ask my heart how I can overcome the feeling of love. I will never try to understand what love is. Because reason can define love and anything defined can be manipulated. A thing to be kept pure must be kept undefined.

If I, forget reason, could explain heart, then I would end the life of feelings in it. It’s the feeling that hurts, not the life in it. I would end the life so that there would be nothing left to be said and heard - only the feeling and the consequent pain; and of course me. I can’t explain this either. Neither can my heart do that. Who can explain a feeling? Do we really have to manipulate love?

I don’t know how old I am. Nor did I explain my maturity to anybody; forget me. All I understand is that I have been made an object of facts where truths go unsaid. From inside I find myself killing love for it has remained unrequited for quite long. It’s not love, but its feeling that hurts. I would keep the feeling and end the life in love. I would kiss the joy of being with me, the love and its feeling. Just that love won’t have life in it. It will be an empty fact boiled in truth.

I write for the sheer pleasure of loving. I love it even more when I don’t write. Pain makes love even more satisfying. It realizes the substance in love. Pain in principle, is the soul of love. I don’t understand my heart. I don’t believe that love can be written. Love doesn’t need words. But who will believe it? Feelings? Heart? Reason? Love doesn’t understand itself. It only suffocates. Welcome to my heart.

Comparisons

2007-05-18T10:24:00.000-05:00

There have been limitless occasions wherein the abilities and computational speeds of computer processors, and computers in general, have been compared with the human brain or more precisely, the human mind. The comparison seems logical as long as all we intend to gain from it is a simple pastime!

The weight of an average human brain is 1400 grams. About 100 billion nerve cells or neurons occupy this weight behaving as primary functional units. Neurons are capable of receiving, processing, and relaying the electrochemical pulses on which all our sensations, actions, thoughts, and emotions depend.

Neurons have specialized projections called dendrites and axons. Each neuron may have up to tens of thousands of dendrites. Each of these dendrites overlaps with the dendrites of other cells and even the same cell to form synapses. Largely the number of these synapses in a human brain ranges between 100 to 500 trillion. Each of these synaptic connections are said to be – though they cannot be compared – equivalent to tens of gigahertz of a computer processor speed.

Numerous approximations of the speed of the human brain have already appeared in literature based on these "hardware" considerations (though in the case of the human brain perchance the term "wetware" is more proper). It seems reasonable to conclude that the human brain has a raw computational power between 10
¹³ and 10¹⁶ floating operations per second (FLOPS)! No doubt it can be more than this.

What will match this? Intel's latest processor that goes beyond the 4.26 Ghz mark, or AMD's 64 FX or some G from Apple? The fastest computer in the world as of November 2006 was the IBM Blue Gene/L supercomputer, measuring a peak of 280.6 Terra FLOPS.

The exact capability of the human brain will remain uncalculated for long. Newer and faster computer processors may be built in the years to come. Comparisons will be made. But we know what these comparisons yield – nothing!

Flawed Simulation

2007-05-10T13:11:00.001-05:00

No other computer game than Microsoft Flight Simulator could excite me so much. My craze for it could make me spend hours just thinking about the game, its graphics, the aircrafts that could be flown, and the cities that could be seen from the air. I read so much about that game. I was mad with every thought of it. I felt myself being a part of the simulation every time I imagined anything related to a computer machine. I was 14 years of age then. I have never played Microsoft Flight Simulator in my 20 years of life and neither did I see that thing working on any computer system.

Today, more than six years later, I realize I have spent two and a half years of my recent life in a similar form of madness and it was worse than what I did then. It was just the name, it was just the imagination, it was just the game; it was just a simulation. But it could defy all the previous years of my life and not only that, it could also cause to make a difference in such a large measure that every second of it looked more real than life.

I laugh at myself as I write this. One of the reasons I laugh is that nobody laughs at a person who laughs at himself. I pose a threat of being laughed at just because after doing what all I did all these years, I say that it was a waste. I say that it was all foolishness and that it was nothing. It was nothing.

I know how a pizza tastes. I have had it several times. When somebody tells me about having a pizza, I can smell it; I can also imagine its taste. When I think about water I know how it can quench my thirst, I know how wonderful it is. When I think about any of the deodorants I have, I know how they smell. I know how necessary they become for me at times. Nothing of all these amounts to foolishness.

More than two-thirds of my last two and a half years were nothing but foolishness. They were unnecessary in logic and idea. They were the living proof of my naïveté. The limits of this naïveté were so vast that I thought them to be madness. I was living a fantasy that never existed.

I considered a life to be real. I thought I loved it. I believed I could never imagine myself being happy without its existence for me. I was convinced I could never be happy if I were to live without that life around me. I was confident that I loved it.

I imagined all that I could have been with that thing around me. I wondered how wonderful my life could be if I could achieve it. Every breath I took used to tell me that I am the most blessed because I was in love with it and that I was mad after it. I flaunted my madness telling that nothing could ever be achieved unless madness is attached to it. I prayed for it and I fooled myself to happiness.

There were letters I wrote – addressed to myself, to my friends, and to nobody. I had written poems out of grief, out of love and out of nothing. I proved with words that I was mad and that my madness was worth it. I drew blood terming it as a proof of divinity in the madness. I shed tears thinking that there were the signs of purity and depth in my love for that life. I dreamt with eyes, both closed and open, considering these visuals as proof of integrity in the madness that had weaved itself into my life and had become existential even at the sub-conscious level.

I loved my friends for the support they rendered to me. I always asked them to be with me even if they knew I was wrong. Maybe somewhere deep inside my heart I knew I was wrong. They were with me. Somehow they tried to tell me what I was doing was wrong. I however kept convincing them that my madness was sacred and was true; even if it were to be wrong.

The sleeplessness I had enjoyed I thought was cementing my love. I thought it made me more powerful with my emotions. And I had thought my emotions to be true. I developed a defined tinge for people who appeared to be against me or not in my favor. I was biased towards this love and considered everything it did to be of truth and intelligence.

I was insane with cynicism embedded in me which had narrowed down my vision. I knew I was wasting my potential but all along I was thinking that all this madness was worth it. I thought my priority was justified not even thinking for a second that there maybe some unreasonable idea in it that could be destroying me from within. All my prayers had this priority talking.

When ever I thought of getting out of this, the biggest thing that stopped me was my ego. Something told me that after being so much into it, if I turn away, it could be a cause of embarrassment to me. I thought it to be wise making it a conviction and sticking to it. I also took pride in this conviction.

Now, as I write all this, I solemnly say that it was never worth it. I may go on to tell that some things have opened my eyes and I regret what I had done. But apart from some realization, I attain nothing. I am in search of salvation.

I don't know how I got attracted to something I never knew of. I had never been with it. I had felt it. But all along I was convinced that it was there and I loved it. I had called it a premise; a premise that always caused dissatisfaction. I had even thanked Allah for having me in love with that life. I don't yet understand what it was when it could make so much difference and cause to change everything right from the way I ate food. It was so powerful yet useless.

I don't know what I have learnt. I don't even know if there was something to learn except for the fact that I can be so foolish and life can contain so much of unexplainable ideas and emotions; all of them illogical. I am trying to contemplate on what went wrong with my ethics. I want to know what it was if it was useless. In some way I am looking for explanations to justify my behavior. However, the desire for such a thing holds only one reason – I want to feed my ego. I me glad with my friends being happy for me and so, I want nothing else.

Someone might now say that I have not only cheated myself but even others who supported me. I have nothing that could defend me except for some gratitude I could get showing sorrow in my eyes. That would amount to sympathy; be it that way. I want to keep my head held high with honor and I want my heart to be free of any disease. I understand it is more important to be loved than to love.

If again I get a chance to love, I will be afraid of it. I will be afraid of all the forces involved in it. But I need it. Perhaps time will teach me to tame this fear. Perhaps I will someday understand that it was never a fear but simple continuation of the preexistent cynicism. I wish I had some person who could answer me everything I ask. Allah had already showed the path, so it must be ironic that I desire the presence of such person. All these words are themselves ironic. I don't want to be that. Please.

Nationalism and Patriotism are Dangerous Ideas

2007-03-04T11:04:00.000-06:00

There have been wars fought. Fought for pride, honor and power among many things. But somewhere between all this there stood the most important – the fight for ones own land; the country. There is no real necessity to point out how much bloodshed has taken place, and continues to take place, as people fight for their countries.

History has been evident leaving the present world affairs even more pathetic providing a clear image how dangerous the concepts of nationalism and patriotism have become. A concept that can kill humans is not worthy of any gratitude. It only requires some time to reflect.

Nationalism is a political ideology. It is a belief that groups of people are bound together by territorial, cultural and (sometimes) ethnic links. When people are bound together – bound to common belief systems or some specific ideas, from there comes within them a strong feeling for their own belief. This strong feeling binds them. Brings them closer.

Getting closer to some object means moving away from some other object. This is what nationalism does. In the name of a country, it over-prices the value of politics and degrades the worth of human lives. It jams the thinking of people and makes them narrow-minded. The result, indifference towards other beliefs and countrymen.

When people are brought together, they become easier to rule, and subsequently, easier to be dragged by a single chain into any kind of faith as long as their necks are bounded by the same chain. They can be made to love that chain and do anything to keep their necks tightened. They are made to believe in a sense of importance by using ‘heavy’ words like motherland or homeland.

Above all, the idea that a motherland is as important as a mother sweeps away every other value. The ‘motherland’ is worshiped. Lives are sacrificed for it. And lives are taken for it. What does it give? A birth in heaven? No. Motherland is not God. It is just a piece of land.

Patriotism means love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it. When people become patriots, they forget that there is a whole world in which they live and we don’t really have a single nice word for those who love this world. There are words for it but nothing in political sense like patriotism. I belong to this world first. I say that I am an Indian. But to explain that I belong to this world, I don’t know what to say. Human? That’s not the word.

Boundaries exist to help people rule themselves better. Not to separate them. Patriotism and nationalism make people love their own country more and forget that there are other people too who can have the same kind of love for their own country. Nationalism and patriotism are no different from fanaticism.

People fighting for their country and giving their lives is ridiculous because while doing so, they take several other lives. It makes more sense to fight for love and unity among all the people in the world, than to spill blood and beget more hatred in the name of some land marked as a country. Classifying them based on their nationality will serve no purpose. It further aggravates the already existing differences. And differences, is the last thing we want when we think of love.

Why My Faith in Allah is Blind

2007-01-16T13:15:00.000-06:00

I have never seen, yet so many times desired to experience, how it feels to have a shoulder to cry on when I feel melancholic. When the thought that Allah is with everybody came to me, I expressed a wish to know if He could provide me with that shoulder or if He could lend me His own. It, perhaps, sounded too hilarious that I should ask Allah for a thing that may never happen and has never happened anytime even with the holy prophets. Nevertheless I was sure that I would be given what I had asked for.

That is my faith. To believe in that which seems too illogical; just because I desire it from my heart and know that it can in some way be a possible; though I know not the way – may be just in the dreamiest of my senses - is how my faith in Allah is. I know it’s blind. But why?

Because every time I have desired a thing of such kind, I have been subjugated by my faith to the extent of giving me a contentment equal to that which is derived, when that desire is fulfilled. The answer comes from within me. It lets me forget the need of a shoulder that arose. My faith satisfies me.

At times I find some restrictions put on me by my religion as unreasonable. I still go with them even while questioning them. I try to find the true reason behind that constraint put on me. I ask people I have put my trust in. Sometimes they don’t have an answer. I still go together with the discomfort of not having a justification of what I have been asked to do or not to do.

Then someday after I have forgotten my want for the reason, to my amazement, I find it. And I find it at a place I could have least expected. It tells me again that I can progress my life having to do things I do not know why I have been asked to do, or keep away from things I have been asked to keep away from. Because my faith, again blind, tells me that life will give me the answer and I have to take it. Because I know that every question I ask has an answer and every command given to me has a reason.

I came to know that music is not permitted for me. I asked why. I had different answers around me with one saying that music can make a mind weak and hollow. But science told me that music was good for my mind and also soul. The same source told me that it’s Satan who makes those scientists say such a thing in favor of listening to music. I didn’t find this answer satisfactory to the same brain I had in me.

I asked many people for an answer. I was ready to accept it without even having to know why. But still I kept looking. Then one find day I found it. Within myself! When we listen to music, we enjoy it. The enjoyment and cheer brings delight to our body and perhaps lets say even soul. It gets into out body. We start tapping our feet to the rhythm if not the beats. We like this and keep taking the pleasure. The enjoyment grows.

Then comes a time when we begin to have a feeling that the joy of tapping feet can be more enjoyed if some rapid movements are brought into the upper parts of the body too. Trunk, hips, belly, hands, shoulders, neck, head – all these moving. Rapidly. Fast. All together - to give a sense of joy beyond the music itself. A soothing feeling of being independent, powerful, a feeling that says we are doing something substantial, a new role being played, a feeling of traveling in a completely new world, and lost in this new world, not wanting to come back, not asking for any sense, not sure of what is happening around, not aware of anything that can be wrong and enjoying what seems to be called as dancing. Listening of music can lead a person to dance.

When a person dances, as I have tried to create a picture above, the person looses control over himself. It can be taken as similar to being drunk or intoxicated by some drug, or perhaps, seduced – all of which that can always lead to evil. We know these things are called evil and will lead to bigger evil. The evil comes when the person has lost control over him and has forgotten what is right and wrong. Dancing can, the way the above said evils do, leads to such evil. It starts with music.

Furthermore, listening to music takes us so deeply into to that it makes us loose the sense of time. It can force us to forget about our prayers. The harsher genres of music bring frustration in ones mind. It does several things including fooling people to believe in some feelings that may never ever exist in real, but just in dreams and mysticism. I had my answer why music should not be heard. I gave the answer to myself.

Even if I had not realized anything I have mentioned above, I would have still believed in the command that prohibits music. Blindly. Just because everything that has been commanded to me has in some way, till now, presented justifications that could satisfy me. So, if some order has no clear justification to it readily, it never means that it is unreasonable. The reason can be within me. This way, even the faith that seems to be blind is not blind. It has an answer that lies within me and all I need is to realize it and give it a form understood to me, a human being.

I would prefer calling my faith blind though I would continue to get answers, justifications and clarifications to all the doubts on Islam I have. This is because every day, several times I testify that there is none worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammad (Sallallaho-Alaihe-Wa-Sallam) is Allah's worshipper and messenger. When I say I testify it, it also means that I swear on these words. It means that I bear a witness to the fact that there is none worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammad (Sallallaho-Alaihe-Wa-Sallam) is Allah's worshipper and messenger.

Yes, I am a witness of this. I can bet my life on these words. I have felt Allah from within. I have conversed with Him. In several ways – through my prayers that were accepted, though the protection He has given me even before I could have thought of asking for it, to everything He has blessed me with for which I shall always be thankful to Him.

I have conversed with Allah when I cried in front of Him – when I was obscured with this world and didn’t know what to ask for, and just cried, not even knowing why I was crying, simply letting those tears roll down my cheeks about which I was not even aware of, sobbing, having hiccups that didn’t remind me of anything, simply crying, knowing only one things that Allah was looking at me and He knew what I wanted when I didn’t know what I was asking for. And after all this I felt that I have received from Him everything – things I have not asked for because I didn’t know what I had wanted. My heart spoke to Allah and told Him what it wanted and Allah granted it and pardoned it. I am a witness of this. I am a witness of the Kalima Shahadat. Do I still need to give a reason why my faith is blind? Or can I italicize this word - blind?

And should I loose my soul someday, which I always pray should never happen, I still have enough that can bring me back to correctness – The Holy Quran, the hadith, the grave of prophet Mohammed (Sallallaho-Alaihe-Wa-Sallam), the Holy mosques at Mecca and Medina, the existence of my own self, and the truth that can never cease to be the truth.

I have the memories of all my prayers that were accepted to perfection. I remember how late I was in realizing that everything I had asked for was granted to me in some way or the other. The way Allah has given me a perfect life itself is the biggest reason that I can do what He asked me to, blindly. I need not open my eyes to see where I am going as long as I let Allah hold my hands.

The Agreement

2006-12-05T14:09:00.000-06:00

Every time I ask myself why I should be writing on this thing called love, I am reminded of only one person – Syed Zubair Hasan. Yes, that is me of course. I am the very same person who never believed in love outside any relationship, showed disrespect to every person who was involved in such a relationship and also wrote a blog-posting which had 19 reasons that one should keep away from love marriages.

I never believed in love outside any relationship that came with birth. I never believed that love could exist between friends. I thought that the relationship between husband and wife is just a written agreement arising due to some religious compulsions that have been enforced upon us by Allah and that are to be followed because not doing so would lead to consequences in the hereafter. I only trusted in relationships bonded by the same blood.

I disregarded every person who said he/she was in love with some person who was not related to him/her. I assumed firstly that there was no such thing such as love that can happen between two people who have absolutely nothing between. Let alone two strangers. I supposed that anything that can happen between a boy and a girl would be some cultured physical attraction bringing them close – their youth speaking. I pitied these people for their lack of self control.

Whenever there is a proposal to do something, all the possibilities including consequences are weighed, measured and calculated. When something is to be adopted as a standard or a virtue, it is seen that it has more merits than demerits. A plan or a concept with better, valid and rational returns is opted for. Likewise, if there is an idea that needs to be dropped, it’s demerits and negative consequences are taken as the reason for letting it go. A careful study has to be made before deciding anything. A very strong and a concrete reason is required to believe in something that can hurt.

You can’t fully believe in something unless, for at least once, you doubt it’s validity. It is again the weighing of all the merits and demerits of the idea you plan to adopt. It is only for a person of good mental strength to be function with two things in his mind. To be functional, his analyzing capabilities are tested and how much he can endure accounts to how well he can take things that can hurt him. I may not be so good at all this, but I intend to know what good is with an aim to have it deposited within me.

Through my post, ‘Modus Operandi of Love Marriages’, I meat to make two things – tell myself that there are many disadvantages of getting into a love marriage, and explain others that for a love marriage to survive successfully, the husband and wife need to work a lot, not just for their spouses but for themselves, and that it takes them to have some extra ordinary qualities. I never criticized love marriages.

Coming down all through these years I have seen and experienced till now, I have learnt that I was wrong in thinking that love can’t exist outside any implicit relationship; I was rude and execrable in having contempt for people getting into ‘love marriages’. I was wrong that husband – wife relationship was just some paperwork; it the most beautiful relationship Allah has created. I was a fool to think that a boy and a girl can never fall in love that is pure.

If a boy loves a girl and intends never to get close to her or become friends with her, doesn’t even want to talk to her, doesn’t want to look at her because that would be a bad gesture in a way if it is misunderstood, doesn’t want to keep showing to her that he is after her, and respects her the most, and intends to marry her in the future when the time is right, is he erroneous?

If the guy’s parents have themselves told him that he has the perfect liberty to choose the girl he wants to live his life with, then, is the boy not free enough to make some decisions for himself?

If this guy has never seen a girl the way he has seen this girl he loves, never flirts with anybody, never looks up at any other girl unless he has got something to do with her, never tries to get too close to any girl he already knows, can never think of anything other girl in his life, can never stop dreaming of her, always wants to be with her all though his life and love her the most, is it something that may have Allah’s displeasure?

Yes, it can definitely have Allah’s displeasure. A boy is not supposed to take a second glance at a girl he has seen once. What if he did that mistake and loved himself for doing it? What if he has thanked Allah for showing him that girl? What if he asks Allah’s forgiveness and begs Allah that he gets to have that girl with him all through his life? I know Allah may still be unhappy with him. We are not supposed to commit sins and justify them later….

What can he do now? Cry? Punish himself? Punish himself by trying to forget her? Hurting himself trying to believe that there is nothing called as love and he is not supposed to get into a love marriage because it has more disadvantages than advantages?

And what if that girl doesn’t love him? What if she never gives him a chance even to talk to him? What if she becomes cold towards him to such an extent that he thinks she hates him and tries to avoid him? What if he cries daily and asks Allah to help him though but doesn’t know what thing could be of help to him – forgetting her or having her love him?

He wants to have her in his life. He doesn’t know what it would mean if she really started to love him.

The last but one paragraph was “So finally, I would like to repeat what I had written even before listing out the demerits – it takes at least one of the two spouses or both of them to have something extra, more than what is required from those in arranged marriages, in them to have a successful relationship and a peaceful life.”

The last paragraph was “The rest is left for the readers to comprehend. We all have been obliged with the capacity to think, differentiate, analyze, judge and decide. A decision needs to be followed by an action.”

They both will remain the same. I still don’t know about me!

A Guy Like Me

2006-11-18T13:22:00.000-06:00

Every morning I wake up to the light just to feel the newness of the day that has just been gifted to me. The moment I press my hands on the bed to push my upper half of the body away from it, I say to myself the words ‘there is no God but Allah and Muhammad (pbuh) is His prophet’ and fold my legs erecting my back to sit there straight. I recite a few more verses of the Holy Quran and slip out of the bed taking myself to the window where I move aside the curtain to have a look at the sun-lit street some feet below. I know that I have been blessed.

Between the street below and the window overlooking it, is a small tree. It too big to be called as a plant, and so, for me it is a tree. It has leaves that are dark purple on their upper surfaces and the color of the under sides is green. This is the only one of the several plants and trees that has survived the presence of my house for 16 years. I have been looking at it from the age of 4 but pity me, I do not remember the season when flowers bloom on it.

Every morning when I look down, I miss the sight of this lonely resident of my house. It gives some sort of deep sense and beauty to my house from the outside making the elevation look more abstract than what the architect had planned 16 years ago. I am sure it would be a great loss to the uniqueness of my house should that tree be razed. Still, things won’t cease to change much even if such a thing is done; time and life will still move on.

In the same way, there are some things that come attached with me whenever I am confronted with. To be precise, they are more than just attached to me – they are an integral part me, dissolved in me, found only in me. I, being a high-level life, am a lot different than the house or even the tree. I am the one who lives in that house, ignores the tree and looks at the street behind and below it, and dreams of a home. I am Syed Zubair Hasan and this story is of a guy like me.

***

He stood leaning against the wall looking at some papers lying on a table a few feet away from him made visible by the yellow light screened from the front window. It was afternoon. Tear drops were rolling down his cheek and he was catching them with his hands to prevent them from falling on the floor. He had just started to write a book on himself and the ink on the very first page refused to dry. The wet ink didn’t allow him to turn the page. It didn’t allow him even to hide the page somewhere. The first page in the book of his life refused to turn and move to the next. It was at a stand still.

***

The other day his friend told him that he was intelligent. He didn’t know what to say in reply. He tried to recall if he had ever heard somebody being called intelligent and the reply the person had given. He pressed his memory hard but found nothing. He simply smiled back.

Moments later he began to count all the foolish things he had done in the last 24 hours and why his friend was just being his friend and praising him.

When he woke up the day before, he spent 2 hours on the bed, and had day dreamt. He had dreamt of being the most cleaver person to live; a man who would never be wrong, who would never fail. He dreamt of being a very smart guy for whom any person would fall and who would never be rejected. He had also day dreamt of waking up everyday in front of a face he loved more than many things. At the end of those 2 hours, he had laughed at himself in his mind and had called himself a fool.

After that he ate some snacks without brushing his teeth. He gave himself a reason that he had washed his mouth just the night before. He didn’t eat a full meal and started reading some newspaper with hunger still in his belly. He wasted a lot of time playing with a pillow lying on the divan. He even hummed a few English songs. He sang them loudly too just to see if he can sing. He found that he couldn’t. He tried Hindi. This time he was better. But he was still starving. He knew he had to eat because morning meal is the most important meal of the day.

He then turned on his computer and started listening to the song he was trying to sing. He heard several songs, each of them several times until he at last considered he should eat something. He got some food ready and didn’t feel like washing his hands so took along with a spoon sitting in front of the computer again. He took more than an hour to finish. He knew he was wasting time and that he was an idiot to do so.

After spending a good 3 hours with the computer he took a nap again. It was already evening. He was lethargic all the time and slept at 2:30 am after doing effectively nothing. The next day his friend came and woke him up.

He tried to recollect everything till he had heard the door bell ring. He understood he was not intelligent. He felt he was a person worse than a fool because he was aware of his dumbness and yet did nothing to correct it.

Then he tried to call to mind and analyze the body-language of his friend calling him intelligent. He put in all the things he knew about body-languages and came to a conclusion that his friend was not tricking him and he had meant to say that. He thought he could be wrong with his analysis because a person who likes to be called as intelligent would never like proving a person who had called him intelligent as wrong. So, he thought, maybe he is fooling himself again. He brought tears in his eyes because he wasn’t good enough to comprehend the truth. He wanted to be intelligent.

***

Once he had an exam to write. He started preparing very late on the day just before the exam. He hardy slept for 2 hours in the night and the next day he was ready to leave his house when his mother said “best of luck”. He replied “thank you” but wasn’t satisfied with what his mother had told him. His father said the same words to him and he felt bad again. The words he wanted to hear were “do the exam well” so that he could say “inshAllah”. All his friends said the same “best of luck” to him and he went to write the exam unhappy.

He didn’t do the exam well. He came out of the place with his head down. Not in shame, but the way he always tries to keep his head. He tied to keep away from all the people who were discussing the question paper. After reaching home, when his parents asked him how he had done the exam, he replied “not so good”. He knew he would be scolded but still he said that. After saying, he felt proud of himself that he always tells the truth to his parents and unlike other people, he never says “the exam was good” even for the one that was bad. He didn’t know if he could be proud because saying the truth is obligatory and it’s no big deal doing something right for the fear that doing wrong would fetch a punishment in the hereafter.

***

He had always tried to keep his head down. Once he was even stopped by a policeman and asked for some identification. He knew that it was something bizarre and unusual keeping the head down always, but he continued with it even in times when he felt the maximum discomfort.

The greatest uneasiness came to him whenever he kept his head down while walking in front of girls or when there were girls standing around. It seemed to him as if by keeping his head down he was giving them a sign that he was shying away from them. He felt as if they were looking at him and laughing talking among themselves how immature he looked. He always felt embarrassed in these occasions but all through he also kept in mind that most probably there is nobody noticing him. But he somehow wanted to be noticed!

He also took pride in letting his friends know that he keeps his head down and never looks up at anybody or anything and particularly never at girls with whom he has nothing to do. He told them that he never feels like looking at them. But he knows how much he fights with the instincts within him that force him to see up. He knows that every time such situation comes, he has to fight a tough battle. But he wins almost always.

He had hated himself several times because he has to brawl and it doesn’t come to him by itself. He hates the thing he has to fight. He hates the instinct that lies deep within him - the very human instincts that makes a boy look at a girl – not as just another human being but as something else. He hates himself for this instinct he has in himself.

Once while thinking about this he said to himself that he hates the man inside him. He laughed at what he had thought. He spent more time on this and realized the word ‘instinct’ as best the best suited to characterize this attraction a male has towards a female. It exists in animals in its wildest form and humans being sophisticated can keep it hidden. He hated himself because he had to hide it. He knew it was an obvious think which everybody knew but never spoke of but was completely normal; but still he wasn’t happy with this.

He once asked himself “do girls get attracted to themselves when they look in the mirror?” He still hates this thing in him. He wants to be a pure, uncorrupted person.

***

Until 8 years back he used to think that only men can love women. Then he learnt life and learnt that it can be both-ways. He found ‘love’ a confusing and an unbelievable concept. He thought love could be real only between people who are bonded by some relation. Life educated him he was wrong. He now believes in a love that can never be wrong. He calls himself a fool for believing in more than what others believe and, most importantly in, what others choose to believe. He knows that this thing can take away his life.

***

He wants to be a good person. In spite of all the mistakes he does and the bad things, he still desires to have goodness within him and so, he keeps telling himself that he has to be good. Every offense he commits gives him guilt. He finds others not minding it done by him or the same thing done by them. But he knows he is right. But the pathos is that he still has a lot of crap within him.

It pains him whenever he finds some person doing something good which he doesn’t do. Some times he is too proud to accept that he is wrong. At times he gives a docile surrender too. He is usually confused but presents a sturdy mature picture.

He likes people calling him good but doesn’t take any compliments when they are given. He believes that if he accepts that he is good, then he would stop doing everything he does to become good. But still he likes being called as good.

***

Once he heard a song in Hindi which translates as “it’s a different thing that you are not in front of me, but you are always here with me”. He has a friend who likes this song and even he used to like it until when he understood that when we miss somebody, we never feel that that person is with us here. We instead feel that we are with them. He thinks of the song by Michael Jackson “you are not alone, I am here with you. Though you’re far way, I am always here to stay”.

Whenever some beloved person is far away from us, we don’t know about how it would be if that person was now here with us now. We instead imagine ourselves being with that person wherever he/she is. He realized this and feels delighted that he has. But he knows it won’t make any difference except that he gets another thing to write about. He will, in anyways, miss the people he misses and will imagine him to be with them. His dreams bring those people to him.

***

Till date he doesn’t know what friendship is. He once called somebody his best friend but he was confused as he couldn’t understand what a best friend is too. But he still believes that someday he will have a friend who would be his best friend. Yet deep inside he knows that he may never find that kind of a person because he thinks he himself is not well-matched for such a thing. He feels bad for that.

His idea of best friend is a person who would be with him even when he is wrong; give him a shoulder to cry on, and most significantly, a person in front of whom he can cry. According to him a best friend is one who would support him at all times alongside telling him whenever he has done something wrong. He thinks of a best friend as a person who would be with him even if he has become the worst person. He calls best friend as a person who is there only for him. He would be very possessive for this best friend if he had one, and so, he knows this relation is impossible. He knows he is asking for too much.

He gives a lot of respect to his friends. It’s not that he expects the same amount of respect in return but he wants whatever he gets to have integrity in it. He knows that his friends show respect towards him only because he respects them. But some times he has seen a few being different with him in terms of showing a little less respect. It was not that he didn’t like the ‘less respect’ thing, but he came to know from that that the respect his friends usually give him is not from their heart, but just a show – something done in return – with no loyalty and uprightness. He knows this is normal – also that he is a bit difficult to deal with. But he has high regards for some of his friends for unique reasons. For others – he is a good friend in return, but respect related things vary with hostility.

***

He has stopped watching television; for two reasons - he doesn’t like what television has to offer, and he likes telling everybody that he doesn’t like watching television.

He doesn’t like the things that are aired on the television – nudity, obscenity, vulgarity and the fooling done by the directors of the television shows. According to him, television shows are made in such a way that the viewers like them even if there is something inaccurate in them and even if it is bad for the viewers to watch. He also knows that it is the viewers who are more wrong. But he has never had any disregards for people who watch television. He calls it as a personal choice and he has made his choice already.

And of course he is a man of pride. So, he gets another thing to flaunt – whenever he gets a chance, he tells people that he doesn’t like television. He knows this is bad he is doing.

***

He loves writing things people like reading but don’t talk about. It can also be thought that what he does is similar to what television does – show what is liked by people and what people want to see. He knows that there are things that directly connect to people’s hearts. These are the things people usually don’t know how to put into words. He tries to do it.

Then there are always things people are afraid to talk about and also the things people are ashamed to get it on their mouths. He tries to give such things a form of words and sentences. He thinks he is doing a good job this way, but he knows he has to be more ingenious and write about feelings that people have never felt but would feel after they read it written by him. He wants to create new feelings.

When he writes, he knows that sometimes he is ending up praising himself in a more indirect and an offensive way. He knows he is trying to prove others wrong and put himself ahead. Even when he dishonors himself, in some way he is trying to praise himself for accepting his fault. He knows not how many people realize this while reading him.

He usually has some set of people in his mind when he is writing. He writes thinking that he is writing to impress them. He tries to think like them but he fails several times – usually when they don’t understand something he has put forth in a twisted fashion. Sometimes he codes in some ideas into this words – he feels bad when nobody understands them and he ends up explaining it openly. It is like a perfect murder, done by a criminal, in a way that nobody can know it has been done by him, but because it is something flawlessly done, he ends up telling it to others in self-appreciation of his flawlessness.

He knows he has a lot more to learn to become a successful writer. But he also knows that people around him will put a lot of resistance to stop him from doing that. It’s because he wants to walk on a road that is usually not taken.

***

He has always tried to be the same person in front of his friends what he is behind them. He wants to have veracity in his relationship and doesn’t want to hide the feeling he has for any of his friends. He thinks he can tell his friends what all he thinks of them but he is afraid that they will misconstrue him. He has tried it a few times but he doesn’t know how his friends have taken it because they didn’t tell him what they thought about it.

Several times he has tried to tell his friends that he felt so and so for something they have done. He tried to be direct but also knows that unknowingly he has conveyed things he never wanted to. He again wanted to clear such things but he didn’t do it, fearing loosing that friend. All he wants is to be a good friend – a person who can be trusted and who could be told anything. He knows he has to prove his trustworthiness, but he knows not how.

He is always cautious not to end up having any distasteful misunderstanding with any of his friends. He is always ready to finding the middle ground – ready to compromise even if it’s not him who is at fault. He doesn’t know if this is right but he can go to any extent to save his friendship.

He might have started some friendships because of some reason like taking help or doing some favor – something very selfish. But once he becomes a friend, he needs no reasons to continue the friendship. He believes that friendship is comparable to the kind of relationships we have with our family relatives which can never end – just suspended.

The only thing he wouldn’t like his friends doing is grouping against him. It’s not the invasiveness that he dislikes; he doesn’t likes being left lonely. He needs to have people around him – for him. He knows it’s not always possible.

He tries not to differentiate between the kind of friendships he may have with boys and girls. But he always remembers that there are some lines that are not to be crossed no matter what happens. He knows that sometimes he could become more favorable towards girls. He hopes nothing ever gets misjudged and speculated. He feels bad because things are not going to be the same always.

***

He always says that he likes being criticized, but even he doesn’t know if he really likes it. Oh perchance he likes being told that he is wrong but not in a way that makes him feel that he is wrong. He likes working around things and discussing them, but never being offended and bombarded with comments. He knows he has to change a few things inside him and be open for some healthy criticism.

He also knows that sometimes he has not been good towards others while telling them about their mistakes. May be he has affronted them but they haven’t said to him a thing about that. He wants to know if he was wrong, but he doesn’t know how to find it out – people are not so forthright; they think, understand, build inside them some grudge against him, and remember it always. He wants people to talk to him at an emotional level taking him as their equal. He hates being taken as a mediocre even if he himself is a zilch. He must correct himself.

All through he tries to criticize himself. Every time he keeps saying to himself “you are wrong, damn it, you are wrong”. Then he cries because he finds it difficult to know where he is wrong. He says to himself “you are fooling yourself honey, this is not the way things work. Think, think and find out the right thing.” He feels bad because he doesn’t know how to direct his mind to thinking in a conscientious way. He wants to get things right but he ends up being wrong. He makes others believe that he is not wrong. He feels culpable about this.

He talks a lot to himself and tries to come clean on everything. Almost at all times, he has words to confess with everybody around because at one time or the other he has manipulated everybody to believe in something he wanted them to believe. He has done it quite a few times and he is guilty for this. He wants to tell about everything to these people but he fears that they may start hating him. He doesn’t like being hated. He is good in hiding things – he doesn’t remember telling any lies to influence people. He takes lies as a very big sin and he avoids it – but not always. He is sad that it is this way. He wants to correct himself but ends up doing nothing. That is even poorer.

***

He wants to be good looking and he thinks its normal for everybody to want it. He tries to be tidy and clean and has put strict rules on himself – do not sleep at night without brushing teeth even if it is 4 am, use an ear bud at least every alternate day, never wear anything that has even a small stain on it, and several more things.

He spends time in front of mirror but sometimes he hates doing that. There is a very peculiar thing that makes him hate the mirror. He also thinks that all mirrors in the world should be destroyed. There are times he fears looking himself in the mirror – he knows why he fears that – if he doesn’t find himself good-looking, he is anxious that even others won’t. He also knows that he is not so good looking for somebody and he will be reminded of that every time he looks into a mirror. But he also thanks Allah for what He has blessed him with. But he asks for more – like every other person.

***

He has thought deeply on a notion called as ‘chick-logic’. He found it first somewhere on the internet and he was shocked to realize all that. “Chick-logic” explains that female instincts make women like men who are bad – or macho, powerful, strong, wild and huge – but it’s the society that brainwashes them making them believe in decency and makes them ask for gentlemen. He knows that all this sounds weird but it’s true.

Things like these have come into humans from animals – like in case of deer where the strongest male gets to mate with the females. Such an explanation appears indecent but this concept has been streamlined and made civilized to be introduced into human beings. He knows that things work this way and he thinks of all this as interesting. But he wants to be good and not bad.

He thinks that it is not a good idea to talk about this but because it is such an obvious concrete, he is ready for any dialogue. But he knows it is difficult to be frank and very sincere while talking on such perceptive points.

***

He believes that crying is the most beautiful emotion. He finds it more powerful and effective than laughing. But he knows that it is difficult to cry than to laugh – similar to that fact that it is easier to feel than to think.

He initially used to find that it is only for the weak and the timid to cry but now he understands that it is indispensable that a person cries and purifies himself. Those who can’t cry can’t laugh properly. He finds that crying strengthens him.

Sometimes when he had wanted to cry, he wasn’t able to cry. He had wanted to alleviate his pains by shedding some tears but even that wasn’t given to him. He had spent moments that lye between a feeling that makes us cry and the real crying with tears. He finds it the most difficult thing to experience. He has always felt nice after crying.

Sometimes he has liked crying too. He had wanted to cry – even wanted to continue crying. Crying ends in contentment. He has hardly felt bad that he had to cry, he felt terrible because he never got a shoulder to cry on. He has just imagined how it would feel crying with head put on a shoulder of a person who loves him, and he felt great just by imagining. He doesn’t know if he will ever find such a shoulder or any shoulder just to help him cry. He would prefer a shoulder that loves him.

***

He has wondered about how girls feel about obscene things – things portrayed on television, magazines, and newspapers. He thinks that they must be feeling ashamed but he knows he can’t understand it by himself. This, he thinks, is a bit difficult to understand and sensitive too. Or perhaps they just don’t care about such tings. They know it better.

He is also confused with how girls take praise when it is done in a bit explicit way. There are so many songs and poems describing women in a praising way but by using a little obscenity. He doesn’t think this should be appreciated but he thinks it is – secretly. Some obvious things are not spoken because they should not be spoken – just to keep up some respect for each other.

***

He has been told several times that he is a different person. His brother and his father call him a strange human being. Again – he won’t accept that he is different because if he accepts it, he will stop doing all the things he does do to be different. He thinks that everybody wants to be different. It is normal according to him to intend to be different.

He also says that everybody wants to be made to feel important. He has once read “everybody carries a tag around his/her neck saying ‘make me feel important’”. He tries to do things that he thinks will make him important but he is not sure if what he does is right. He knows that he can just end up being a bigger fool. He knows he is an idiot already and so, he also tries doing things that may not be idiotic.

He knows he also has to make other people feel important. He wants to do it many times but is again afraid that he may be misunderstood. He wants to have integrity and likes discussing things and talking them over.

***

He knows that he has been blinded by a few things to which he has given some unprecedented priority. He is still trying to find out if that is wrong. He believes that it is wrong but doesn’t know why it is. To be precise, he is confused. He is not ready to take advices too. He listens to people but acts to his own will. He likes people telling him on such things and he wants to hear more. But he prefers to have things done his way. He is a kind of an egoist - sometimes an egotist too. He must put things right before they put him on the erroneous path.

***

So, he wrote the first page of the book of his life and he is waiting for the ink to dry. Things have come to a stand still for him and the page cannot be turned. The story of a guy like me is of a single page having the things written above here. There were some things he was afraid to right; scared to put into words for the fear that they will create complexities for him. He will be living with all the words he writes for all his life. So, he needs to be careful. But now, he can right only when the first page is turned. He is waiting for that.

He hopes that the reason that is stopping the ink from drying itself turns the pages and writes the rest of the story. He knows that would never happen. He will remain as an unfinished story in the book of his life.

This guy like me has seen 20 years till now and the last 2 of those 20 were the most significant. They have shown him new lights and have also blinded him. I pray to Allah that he walks on the right path and sees all his dreams come true. Allah is greatest and only He will decide the whole thing, and this guy like me will accept what Allah decides. Even I will accept that!

Blogging: The Voice to be Heard

2006-09-25T12:19:00.000-05:00

The express growth of the internet and internet technologies is precious as an opportunity for citizens to have their voices heard on a wide assortment of issues - their governments, the corporations that have become significant in their roles as efficient humans, and the unions that represent their labor interests or prove to be unhealthy at times. And with the advent of blogging in the late 90sÂ, things have turned out to be all favorable for people who had always wanted to cover a wider audience in a truly adroit way.

Everyone has the invincible right to freedom of opinion and expression Â the right to free speech; this right includes the free will to hold views without interference, and to share ideas and knowledge regardless of the frontiers. Blogging facilitates exactly that. This virtual medium provides the unmatchable environment wherein every person gets a powerful voice that could be made heard to the whole world. The readers or the listeners Â audio blogging has become the Âin-thingÂ lately Â can talk back with their own opinions by the way of commenting or starting a blog of their own. So, everyone has his/her own say.

Blogging has become too easy given the fast growing technologies and superfluous ideas. All a user has to do is type the content in a text editor or directly into the site, and get it published in a matter of seconds by making a few clicks. Features akin to publishing by sending e-mails or SMS through cell phones are catching up. Vendors like Blogger, Myspace and Wordpress are the preferred ones as they are exhaustive with their features.

We never had such an opportunity in the past to get our voice heard in the open. Blogging is the evolved use of the internet that should be enjoyed as a fruit of hardships seen in the past. The Âgeneration-nextÂ has the responsibility to keep things rolling.

Note: This particular article of was written and submitted by me for competing the post of sub-editor of MJ Communique.

Modus Operandi of Love Marriages

2006-09-07T09:04:00.000-05:00

Being contemplative over issues about some distaste towards love marriages can be melodramatic but may sometimes even result in morose responses. Emotions and feelings are precursors so no amount of magnanimous time spent to explain any person about the cons of such kind of marriages can ever be of any substantial use. Every time such talk is brought forward, examples of successful nuptial relationships that have involved two single lovers before the tie are spoken about and are used as weapons to fight the so called conservatives and narrow minded people.

It is of course a matter of worthy happiness if the girl and the boy love each other and have decided to get married. Definitely it has many times been seen that such marriages have been going smoothly and without any guilt. But it is chiefly because there are always some kinds of auxiliary and special qualities in either or both of the two lovers that keep them bonded. Every time a love marriage is successful it is because there were several breaches that had never made and continue not to make any difference to the relationship. The couple is wise enough to understand what it takes for a successful marriage and how to elude communication gaps and consequent misunderstandings. The extra understanding of self-esteem, ego and what to talk and what not to talk is essential for this success and we all very well know if this happens or not.

Knowing the rules of the game beforehand is necessary to win it. When we don’t know the rules, we break them even without knowing that we are breaking them, and this leads to being thrown out of the game and if the rule broken has caused too much loss to both the teams, even the game needs to be aborted.

I am not here to write any rules. In the lines below I wish to list out, and elucidate to some extent, the demerits of love marriages. No doubt the comprehensiveness that may be derived from the merits can be more exhaustive and appealing, but it may be more of subjective. What I am going to discuss may too be subjective to some but a limited extent. Objective lines with reasoned and valid explanations are that that would make the list have substance.

I put my trust in the value judgments and mature minds of the readers and would also like to remind them that it is a lot easier to feel than to think.

Love usually happens at first sight. If it is otherwise – after spending time with each other, probably like friends – then the both have known each other very well and have felt that the other is best suited for them. This can better be termed as love between friends or marriage between friends. Lets look at the first kind – love at first sight. The two have hardly known each other and if it was not for the looks then it would have been something like their behaviors or ‘mystic’ attractions that have brought them closer. This is all subjective. The guy is always supposed or expected to take the first step and he puts on all the efforts initially. He behaves well and impresses her. He proposes, she accepts, parents have no problem and they marry. Until now, neither the boy nor the girl, have known about the little unlikable qualities in each other. The rest is obvious and can be predicted.

But if the girl and the boy have spent time with each other before marriage – have been on dates, movies, or at least spent some time to know each other – even then they fail to grasp the necessary knowledge of each other because both of them behave in the best way they could in front of the other as they are afraid that any wrong move or any wrong word would break their trust and also the relation that is about to happen. The guy spends more time with the girl, fulfills all her wishes and does everything to keep her happy – all this just to make her accept his marriage proposal. They get married. The guy has her now, so he stops doing all the things he used to do before their marriage. Now he spends less time with her and more with his friends and work, gives little attention to her, and begins to forget the powerful love he had felt for her. She says “you have changed since our marriage. You were different before our marriage”. Is there anybody who hasn’t heard of anything like this – at least in the movies? Okay, if you say that it happens only in movies, then let me ask if you know every detail what a couple that has had a love marriage talk about when alone and when unhappy with each other. Every married couple develops indifferences sometime or the other, but anything like this is never said. It makes a lot of difference when it is said.

When the lovers see each other, they have expectations. They want in return the same amount of affection, love and care they give. It doesn’t happen always. They are disheartened after the marriage when they don’t get what they had wanted to achieve from the marriage – in many contexts.

The two have seen each other with their own respective friends. One might have seen a friend of the other joking about him/her. The girl might have seen the guy with another girl who was just his friend, or vise versa. One might have seen the other laughing at something he/she had respected. All this, at some time or the other, come up between the two after their marriage.

Before the marriage both of them have considered each other equal in every sense or perhaps the guy has made the girl feel a bit more superior than himself while persuading her to marry him. He might have even bowed in front of her or got down on his knees. He is not going to do this again – after the marriage. The girl might have liked him only because he had done it.

After the marriage they are no more equal – not is every right or responsibility they have. As friends or acquaintances they might have had equality but after the marriage, it is the husband who becomes the head of the family. The girl may not like it because previously they were equals and now he has become a bit superior. Equality between a husband and a wife is a myth – we all know it and also know that it is necessary.

Coming to friends who have got married to each other. Firstly we need to know that they were friends before marriage and now they are the spouses of each other. It takes time for them to understand the difference and change their attitudes accordingly. Previously they could fight, break the friendship or not talk to each other and then again unite, but now that they are tied to each other, it is not possible for them to behave the way they had done being friends. We know what can happen here.

If they were friends, then it is probable that there wasn’t much of any age difference between the two. It can also be that the girl is elder to the guy. This may create some ego problems again.

They have already known each other. Now that they are married they don’t get much to talk to each other about themselves. The guy will already have praised the girl to the limit and the girl already admired him to her satisfaction. Also possible is that they get bored of each other or tired of loving.

The girl is never going to blush. She has already done it before marriage. Now she will hardly be shy in front of the guy. But guys like this. They will miss this joy after marriage. It is one of those very blissful things that bring the newly wed couple closer. Things in this sense can be imagined and understood, I need not bring everything on paper.

They both have already spent time in romancing, playing, teasing and enjoying with each other. If they had done it after the marriage instead, it would have made their marriage stronger. But it had just made the temporary relation – the one they had before marriage – stronger. Even this is among those things that are better done after marriage.

Being friends, the kind of respect between them is a lot different than what they need to have now. It takes time to adjust with this and if anything goes wrong before the adjustment happens … no guesses!

Even common friends can be a problem. A friend may be closer to one of the two, and may speak out some secrets that were to be kept secret. Who knows what all may go wrong with some misunderstanding coming up?

When two unknowns get married, there is a kind of excitement between them. The excitement to know each other, the blushing cheeks, the innocent smiles, the unforgettable moments spent in breaking the ice, the games played with eyes and what not. Some of these will be already done between the two before the marriage if its love marriage. What will they do now?

There are also some constraints from the families of either of the sides. Usually it has been seen that the boy’s parents have problems (as long as things have nothing to do with rivalries or bad family backgrounds). Even if every person is happy, there is some hiccup from some relatives of the girl. It sometimes questions the girl’s character even if she is a very good person. These things die away once the marriage is performed, but in the later stages, if there are some rough times the couple sees, then these things do pop up to worsen the conditions.

Of course the money matters. We all know what happens if there is a big gap in the statuses of the two sides. Ego again.

Ego plays a very important role always. If the marriage is arranged, the girl is younger than the boy, the two families are of the same financial position, and if both the families are happy and satisfied with the marriage, then no such problems arise.

They have decided to get married after a lot of thinking and ever fear. If they had been married to the person of their parents’ choice, they would never question anything and trust their elders’ decision. How often do we trust ourselves completely? In big decisions don’t we consult our parents because we know they understand what is right for us? The marriage relation is always on a thin line threatening to break away if no elders were involved with the decision. A marriage is more than just a bond between two people, two families are involved.

When something goes wrong between the couple, there is a good chance that they may start regretting their decision to marry the person. They may say, “I made a mistake by marrying you” or “I didn’t know you were like this” or “you cheated me” or “you don’t love me the way you used to do”. Is this not the end of everything?

So finally, I would like to repeat what I had written even before listing out the demerits – it takes at least one of the two spouses or both of them to have something extra, more than what is required from those in arranged marriages, in them to have a successful relationship and a peaceful life.

The rest is left for the readers to comprehend. We all have been obliged with the capacity to think, differentiate, analyze, judge and decide. A decision needs to be followed by an action.

The King and The Kingmaker

2006-08-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

We don’t live in a world which allows any free space for slavery. There are no more dominators who would have people as their property. Gone are the days of masters and owners. We, today, live in a world that encompasses two mindsets, both of which are equally important for the existence of advancement and the civilization. We have the kings and the kingmakers. They are fixed frames of minds – points of view or perceptions - they confer space for satisfying dreams.

“All humans are equal” and this is a myth. When every person has a perception of his own place in this world, indifferent to the world that allows him that perception, unscathed by the status this world gives him, and unwilling to accept anything less the world helps him with, and when he– in some way or the other – thinks himself as superior or inferior to some other people he meets, how can he be equal? Though equality can be preached to every child, it can’t be accepted with honesty by the person who preaches it. He may not call himself superior, but always has people he thinks high of. He makes himself inferior if not superior. So is equality of humans not a myth? Think about it.

The category or class of a person depends on what he thinks about himself, the size of the dreams he visualizes, the importance he gives to theses dreams, and the price he pays to live up to his dreams. A dream gives the position to his class. His class gives him a level of perception. The world distinguishes him as a king or a kingmaker.

A man dreams to build a 110 storey tower. The size gives him a class. He works for his dream. He gets people employed. The architects, the engineers, the electricians, the plumbers, the craftsmen, the masons, the laborers, the blue-collared workers – they all work. Bit by bit, piece by piece – thousands of hands and hundreds of heads - they all work days and nights for the construction.

These people have their dreams; these dreams have brought them here to this place. The architect dreams of becoming a famous designer, the engineer dreams of the proprietorship of a fantastic construction firm, the electrician and plumber dream of some big contracts with large pay packets, the craftsman dreams of a piece of work that would guarantee him a continuous source of income, the mason dreams of a decent living for his family, the laborer and the blue-collared worker dream of an average life to see them through.

All these people, with dreams of several sizes, work. They work for their dreams. All these men – small, big – they all work for their dreams and in turn they are all just a small part of a very big dream – the 110 storey office tower. They work to fulfill a big dream of a big man. Their dreams are a small part of a very big man’s dream.

Are these men inferior because they couldn’t have a bigger purpose in their lives? Does the lesser size of their dream make them small? Are these men small in status and class? No they are not. They are the kings. The man with the bigger dream is the kingmaker. And they both are equally important – to each other and to the whole of the world. A kingmaker cannot exist without a king and a king cannot exist without a kingmaker. Though both these people are of equal importance, they still are not equal. No two people can ever be equal.

The world’s best tennis player is adored and honored with high respects and regards. He is the one who has worked all through and reached this point of success – his talent is praised. He doesn’t mind it as long as it is his talent. He makes a lot of money. He is a millionaire. From where does he get his money? His talent mints the buck? Gold coins are showered when he wins? No, the sponsors give him money – for winning a game, for sporting their name on his jersey, for endorsing their product, for performing some drama in some entertaining advert. Or he gets his money from the match fee. But we know which source makes a bigger difference.

Will this man ever dream of becoming a tennis star if there were no sponsors who would make him a multi-millionaire? Would he ever want to play in front of huge crowds if he were to get nothing but fame? Would there be any games if there were no sponsors and no people to watch them? Would he just play for his country’s honor? Would he play tennis only because he likes to play tennis? Then why does he want to play in an arena that is flooded with money? Can he not play just because he likes to play? Why does he take money for playing if he plays to fulfill his liking?

Consider the car brand Mercedes. Why are it’s productions so expensive? The better answer is the name that comes with the cars – Mercedes. And the name has become powerful because the kingmakers have used the kings to make it popular and heavy.

There is always money involved. And the money comes from kingmakers. They make these tennis stars. They make them multi-millionaires. And what do they get in return? They become multi-billionaires. The million-dollar dream of a tennis player fulfills the billion-dollar dream of the sponsor. The king is made because of a kingmaker and the king exists to make the kingmaker!

They both are perfectly right - in every way that could be explained. It’s just the matter of what these people want from their personal lives. One wanted to make the other play and give him money so that he could make more money, and the other wanted to play and take the money. Both dreams are pleased and both are happy – both are called successful. But the kingmaker sacrifices fame. Maybe is not a sacrifice, it’s the way he wants to lead his life; and it’s compensated by the bigger bank accounts he has in comparison to the king.

Things exist because these two exit. In a way it can be said that the one who has a bigger bream becomes a kingmaker and those with comparatively smaller dreams become kings. Kings dream but they work for the dream of the kingmaker. And the kingmaker needs these smaller dreams to turn his big dream in form of a reality. Both are good and necessary. Both are ethical.

But sometimes there is a bad side to the whole game. When small dreamers fail to be ethical with their conscience, they become a prey to the kingmakers. The king makers capitalize of the low-rated mindsets of these small kings. For example, the fashion industry. Let us have a closer look at it and understand why billions are involved in this kind of market.

Man always wanted to have an upper hand over women. He wanted to prove himself more powerful. He wanted to rule over them, their minds, and not just minds – more than that – their bodies. He wanted to see women with lesser clothes. For two reasons – to degrade their dignity, and to fulfill his unsavory and execrable desire of watching at a woman’s body. What did he do? He created a competition out of it. He produced a market where clothes that were supposed to be dirty – clothes that defy chastity – were termed as classy, modern and wonderful. A woman wearing the most ‘daring’ clothing is termed as courageous, new and independent. Man created a competition that began to reward – money – to women who were more of the above kinds.

What did women do? They saw this as being given liberty and independence. They found fame, money and men by succumbing to this market. It is said that every person lives by selling something. No doubt what women started selling. Let us not talk the obvious!

Who made more money? These women and young girls or the multinational brands? Of course the kingmakers. The kings were happy too. Everything’s so obvious.

Every part of life engages this deal – between the king and the king maker. It is supposed to be that way. It takes two to carry out a dream – no doubt who dreams it – the king and the king maker. One is recognized with fame and the other with power. Money is everywhere.

It’s purely a matter of personal choice that we chose to be kings or kingmakers. We barely direct the way we drift into. It is solely deemed by the outlook we have and the dreams we can see. Though it may shape our life in different ways, the purpose is same – the fulfillment of the decisive dream.

Some people just hallucinate. They don’t accomplish. But it is enough that that they are dreaming and letting others know the promises of life. Without these big dreamers there would be no civilization. Though these dreamers may leave the world without seeing the substance part of the finality, others who would fulfill them would be the winners. So, these dreamers initiate success. But they are always those exceptions who dream big and also put things in real forms.

We are a part of this game. Some are players and some are pawns. There are no players if there are no pawns and vice versa. One player dies, the other comes up. The same is with the pawns. Things move on and people too. Only one thing remains static – reality. The reality though varies on the insights people have and the dreams they dream. People being different, never means they are wrong – they are simply different. We, in this the human race are all about just the two differences - kinds – the king and the kingmaker.

© 2006 Zubair

2006-07-31T12:26:00.000-05:00

Please visit again for new posts - they will take a while. Currently I am more busy with some poetry and there ARE several reason I am not able to write anyting for my blogs. The ME Daily anyways is updated almost daily.

Thank You Mr. Zidane

2006-07-13T14:03:00.000-05:00

Zinedine Yazid Zidane will be remembered for a while, and then will be forgotten; newer amusements come in and the older ones fade out leaving fairly respectable impressions on the history records. Voices rise and are deafened by louder ones; all that remains is an old crack on the tablets of fame and greatness. These tablets are relabeled with new inscriptions and are hardly scanned for the underlying layers by the eye of the next generation thread. But for those who are barely blindfolded from irrational emotions that create history, the present will mean more than just history for them when their present visions materialize – in their self-controlled future.

A man is all about discipline and control. Even under the hardest of his times he is know by the emotions he puts on display which by all means are the premise of his character. He may be successful as a millionaire, always shine giving out the light of his mastery, or be an articulate genius, but he is hardly then a man of wisdom if he can’t control his emotions.

Realizing the Sunday’s event as a lesson to be learnt from a compromise done on emotional discipline, I travel through the idea of enrichment of any edible tuberous root such as a sweet potato which grows inside the earth surrounded by the dirtiest mud and is taken out to be relished by the human tongue. The point here is that though it was surrounded by unsavory, it comes out as a gift from the nature. Though this is not an error committed by the nature, it shows how nature absorbs from something unpalatable. And it is not an idea it is a law.

The lesson to be learnt from a fallacy committed in a way trains us not to become committed to any such behavior. Zidane teaches us the consequences of being uncontrolled and undisciplined. It was a match that would have probably been won by the French soccer team but with the exit of Zizou, apart from losing the captain – the French fountainhead, the team players were possibly demoralized and might have lost the zeal and conviction required to win. Zidane, being 34 years of age is expected to be rational and think before he could act – before coming to a conclusion that he has the right to attack a player from the opposite team on the field. He did prove that it is lot easier to feel than to think.

It is no doubt a matter of deep concern taking the verbal duels, mudslinging and vulgarity directed at the core subject of racialism and inhuman values; it is sad that such an act was carried out by an Italian player expected of class. It is obvious that any normal human being under such pressure would get provoked and turn aggressive. But was the objective of Zidane in the field that day was anything else rather than winning the match for his country? Is it true that he did put some things above a victory for his nation? Were a few unreadable comments larger than a nation that bowed in front of him and hoped that he would get them a joy billion times more than the price of that cup? Zidane has exhibited the so called anti-moral anti-society individualism ruling over the so preferred collectivism.

This was the 14th time that Zidane was given a red card and not to forget the one he got playing Saudi Arabia. Having played over a 100 matches, he is expected to be a mature sportsperson having only the team in his mind and not any traces of personal feelings – at least when he is playing a world cup final match. I am sure this was not the first time that a racialist comment was thrown at him. Did he not learn from his past experiences? Did he think it was fine for him to take up such a thing at such a nervy moment? Or was he waiting for such a thing to happen before his departure so that he can take a final revenge? He could have done so much against racialism after taking an honorable retirement and could have dedicated his life for the betterment of the underprivileged.

My regards for him shall never change and he will remain as my favorite all through my time. I am sure to forget his last match and remember him as a genius footballer. But apart form all this I learn from him that a personal aggression intended to defend a personal comment can cost a world cup final match – can break a billion hearts. I learn that though a man can reach the threshold of personal success, a single mistake from his side can destroy all the life that exists in the small moments of glory when he can just break into a high of incredible pleasure of joy. I learn that a man who cannot control himself can end up loosing a dream at the final level of gratification.

I denounce the Italian who was the evil and I disapprove of Zidane who committed an evil act. Perhaps it takes more than a Zidane to prove that humans can be perfect. Zidane was closer to perfection and he shall always be adored for what he was.

Check this out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zidane

Dreams

2006-07-06T13:49:00.000-05:00

Right from every person’s understanding of the existence of two kinds of dreams to the interpretation and explication of them, my heart is fairly oblique to the obvious fact that any kind of dream gets everybody astonished, and that astonishment has got me to write this. The two kinds of dreams are of course the one seen when we are asleep and the one imagined in consciousness.

It is not of much concern to me what is dreamt in sleep - it may be an interesting topic all together but it depends on the individual who prefers taking it on with more interesting construal; I happen to take these dreams as an entertainment to me sometimes apart from some amazing ideas I get from them. Otherwise they mean nothing at all.

Every human has some hopes, some wishes and some dreams. Hopes and wishes are usually the lighter forms of dreaming where nothing much is expected out of them. But the dreams – they make the soul take part in a quest for cosmic significance. A dream is like a force in the universe that puts fresh energy back into the system.

Why do we dream? Probably because we feel nice by doing that. Or maybe because of our longing for more comforts in our lives. Or perhaps it is just in the nature of humans to dream. But it can be much better understood as a source that drives people towards success. People are considered successful when they accomplish dreams – of their own and of others. So dreams are probably dreamt to further life or to quench the thirst of the vacuum that is created when we don’t have anything worthwhile in our lives.

We are here today in this modern era for only one reason: because great people in the past have had great dreams which they did accomplish. It was not just in the past that people had great dreams; in the present day too there are innumerable scientists and researchers who constantly dream big and achieve the impossible. It all starts with a small imagination that gets converted into a dream. And this tiny dream becomes the only purpose of life for these people – they live for it and live up to it; successfully.

A true dream is a hope. It is the energy that makes living out of survival. Having a fire in the belly to achieve what has been dreamt is the only way that takes us there – to the apex of our life.

Everyone wants to be successful, have the best in his/her life and have all the desires fulfilled. Seldom are people found victorious in getting what they want. Why does this happen? Why do people fail? Who is to be blamed for the failure people see in getting their dreams fulfilled?

A dream must be an emotional energy – that which comes out from the inside, something undefined yet our own. The dream must be an offshoot of our psychological embodiments that casts a vision – a vision close to our heart, a recreation of our inner strengths in the form of a power that would drive us to a desired end, and a hope that keeps the soul running. The dream must create a fire in our belly. Only that kind of determination can get us to a triumph. Most of us lack this emotional energy, hence the lack of determination and lack of ‘fire in the belly’.

Without fire in the belly, a dream is impossible – it is nothing more than just wishful thinking. When we feel truly passionate about something then we are in dream territory. The right dream drops passion in our guts. It begins from that passion.

Sometimes it dies away. The basic reason is lack of confidence on ones own self. This again is an indication of missing fire in the belly. But sometimes it is because of our background and environment that we fall back from accomplishing our dreams. Even the people who pour in negative material into our ears are a junk that causes only destruction. But we only need one person who believes in us to make the dream a reality. To start with it is better that we are that person ourselves.

People cannot see what we can see, so it’s better that we don’t try to make them see our dream. If they don’t like our dream, it means that they have never learnt to dream anything. Having a dream won’t be easy – nobody will love us more because we see what they don’t.

There are times when we don’t have proper dreams or proper ambitions. This can be because of the same reason why we fail to accomplish our dreams. But we should realize the importance of dreaming; it is the small spark that lights up the fire that gives light to our life. Getting a dream means being unafraid to get emotional: to get to those places where our true feelings and gut urges hide. Too many people are afraid of their feelings and they end up living a tragic lie.

A dream when decided to be pursued becomes a goal when its exact date of accomplishment is written with it. Dreams, or goals, can be short term or long term. All are to be given importance but a better planning of short term ones is essential for the success of the long terms’.

There is one point where people fall short of getting to the right objective or goal in their lives – backward goal setting. People set their goals depending on their past experiences and the experiences of others. They are blinded by the forces that say they can’t do what they want to do. They see short of their potentials and are conservative in their approach towards their lives. They cannot see what they can do, instead they believe only in what has already been done and they trust only the existing capacities. Their dreams are the already accomplished dreams by some other people and they are not their original. These kinds of backward goal setters never make a difference in their own lives, let alone others. The accomplishment of a perfect dream should affect at least every person connected to us if not the whole world.

When the proper dream is dreamt, and a good goal set, there is always a price to be paid to see it get transformed into a reality – not a virtual one, in our imaginations, but in physical reality. Sacrifice, discipline, commitment, perseverance, faithfulness, loyalty. delayed gratification. Feeling nauseous yet? These words conjure up mental images of pain, agony and years of frustration in search of a dream. They’re becoming less and less popular especially to the Leisure – Pleasure Generation of today.

We can see dreams and build castles in the air, it is perfectly alright to do that, but to really live in those castles we need to build foundations beneath them. The higher our castle rests, the bigger and larger the foundation we need. We must be clear about our dream, our aims, our willingness to pay the highest price, and our readiness to go through the kind of pain that the average human being avoids.

Discipline is doing it when you don’t want to do it. Discipline means, apart from anything else, having routines: doing the same things all the times. Not the things that unsuccessful people do, but the things unsuccessful people won’t do. Discipline is the chieftain of requirements to see our dreams being fulfilled.

Bigger dreams are seen by visionaries. These people may or may not complete what they start but they do leave behind something more to be done and dreamt. We are not tiny little unimportant creatures in this world – this world is because of us and our existence in it. Our passion has brought us this far and our dreams will take our march further. We may not last in the world for long but our accomplishments do. What will we get being remembered when we are no more? But if we have our dreams successfully accomplished then it is the present life that will adore us and the satisfaction we obtain will surpass all the materialisms.

Negativity is everywhere – the largest part of it is inside us. It is contagious because people are not conscious of their shortcomings. We ought to clear ourselves of this disease of being small and shortsighted. It’s a crime to let our potentials become suppressed under the weight of our narrow views. This world is for the one who lives feeding himself on his own energy and victory, parasites feed on others and live under others. They have no vision and they leave the world unused.

Imagination and creativity is here to stay. Money is paid for ideas. Those who materialize the ideas are nothing but parasites. Those who come out with these ideas are the victors. Ideas, dreams, visions, goals – they all belong to the same kind – the winner’s kind.

Television and Me

2006-06-27T14:50:00.000-05:00

It is not that I hate watching television or even dislike it, it has more to do with it’s content that irritates me. Otherwise in every valid case - be it entertainment or knowledge gathering - I love watching television. But when I weigh the merits against it’s demerits, I find television to be more negative on me – in a more objective sense: it irritates me. This, I had felt and thought to have a negative impact on the way I look at the world surrounding me and also within me. The negation is on my mental being and that boils down to my attitude towards life. Apart from the psychological disturbances television creates, the content usually finds me with a stench of scorn – I don’t find it logical in a way that I prefer calling things logical.

I have used the television in many ways. Right from playing video games of all kinds on it – 8 bit to 64 bit, connecting cassette and CD players and watching movies, and of course the broadcasted channels which are connected to the set via the famous ‘cable’. I desire to discuss the content available through this ‘cable’.

The most decent of the television channels are the news channels. They are just supposed to be the decent but they do a great amount of damage. Every individual news channel can be found to have taken a stance on every particular item and they prove to the viewers that the opinion they have put out is correct. The facts are on the dull side of the game and opinions are given more shine. The spicing up of the facts to the ‘creation’ of news makes or breaks a news channel. They all seem to be in a rat race to increase their TRPs but they do not seem understand that a winner of a rat race is a rat. I somehow feel like asking them back if so much of ridiculous stuff is worth being acquired by our brains and expected to be called as knowledge which is said to be a satisfaction in itself.

Some days back I happened to sit in front of the television. Though I didn’t like myself doing this, I had to do – there were forceful reasons behind. I was watching a news channel which was ‘sharing’ with the viewers the story of an Indian girl getting married to a Pakistani boy. They had met through the internet and they had decided to get married for reasons best known to them-selves as if they can’t find suitable matches in their own respective countries. This was ‘news’ according to that news channel. They were showing all the preparation the girl was making at her residence – the design of henna on her hands, her jewelry, her bridal clothes, and what not. For once I just got the feeling that I was watching the video of some relative of mine getting married! I couldn’t understand how such a personal endeavor can become an occasion worthy enough to be broadcasted on a national channel with millions of viewers watching it.

When I find any useless news on the television I can understand that there was nothing much that had happened that day and the channel is playing with the audience. Then the next day when something fascinating happens, it looks as if these channel people have made that happen.

Then there are the advertisements on these news channels that are shown even while the news is being read. They look more like pop-ups popping out when we use the internet. The only difference is that while using the internet we can have a pop-up blocker to stop them and here we can’t have that privilege.

The music channels are a class in themselves. There are those that belong to the lowest class but command a higher TRP.

Among the several shows that irritate me the most of them are the ones that make the viewer come back to them again. They are like cigarettes with a high content of nicotine in them that pull the smoker back in. The lead in this kind is taken by the daily soaps. This is so obvious that it will be silly for me to elaborate the dumbness of these shows. But I salute the directors and producers of such shows – they know exactly what touches the hearts of the viewers and what can make them feel rather than think. The acting performances make no difference; it is the dialogues and the music. Dialogues induce new vocabulary into the minds of the viewers and they learn how to become more expression-filled when they talk to others (when they get time). The music is the chieftain – no matter how the dialogues are, no matter how the action is, or whatever, music creates the perfect atmosphere. Music creates the mood that fits into the story – sorrowful, threatening horror, romantic or pleasant.

It is not the ask for entertainment that pulls people back to these shows but the curiosity of what’s going to happen next in the story. The ‘next’ keeps coming and more ‘nexts’ follow. The show never ends. The finality is that there is nothing final.

There are quiz shows and those that acknowledge the youth for their impressive knowledge filled minds. I wonder if the knowledge in our brains is more important or the wisdom to know what we got to do to have the relevant knowledge with us. Gifts worth a heck are given to the so-called knowledgeable. I am sure what those people thrive to remember can be found in a hundred rupee book available at the nearest book shop. (Am I supposed to know what made a particular car manufacturing company to give a particular name to it’s new car model? Why should I have concerns with that? Let them name it anything – Sissy Boy or He-Man.)

The movies shown on movie channels are again a confusing lot. They are called block-busters and kind. They are just the movies that was declared flop even before they were released.

The other part of the television: advertisements or commercials. There are people who complain about the number of advertisements the channels air. Do they think the channels are run by some government or a welfare society that intends to entertain people? Don’t they understand the purpose behind the running of these channels? It is all money do doubt.

The advertisements are the most severe irritators to me though I am amused by them at times. The news channels probably give away the air time at a lower cost so the adverts on them are third grade with all the local products being publicized. The adverts are either dubbed from other languages or have idiotic themes and ideas. The local music channels air the most rotten of them.

There are of course those adverts, common to all the channels, which seem to have taken birth in a numbskull’s advertising agency. They make good and branded names silly at times with ridiculous concepts used to advertise them. They take superstar celebrities and create a heck out of them. I remember seeing a top notch Bollywood actor trying to sell hair oil that promises to keep my head cool. I have no objections to that but when a favorite of mine is endorsing a hair oil brand by behaving like a fool on the television, it definitely hurts me. More than half of the adverts are dumb and they are worth not a single watch.

But some people do have brains. I love that commercial of an adhesive wherein a woman is working and her about-two-year-old son keeps running away from her. She brings the child back but he runs away again. Then she finally makes him sit on a box and he doesn’t move! The kid is sitting on a box of that adhesive. There in not a single real dialog spoken but still the advert looks least formidable. The logic of a boy sitting on a box that holds him from moving may look silly but it is entertaining alongside advertising that brand.

There are very few commercials of such kind that boast of a wise explanation of why that product should be preferred over the others. Even if there is nothing wise, there are few that just entertain, with no reason, with no logic, but still have a class in them. The kind of adverts a channel broadcasts makes up for the ‘class’ of that channel. Usually the news channels lack this.

Once I turned on the television set to get the latest updates of a cricket match. It was late night and I had to search for the channel that was relaying the game. I came across 51 of them before I could find what I wanted. But in those 51 channels I saw at least 20 of them showing some advertisement of some product that proclaims itself to be the best that would help us slim down and reduce weight. I was thinking if people have no other work than losing weight. Why are they more concerned about their looks and not their brains?

I once saw the commercial of the shaving razor brand I use. I felt like punishing myself for using that brand. I knew why there was a female model in that advert but I didn’t like her being there. This was just one single instance – even other accessories used only by men have ladies in their advertisements.

We have heard a lot about the negative impacts of the television on our society and also the individuals. The thing that pricks me the most is that I believe the failure of most of the marriage relationships that are taking place now a days are mainly due to this television. The actors and actresses are chosen by the producers from millions - these faces are one in a million – picked up and prepared to look perfect in front of the camera. They appear pleasing and incredible and they make money for the industry. But the viewers cough up their lives sometimes because of the same. When they see perfect faces they expect the same from their spouses. But of course their spouses are not one in millions; they are not perfect and as pleasing as the ones seen on the television screen. The expectations are hurt and the relationships broken. It happens directly or indirectly.

The language used in many soaps; the vocabulary – everything; the plots, the sequences – they are all related by the people with their own lives and they don’t imagine the loss as a result of this. It results in people having lesser trust in their spouses. This, in a way, creates a communication gap. The difference between hate and dislike is forgotten, the relationship is lost.

The most beautiful relation created by God is destroyed by a nuisance called The Television. It is not the television exactly but the content that does the damage and harm.

Have people lost their ability to decide what is right and wrong? Have people failed to realize that what can entertain them can also destroy them? Have people been so ignorant of the consequences of becoming couch potatoes?

I have nothing against those who watch television. They can decide for themselves. I am much concerned with myself and I have decided that I will keep away from it. Yes, sometimes it becomes necessary for me to have a look at it when there is something important being shown. And once in a while I do sit in front of it. But I hardly switch it on by myself except on rare occasions. I am glad this thing couldn’t carry me away from my consciousness.

Every person needs some kind of entertainment and it is his/her right. But anything that can be a means of destruction to him/her must be condemned. The whole of television is not bad. It has many good advantages. These kinds of merits and demerits have been discussed at many places. My purpose of writing this was to share why I prefer having the demerits speak for me as a source of drive for me that stops me from watching it.

Keeping away from the television gives me a lot of extra time and helps me have a better commitment towards my parents. Though sometimes I find myself ignorant of some facts shown on the television but it gives a kind of pride to me – not knowing something because I don’t watch television. I am glad to be ignorant about the hit movies now a days, and also the names of many movies. I feel great when someone asks me if I have seen some advertisement and I say I haven’t.

The bottom line: I love not watching television – it is a satisfaction in itself.

Selfishness: A Virtue and a Concrete Principle

2006-06-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

Selflessness is often considered another word for greatness; a selfless person is regarded as a true human being ready to help others and most importantly live for others. He is respected everywhere and he takes no concern for the respect he gets – he is selfless. Everyone likes to adapt this ‘accepted virtue’ and seeks to attain satisfaction and contentment in his life through it.

So I thought it would rather be a ‘virtue’ to help everybody this way – helping them know what they are to do to become true persons (if they desire to); helping them know more about their want. So I decided to write out about two men – a selfless and a selfish – under a similar situation, and the way they act. Their actions are strictly in concord to their belief structures. The selfless man believes in altruism and the selfish man believes in egoism.

Let me consider an event when both these men cross a very busy street, busy with heavy and fast flow of vehicular traffic – with their respective mothers.

As the selfless man starts to cross the street with his mother, his mother slips and falls down. He finds there is another woman who has fallen too. Initially he tries to help both the people lying on the high speed lane. He realizes he has no choice but to choose one of them. He pulls out the other woman safe out of the street. His mother dies.

In the same situation the selfish man helps his mother out. The other lady dies.

The two men are true to their beliefs. Both of them are avid followers of their principles in a sense that they long for perfection in what they have opted to believe in. They have their priorities and their priorities are defined by their virtues. The altruist man has his virtue as selflessness and the egoist has it as selfishness.

When religion in taken into account first, then next the ethics and morality, in this particular show of actions of the two men, the selfless man is unreservedly the murderer of his mother. Though he has saved a life, he has committed a sin and a moral crime – of letting his mother die. It his mother that declares him the murderer. In the case of the selfish man he is religiously, morally and ethically right. Though he has left the other lady to die, he has not made any mistakes. Here the selfless man has saved his mother because he lives for others and not himself – living for himself would require him to have his mother saved and that would have been the ask to leave the other woman die.

Coming to the psychological impact of the actions of the two men on themselves. The selfless man can never be happy letting his mother die. He will live the rest of his life with a guilt inside him that will ultimately turn into a supernatural punishment after his death. He has let his mother die. On the other hand the selfish man may feel empathy for the other lady but he is glad to save his mother. He couldn’t have had a better opportunity to serve his mother. Though he has done something not for him directly, but his action gives him happiness and contentment which is for him.

So if selflessness that makes a man let his mother die a virtue? If selflessness is followed to its core, does it lead to guilt in a person’s life? Does selflessness make a man a murderer? Is it wise to thrive to follow such an idea? Is altruism a sin?

Selflessness is a ridiculous idea. It is an incomplete principle and incomplete by principle. When a principle is taken as an end to us – an idea that shall remain with us as a premise till our end, then it must be complete and final in every way.

Selfless – the word itself looks threatening. Self – less. Without self. No respect, no value, no recognition, no existence of the ‘self’. Altruism preaches: live for others; it asks for self sacrifice. Is makes one become a slave of the other – a self surrendered slave – with ones own will – much worse than enforced slavery. It is a slavery out of own happiness – a happiness that is not final – that has strings attached to it – that carries guilt with it. Selflessness gives a happiness that makes one feel guiltier. Selflessness preaches being happy is a sin. Selflessness asks abandonment of ones happiness. It asks to thrive of the other’s happiness.

Altruism promises contentment. Is that promise itself not a selfish desire – a desire for contentment. Whose contentment? Ones own? Or the others’? A final principle can’t be self-contradictory. A virtue can’t promise what it calls as evil. Altruism in principle is suicidal.

But these ideas have been accepted because they are accepted; accepted and taught – by our elders, parents, teachers, preachers, friends, enemies, television, newspapers, magazines, unauthenticated scriptures – needless to say, by every human being who has been taught the same thing by one of these things. Selflessness is taken as a virtue because it is called as a virtue by everyone around. People do not know what they must do to be happy and most desirably, be satisfied. So when they are said that it is selflessness that is going to give them happiness and satisfaction, they adapt it. Or should I say, try to adapt it.

Altruism (or selflessness), being incomplete as a virtue, creates more contempt and dissatisfaction. When a person attempts to be selfless, he starts with destroying his self. Later he sacrifices himself to the will of the society. He sacrifices his ideas, his abilities and his values. He believes this is the right way towards everlasting happiness. The more he does this sacrificial act, the more he looses of his life. The more he looses makes him even more unhappy and dissatisfied. But he never doubts the principle he has opted for. He doubts his inefficiency. He puts in more efforts to become more selfless. He runs around in a circle – he never finds contentment.

Selfishness gives contentment. It provides with a complete finality of a principle – a virtue. The word ‘selfishness’ is always misunderstood and it will continue to be so as long as people don’t allow consciousness to overcome their ignorance. Selfishness makes a person an individual a ‘self’ – a unit himself living for the sole purpose of his happiness. Selfishness preaches the idea of putting ones own life before the other’s. It makes a person complete as an object himself that has its own existence – giving him self-respect and recognition. The means to his end can be chosen by himself that give him the liberty over his actions and endeavors.

Everybody is selfish. Breathing, eating, and requirement of shelter are the basic needs of everyman – the needs are for him - selfish. He requires love – for mental fitness – for completeness – selfish. No human can deny his being of selfish. So why should he try and make altruism as his ideal? Why should man search for a principle that promises of selfishness in return? Why should he not follow the virtue of selfishness in the first place itself?

In a free country it is the individual who has to be given freedom – it is the individuals who make a country – not the boundaries. A free country is free only when the self-esteem of every man is upheld. He is happy only when his needs are met. All the requirements are defined under selfishness. How can the desire for basic necessities be evil? How can selfishness be evil? Is eating food to fill ones own stomach evil? Is breathing evil? We live ‘our’ life. Is its evil to do so? Is being free evil?

No religion asks man to sacrifice himself for others. We are here in this world for ourselves – so that we get the right credits in our account – so that we reach heaven. We pray for ourselves. When we pray for others we do it for our happiness. Everything is selfishness.

When a man makes a lot of money he is termed selfish. Whenever he thinks of himself he is called selfish. Whenever he acts in his self-interest he is regarded selfish. The reason is that people are jealous. When they can’t do something for themselves and when they find someone else doing it, they feel jealousy. They can’t make lot of money, they can’t think of themselves, they can’t do things in their self-interest – they want to be selfless or called as selfless. So to make those egoist people be accepted as evil in the society, to destroy them, they call them as selfish. The society has never dared to find out what selfishness is, it accepts the egoists as evil to the society.

So if this is how things take shape then every person who breathes, who fills his stomach, who prays to God – they are must be declared as evil. They are doing this for themselves and not for others. Or do people know what actual evil is? Who defined evil for them? The so unauthenticated so-called religious scriptures? Or themselves?

Selfishness can never be escaped. It has to be accepted in every way. It is a complete idea – in every sense. It is not wrong living for ourselves – for the things of interest to us – for the matters that are of our concern – our happiness, our desires, our satisfaction, our contentment. Being selfish means being more concerned with things of out own interest – people we love, things we value, our religion, doing everything that gives happiness and satisfaction: everything without making a sacrifice. Doing the above is not evil. It is a virtue.

Being selfishness doesn’t mean that we do things that cause to hurt others or cause any destruction. For this purpose moral ethical codes are necessary. Religion has defined all this for us. Any idea not defined under religion can be decided on our own value judgment – rationally.

Geometry of Abstractions

2006-06-16T09:50:00.000-05:00

I can in every way have power over what I say and what I act upon. But it is the thought process that I can’t control. My brain tends to act like a hot-air-filled balloon with an inertia of moving away from my consciousness, and unlike the reality in inertia, I can seldom control it’s motion with external forces – the forces of my consciousness. Some people call it as ‘imagination let run wild’. I prefer it known as abstractions from abstractions which are interconnected again by abstractions and finally lead to only one end – the basic premise of my interests or obsessions or objects or people that mean life to me – in a colloquial sense.

On July 13th, that happened to be a Tuesday, I ran into a train of abstractions that lasted for almost 12 hours. It was not exactly a train – it was a line of marbles rolling, sticking together, but creating no friction and no voice, just newer marbles, more and more, until they joined with a colloquial premise, finally – painfully, to make it complete. A unique geometry of innumerable abstractions was created and even the unseen gaps between successive marbles had abstractions in them. There were no concretes.

After a good number of pages of a novel, I felt like dissolving myself into the present world and decided to read the day’s newspaper. The one I receive at home, The Indian Express’ is merely a brick – it can’t absorb like a sponge nor can it give out like a fresh spring. So I dropped some coins in my pocket, locked the main door, and started on the street to buy myself another newspaper.

When I was out, I looked at the place where my car is usually parked. It wasn’t there. With no thought or analysis of the empty space I had just seen, I looked the other side. The vehicle was there. It was not a sight of relief to me – it was nothing. I was more with myself than my possessions. I saw the vehicle under a thin layer of dust which was visible only from a close distance. I recalled my father who had asked me to wash it the last Sunday. I looked at the vegetable shop in front of me.

The owner, popular in the locality as ‘anna’, was sitting on a stool in a corner with the owner of a shop beside his. Anna has been here for the past several years I have no idea. He hasn’t changed a bit is what I thought when I saw him. He has had many workers at his shop – right from a boy I hated to see, to the present boy who is too mild and soft toward me. Anna, when he started this shop, would also rent bicycles. Then he stopped it. Now he sells milk and vegetables. He might be having a family, I thought – his children whom I have never seen. I continued with: didn’t he ever try to make any progress? how much does he make per month? I thought it can’t be enough for him. Or he might be having some other endeavors too. He is a good man – soft spoken and honest.

His neighbor makes pillows and mattresses that are filled with cotton, not foam. He always has his shop filled with pillows, but never did I see any customers there. I didn’t think about his family.

On the opposite line of the shop, the other side of the street, is a manhole that serves as the drain for rainwater. Involuntarily my eyes paused at it. Anna and his neighbor were no more on my mind. I saw the drain. I lifted my eyes. I was walking. I usually never see beyond 6 inches from my feet while walking – I have been misunderstood with this but it is just my way of walking. I don’t care for what comes and goes from my sides and beyond the 6 inches. But at that instance I lifted my gaze to more than 10 inches.

Two burqa clad girls were heading towards me. Not exactly towards me but towards the street behind me. I kept my eyes to the line I was walking on, parallel to the curves the street was taking, straight to the path I was going to walk on in the next seconds. I didn’t look toward the two ladies. As they came nearer to me they started changing their tracks – they moved left, right, again towards me, confused. I wanted to learn about the absurd behavior of their feet and their tracks. I felt they looked at me – more than the road – obvious little things flashing in their minds – trembling tracks – obviously! Of course.

I kept straight, took no concern, saw a middle aged man on a 2-wheeler. He wore an off-white safari suit. His physique was bulky with a second chin above his neck, dark complexion and the eyes of a careful rider. He had a big dark mark on his forehead caused by the prostrations he might have made in his prayers. Instinctively I remembered an Islamic scholar saying that that mark happens when the pressure on the nose and the forehead while prostration is not properly balanced – improper posture while praying. But of course this man must have prayed a lot – the mark was too dark – full of pride and sereneness. I thought if it as unnecessary that it must be written on our face we pray to our God religiously. I recollected an e-mail I had received from a cousin. At the end it had asked me to forward it to all people I know if I were to love my God. The mail had come to me for that reason my cousin had read. When I met my cousin next I had made a request to him. I had asked him to write back to the person who sent him that mail asking that person to ask himself if it is necessary that love for God is shown in the forwarding of an e-mail. My cousin had told me that the mail was from my other cousin sister. She had forwarded it to the existence of the last sentence – ‘forward this too all your friends if you love God’.

I recollected that I had not forwarded that letter - I know God knows my love for Him better than my own knowledge of it; I can’t show it to anybody – including myself.

I saw some tyres lying I front of me. There was a puncture-repair shop. There were many men standing there. When I took a turn from the largest tyre lying, I found the newspaper shop. There were many papers hanging from a desk. I wondered if I could read all of them in a day and if there was someone who really could do that. I gave the money, took the paper, and turned for home. I was thinking about the contents of the newspaper when I found myself back on the diwaan in my living room.

I wondered why I had chosen that particular paper and not the one that is more famous. The comparison was between ‘The Hindu’ and ‘The Deccan Chronicle’. I went on to elaborate myself on 3 major differences in these 2 papers.

The same day I had read ‘The Deccan Chronicle’. There was a news article on the lower half of the front page that said about the non-coalition working of the Congress Party and the CPI (M) in the forth coming Panchayat Raj polls. The article was titled as ‘End of Road for Congress – CPI (M) relationship’ or something like that. The first sentence in the article was ‘Now it’s official!’ The same news in ‘The Hindu’ was facts and plain. There were no exclamation marks in ‘The Hindu’. The editors of ‘The Deccan Chronicle’ have never kept a distance between facts and opinions. ‘The Hindu’ is clear with its news and the stance it has taken. The news in ‘The Deccan Chronicle’ is opinionated and more factoid. The ownership of ‘The Deccan Chronicle’ is by a congressman. ‘The Hindu’ is inclined towards the BJP. But it apparently seems as if ‘The Hindu’ never makes it’s inclination as obvious as ‘The Deccan Chronicle’.

The second difference I found then was in the feeding of the public tastes. ‘The Deccan Chronicle’ is full of energy and dynamism with the tastes it has developed in it’s readers and also in the way it feeds it. This newspaper has matter which people like to read – good or bad. The news items are more of commentaries and the commentaries are written in such a manner that they are liked by the readers – good or bad. The content on the first page of it additional supplement always deals with obscenity which people deject in the open but like to read in seclusion. It is so obvious. People like it. They want to read such matter. It is full of spice. It gives them excitement. The newspaper makes money. I never found such content with such a ridiculous intention in ‘The Hindu’. ‘The Deccan Chronicle’ has crossed the boundaries of morality and ethics in the quest to gain more circulation and in the greed for more green-backs.

The final difference was in the visuals the newspaper can be defined with. I recognize the semi-nude pictures with the character of ‘The Deccan Chronicle’. ‘The Hindu’ has news and then the pictures related to that news. It is vise versa in ‘The Deccan Chronicle’. ‘The Deccan Chronicle’ has pictures of no importance to the readers but they are projected in such a way that the readers can’t keep their eyes off the obscenity. How disgusting! ‘The Hindu’ is pure and devoid of such third-gradedness.

After going through the paper I took a pen on the Sudoku puzzle on the last page. I got 2 correct digits in the next few seconds and my mind traveled to the computer resting on my desk. I was at my desk immediately.

Later in the evening I had to go to my Grandparent’s house. I was crossing a busy street when I had to wait for a few seconds at a divider in the middle of it. I felt a sudden thud. I saw a man sitting beside me, close to my feet. I didn’t know how that noise had traveled to me – through the vibrations in my tympanum or through the vibrations at the palm of my feet. That man had slipped and landed on the divider as if he were sitting there – but I had not seen it happen. Before I could think of what has actually happened, I was on the other side of the road. I saw a woman staring at me contemptible eyes. I was expected to help that fallen man. He was more than 60 I suppose.

All through my walk to my grandparents’ house I had only one bitter thought in my complete body – what made me not help that man? why didn’t I realize that I had to help him? why did I leave him there? I didn’t pity that man. I didn’t curse myself. I wanted to know what had stopped me. I felt sorry for myself for being slow to react or not reacting at all. I tried to justify by telling myself that I didn’t know that man slipped, I didn’t know what was going on, I was preoccupied with the crossing of that street. But I knew I had to help him – not for him, but for myself – for my satisfaction – for the discipline I have to set for myself – for the rules I have to follow. I took the whole as a lesson learnt. But still I knew I could never be so quick and alert while walking on the streets. I find streets more than what exactly they are. They are the most interesting places on the earth.

I reached my grandparents’ house and forgot everything. I had learnt something and only the lesson remained with me – the desire and not the object – the adjective and not the noun.

I decided to go to sleep early. At 10:45 pm I was on bed. The music of the daily soaps, running on the television behind my bad, was helping me think better. I was wondering about the directors and the screenwriters of these dramas. They make the actors and actresses say and do the exact things people like to hear and see – that touch their heart – makes them feel rather than think. The music is so composed that the feelings are made stronger – like nicotine that pulls the smoker back to the pleasure of smoking.

I thought, the next day I have to meet my friend. I recalled I had met him some days back and we were making some purchases at a pharmacy. I had found my friend to be very friendly with the store owner so I had asked my friend to ask the owner if there was a medicine that could help me forget some things of past. He had explained to the owner the medicine – he had said we wanted the opposite of the medicines that help in improving memory. The pharmacist had replied in negative. He had said there was nothing like that with him.

There was another man standing beside us, listening to our talk. I remember he suggested us to take alcohol – beer and whiskey precisely. We had a good laugh after that but we also had realized how correct that man was. We had spoken a lot about that later.

While lying on my ‘7 feet by 5 feet’ bed I was wondering about the effects of alcohol on us. I recollected: some days back I had told about this to my dad who has many friends who drink; my dad told me that alcohol definitely makes us forget out painful past but makes us recall those times which we had long forgotten; he gave me many examples of his friends – a one where his friend had told him about a shirt my dad had, green in color which he had liked a lot 40 years ago - his friend was drunk when he said this.

I recollected a party at a farm-house of this friend of my dad; he was heavily drunk that day. I had met him and greeted him. He had asked me how I was doing. I had replied “I am fine”. I remembered how he had responded to this –

He raised his right hand, pointed his index finger across in some direction, and opened his mouth. “You should be…”. I waited for him to finish. He was continuously shaking his hand and his finger. “You should be…”. I was worried, with no reason, but he was drunk. My dad was standing beside him. He knew everything was alright. He knew this was regular. “You should be…”. My heart started pounding. “You should be … extra fine”. What a relief that was. I had discussed this with my dad later that day and till now it remains to be a joke between us.

It was 1:30 am. Lying on my bed, thinking everything I could – how powerful wine could be – from no where came to my mind – “I wish God had not forbidden it”.

My next reaction was “oh my God. What have I said? I don’t mean it. It was unintentional”.

The abstractions do create a geometry. Every thought links to the premise. Nothing is concrete – just abstract – illusion. Deception of mind. Mind game. The player is me and I am myself the game. Yes, I play mind games.

It was unintentional. I asked God for forgiveness immediately. I was still there, not moving, still. Not waiting for sleep to come but waiting for the topic in my thoughts to be changed. I tried not to think what was going in my mind. I had nothing to do with my past. Nothing of the present, nor of the future. It was nothing. Just about what made me say that. The next sentence cleared everything – “Why do you do this to me ..... ?”

A Kind of Unappreciated People

2006-06-06T14:11:00.000-05:00

At times in my life I come across a kind of people and in a blink of an eye I decide I would not like them. Its a simple spontaneous derivation I make out off their first sight and my intuition. Its pretty deliberate and rude; usually making me feel that I have done the right thing by disliking them. I never found an explanation on what makes me develop this scornful attitude toward these people and no matter how much I try I can never get over what I assume at first place. And yes, many times these people in a way have turned out to be sources of harm to me and invariably a pain in my neck. So it works for my good too. But not always.

Now, today I am here to find out what makes me feel such an inhuman sensation. I will write out all the logic I can think of being behind this repulsive submission to an act that seems to be insolent.

It starts with an empty unimportant-looking glance at a person. It is said that every face speaks. It surely does. It does more than just that – it sparks a ‘no’ with a short and obscure ‘n’ and takes the ‘o’ to a length. The ‘no’ is a simple talk by hunch. It sounds meaningless and sordid and is heard only by me.

It could be the face of that person. Or his/her hair. Or anything right from the body language to clothes. Even the person’s voice clicks the instincts if the first glances have failed to. At times the people surrounding that person too play the fuse. And some way or the other after this thing has started I impulsively find a bitterness created in me toward him/her which looks obvious in the way I speak or behave. If by chance, due to compulsions, my instincts do not convert to practicality, the contemn still remains within me though not physically visible.

It can merely be a matter of my tastes, likes and dislikes. It can just be that that the person has confronted me when I am in an unhealthy mood – at the wrong time as it can be said. It could also be the evil in me. Or perhaps its my jealousy that pushes me toward that sort of feeling. (Usually, just usually, we hate people because we infer a jealous stance on them. Then there is an obfuscating difference between hate and dislike that drives some impulses.)

This was about the effects of the first glances. The talk with those ‘special’ persons gives this effect as a continuation or as a start to the pretensions too. I do not like what they say, the way they say, in the tone they say, or in the words they say. Their talk gives an irritation beyond endurance, but still I am compelled to stay calm – I am expected to be calm. Nothing they say appears correct. The words look harsh on ears. Their eyes give soreness in mine. I get an unsavory urge of shouting back with the most ungracious words I can. But I continue with peace – I have my rules.

This can be because of my commitments to several traits I hold. Their talk may find me displeased because I have decided to take it that way. It may be an effect of my decision to dislike that person. It may be because the facts or comments said by that person are true to such an extent that they taste bitter. It can be because I am such an erroneous person that I don’t like to hear good things. I can be because I don’t find that person worthy to teach me – I sometimes feel like asking back who the heck is that guy to preach and tell all that to me. Or I might be a cynic, I may be an obstinate. It may well be the otherwise too – I may be right in doing this.

On some occasions when I find this prejudice not to be a prejudice but something vaguely undefined that has helped me avert a possible harm, all this recreation of possible fallacies comes down to a laughable abstract and only one thing stands out – the ‘me’ who can never be wrong. This has happened and I have felt proud of myself and proud of my intuition. I have thanked God for this presumed knowledge that has helped me. It is of course God who provides such undefined helps.

But when I find this prejudice to be a prejudice and a mistake of my instincts, then I know about the possible breaches in my character and the possible weaknesses I may contain in understanding people. And here I curse myself for committing a foul and destroy any thoughts of the ‘me’ who can never be wrong. What remains is a humble knowledge of my weakness.

Life is not a game that can be played and won – it has to be lived right till the end. If at all there is a victor, it is the ‘we’ who take it to the line and go beyond. If at all there is a loser, it is the life itself that ceases to live when the line is reached. Life ends but we carry on our beings and never end. We are the ultimate and the never-ending. We have been designed that way. Everything else we see and feel will end.

The world is based on assumptions – biased and unbiased. Every fact that comes out is a result of a dim assumption that was made in the first place. We can control the assumptions based on reason, but not the facts that become discoveries. We can control the conclusions to some extents but the reality cannot be altered. All we can do is use the facts and conclusions in a real way, as real as the reality. Getting me? No? What I mean is: have integrity in assumptions and integrity in utilizing the facts and conclusions. This can make or break the whole experiment that can never be lived again. The conclusion is always the eternity.

© 2006 Zubair

2006-06-02T07:14:00.000-05:00

Coming soon... articles on:

Television
Dreams
A Kind of Unappreciated People
The Art of Confessing
My 19 Years

I do not know when, but these topics are what I wish to write on.

Humilis and Purpa

2006-05-27T16:47:00.000-05:00

The darkness of the vast meadows of the north was the last thing one could have ever imagined by looking at the bright orange sun that had just come out from the behind of the distant mountains which were covered with the shiny white snow. It looked as though the life on earth had just begun and the sun had brought to the land a fresh breeze from the vast blooming meadows of the heaven. The high mountains stood below the sun as though they were some blinds that were just pulled down to let the life out. The gentle breeze wandering around was from the same side of the high mountains. It infused the ambience with a voice declaring the birth of a new season. The spring had just arrived.

The sorrow of the harsh winter had left the place for hibernation. Before leaving it had caused to make the land hard with dryness. The dryness was ironic - the frozen surface was covered with snow that would never melt. The ground below the snow had cracked out of lifelessness and the sharp needles of the then hanging flakes of ice on the rough branches of the trees spoke of the cruelty of this sorrow. This very sorrow had stopped all life and was merciless enough even to compel the sun to make the vast countryside look like a narrow gloomy cave.

But the season had changed now and the hardness melted into tears that went down into the deep and dry wounds of the land to sooth it, heal it and nourish it for a new life to begin. The pleasing calmness of the warm sun had started melting the snow and the water began to take form. The land below the white cover had begun feeling the touch of the caring hands of the light rays. The touch made the dry and hidden seeds just under the soil surface realize that their day had come and their long awaited dream will come true now. The seeds had dreamt of a life and this day was the day of their birth.

Very soon the whole openness was covered with greenery. The sun looking down gave an expression of a victory it had just achieved. It seemed to look much brighter and the brightness was because of the sheer joy it felt – the joy of helping the blossoming of life. The whole surrounding was covered with tiny plants that proclaimed the success of the sun. It was obvious they wanted to thank it and they were really getting ready to give the sun a feast as a thanksgiving. They were busy nurturing the tiny buds on their fragile and wet branches. They would very soon have flowers on them. And these astonishingly lovely flowers would treat the sun with a beautiful glimpse of what this thing beauty means. The meadow would very soon become a land spread with a carpet of purple flowers running very far into the end of sight – far into the eternal vastness of the land.

The vastness of the carpet had some unusual broken highs at exactly regular distances. They looked like the sharp lines of the perfection the natural structure of life had to offer. The breaks were there because they had to be there - to make the frame complete. They didn’t mean to distort the smoothness of the waving meadow. They were making the stretch more beautiful – they made the waves rise and fall and the flow looked complete with their presence.

At the top of one such rising wave was the most tender of all the plants there. The tenderness looked apparent from its elfin stem and its grace traveled from the start of its stem at the ground, making every curve of the stem a work of an artful nature, traveling up to its highest peak, seemingly as high as the mountains in the backdrop, and ending in the most shy stanza on earth – Florem Purpa.

Florem Purpa was the most beautiful of all the flowers under the sun. The beauty of its innocent petals, the beauty its soft body, the beauty of its whole surface always fresh with the tiniest of the dew drops on it, the beauty of it gorgeous skin – all these elevated the position of Purpa above the rest of the flowers. Purpa was well known in every direction – as far to the unseen and unknown edges of the vastness. Purpa was respected and liked by every flower and the care was out of love for its beauty and dignity. There was not even a single breath of jealousy, for Purpa was more beautiful from inside – her heart was more beautiful than her slender body and only God knew how pure it was. There was no question about the superiority of Purpa. But her innocence of this superiority made her even more elegant and charmingly splendorous.

The new life was enchanting with every day filled with every color of life. The daily rising of the warm sun that filled more life into the air kept on increasing the charm of Purpa. The fresh breeze from the east would carry her fragrance to the other end of the earth and the other end would cry out of joy for what it had felt in its heart. Her presence made other flowers more fragrant. The more the breeze blew, the more she danced out of joy, the more mesmerizing was the air of her smell. There was no other example of life like her and she was ignorant of this.

Far up across the heights of the boundless the sky lived Cloudae Humilis. Cloudae Humilis was a fair weather cumulus cloud that had grown out of its usual appearance into the most astonishing piece of its genre. There was only one word that could explain this unusual phenomenon – humility. Humility was the description of its heart but the visual appearance it gave out was in extreme contradiction to its inner-self. The other clouds were jealous of it.

Humilis could be called as the rare occasion on which nature looked infinitely-dimensioned. Humilis was the only piece that denied the sky the authority it should possess due of its vastness. Humilis was the jar of solid water that humbled the sun though its appearance was only because of the sun. The background of Humilis was the blue sky – the very sky that was authority-deprived because of its presence. The same blue, the blue color of the open heart of Purpa – and the effect same on this piece too: Humilis denied the authoritative beauty of Purpa to rule the earthly heavens. The three bright colors of Humilis humbled this blue heart.

Humilis floated on its green color – the thin color that gave it flight and motion; that gave soothing power to its speed; that gave strength to its very existence – the green color of Purpa’s stem. The color on its head was crimson – the proclamation of its worth; a crown on its head; the life of its existence – crimson, Purpa’s favorite color. From the centre of these two colors came the color that destroyed the calmness of the sun rays – the yellow color – the same yellow color of the rays that had blushed Purpa.

Humilis came between the sun and Purpa whenever Purpa wanted a shade. Humilis showered cool drops of rain on Purpa whenever she wanted to dance – the rain that made her look more innocent and sensuous. Humilis glowed brighter whenever Purpa wanted to be entertained – the glow was more entertaining than the music of the gushing of waters at a nearby waterfall. Humilis did everything for Purpa and that made Purpa more and more like Purpa.

It was no doubt a unique bonding between a cloud and a flower – a rare phenomenon and a rare beauty. The distance that seemed to be a million miles between them made no difference to the hearts that were no more close than Purpa’s stem’s roots and the soil; no more than the sky and Humilis. Their love was related to the one between God and nature.

Every flower knew about the love between Humilis and Purpa. Their love was taken as an example for the marvels of life. Every cloud in the sky too knew about this – only that they were jealous. The clouds took this love as an example of the foolishness created by irrationals. But Humilis and Purpa never paid attention to this. They didn’t know this was called as love. They only knew that others called it as love. They never cared to name it. They were better off alone in the skies and on the earth. The presence of any life or emotion around them made no difference. They knew nothing but themselves and the unnamed relation between them. They only knew Humilis and Purpa who were made for each other.

Spring passed away and the summer arrived. The warmth of the summer brought them much close as Purpa needed shade and Humilis looked more wonderful with the brighter sun rays entering its mighty solidness. Their love grew with time and they grew with their love.

The peak of summer arrived and started a small pinch of discomforts in their hearts. They didn’t care for it. They cared for each other the most. They didn’t know what their future was, they just knew each other and the bond they had between them. They were least conscious of the change the nature has to undergo as the seasons pass by, they were only conscious of the bond that grew stronger with everyday passing by.

The end of a warm and cozy summer started the autumn. The leaves began to fall and the trees on the other side of the mountains began to change color. The color of the sun and the mountains too changed. There began the seasonal change in the direction of the breeze. This breeze sometimes even turned into wind. More and more leaves began to fall and more and more change began to take place.

The constant change finally made Humilis and Purpa aware of a little more than the existence of theirs’. The leaves below Purpa too began to grow orange. The stem began to turn crisp and the soft cushion under Purpa’s body began to harden. The color shades of Humilis began to darken as the sun rays changed their slanting and effect. Humilis began to lose size and shape. But none of this change could lessen their love. But they realized that the winter was near.

Then one pleasant evening, the evening that started unpleasantness, blew a breeze without any warmth in it. The uneasy temperature of the breeze couldn’t make Purpa dance. The smell of coldness in the breeze dried the blue heart of Purpa. Humilis felt the most of the new light. He shrank further. He sunk into himself. In a very far distance Humilis saw new pieces coming in. Humilis saw the clouds of winter at a fine distance from him. Even Purpa knew that the winter was here.

The distance between the harsh clouds began to become lesser than the distance between Humilis and Purpa. But their hearts were joined – no amount of coldness could harden them or separate them. The sun rays had already lost their brightness and Humilis became dim like a grey lifeless ball of cotton hanging in the sky that would be torn apart and blown away very soon. Purpa was dry with no single point of softness on it. It was as though the quality of softness was taken away from it to be stored in the heavens and preserved as a sample of richness and tenderness. Purpa was waiting for the final wind to blow it off into tiny pieces.

The day of their end arrived and they watched it happen with only one aim in their hearts – to be mixed into each other and left alone under the high mountains, untouched and unseen, until the eternity comes and takes them into the lap of the heavens. Their souls were already united and amalgamated; they only wanted it to be approved by the heavens. Their meaningless material bodies meant nothing to them, their connected spirits were just waiting to be accepted by the heavens.

The snow and the whistling wind were out of their hibernation. Humilis and Purpa were no more. Only the hard and cracked land beneath the snow knew of the two names. Only the sky above the winter clouds knew of their powerful un-dissipated love. Only the mountains knew of the weight and the depth of a single life – the life that was an integration of two souls which lived for each other. The winter was all that was left – as ignorant and innocent of ‘Humilis and Purpa’ as the charm of Purpa. The winter was all that was left – as strong and focused on its objective as the love of ‘Humilis and Purpa’….

…The seasons revolve and again comes the blooming spring; then comes the summer, the autumn; and again the winter. But now all this happens with a difference – every time it happens. Whenever they pass by the earth and every corner of it, they speak about only one thing ‘Humilis and Purpa’.

©2006 Zubair

A Lesson from a Thief

2006-05-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

The other day I fell into a discussion with a friend about a jewelry theft in Hyderabad. To be precise, we were not talking about the theft but the person who had accomplished it - the thief. He must be a real gem of a planner - I was impressed by the way he planned the theft and also the sharp skill with which he pulled it off with a perfect execution of that plan. But while he was setting up the whole game, he might have not given even a bit of thinking to what he was doing – he was in the becoming of a teacher, a masterpiece who’d end up giving me inspiration and a lesson beyond the worth of his own intellect. He gave me a contemporary example of a brilliant pondering we all ought to make. I have learnt an invaluable lesson yet I dislike the teacher.

Jewelry worth more than 60 million Rupees is probably more than just enough for an average person to spend the rest of his life with a 5-star lifestyle. It comes to a little less than 1.5 million USD. But this crazy buffoon didn’t know what to do with the reward of his extravagant victory as a thief. He couldn’t keep the booty with him even for 72 hours. He blasted himself and ended up cooling his heels behind the bars. He became the cause of an end in himself.
The unusual intelligence quotient of this man is pretty evident in the act he has committed. He can be regarded as among those who have a very great sagacity of human psychology and human nature as he could flummox many people until, and even after, he got his job completed. He believed he could do it and he did it.

When we believe – really, really believe - in ourselves that we can accomplish any task we want to, there is no way that we may end up not winning over it. Belief can do more than just moving mountains. It can turn them over or even burry them into the ground to the same depth of their height. Every great event has happened because people believed that it was possible. Victory is in a committed self-belief.

But this is not what that thief teaches. The notion that self-belief can make us do anything desirable is just a useless piece showing off in this incident. The later part of the game, the one played by the cops alongside, is the bigger story and the one with a brighter moral – “Cleaver dogs don’t go after wagons – they do not know what to do with the wagon after they have it.”

The culprit was jammed within 72 hours of his crime. He was caught with another person who was supposedly buying a part of the jewelry from him, that too not in Hyderabad but in Mumbai. This is not fate; this is the end result of two pretensions – the criminal character of that man, and his inability to contain his victory and its reward (though both in a bad taste).

We may get what we want but what is more important is the way we carry our accomplishment. Our gain from a victory can be a launching pad for more such victories to come, but also it can just turn out to be a disaster and destroyer of our life. The prize of hard work and the belief in our-self is always overwhelming when done on a bigger frame, and is a great acknowledgement of the amazing power man in capable of exhibiting. But when he doesn’t know what to do after he has won, his weakness in stability becomes obvious. He holds the responsibility to his decision to go ahead with his quest for victory, and also the reward of that victory. But as long as he lays the foundation of his character on concrete moral values and fundamentals, he can be assured of peace to be at his discretion.

"I don't want to name this"

2006-05-17T14:07:00.000-05:00

“I can well say that I am proud to have you as my friend. But I won’t say that. This may sound …ok … let it sound whatever these innocents want it to … I say ‘I am proud of myself for being your friend’.”

He kept himself as if he had heard nothing. He didn’t even seem to be thinking of the words that have just flown by. He was writing and he continued doing it. She stood there glancing at her hand that was trying to feel something in the air. She knew she would feel nothing but she continued doing it.

Then she raised her other hand and clapped onto the fingers that were still in the air. She felt an un-hurting pain and she was pleased with what she had done - probably unintentionally. But she was happy with it. She smiled at herself imitating his style. She knew his style and she knew he was fully aware of her every word and her every action. She knew that he was aware of the little pain she had just felt. She had, with her clap, broken her glass finger-ring.

“Yes”, he said.

Then he smiled and allowed her to see it and let her know that he wanted her to see it. He had his head half-raised, and was still not looking toward her.

He gently laid the pen on the table above the book and saw to it that the book would help it stay there. He raised his head and continued “There is no point in having your cake and not being able to eat it. You take my advice; forget about the cake and the people looking at the cake. Think about your hunger.”

She stood there all attentive staring at his eye lids. She had that unusual smile on her face. But she had used this smile before while listening to him. She did understand nothing but she knew she would understand more than what others around will till the time he is finished with what he was saying.

He stood up and looked directly into her eyes. She felt he was not looking into her eyes but into her heart. He was reading a book written in her eyes.

“For this world you are not your perception but the perception of those who think about you as special. But other’s insight of your reality should not take you for a ride. Stand by the side of your perception as if it were to be your best friend. Your friend shall tell you what you are and what you must not be. Anybody need not make you feel yourself as a special person with his perception. You are special by yourself and your perception will let you know that. You friend knows a lot about you and will be there with you even when the world stops being with you. Your friend, the perception, loves you.”

He turned to her other friends who didn’t seem to be much interested in their conversation. Then he picked up the book allowing the pen to roll down in his other hand, read something from the book quietly, and sat down and went back to writing.

She still knew about his awareness of her sharp presence there. She knew he was still thinking about her. She went back to stare at her hand and the broken blue glass. By then the sunlight had reached the floor through the stripped windows and was feeling for the soothing blue color in the glass. The largest piece looked like the moon on its third day, and the other pieces like stars scattered around that moon. She was wondering if there was any relation between her two friends – her perception who will stand with her always, and him.

The Right to Free Will

2006-05-10T14:27:00.000-05:00

“But to pronounce moral judgment is an enormous responsibility. To be a judge, one must possess an unimpeachable character; one need not be omniscient or infallible, and it is not an issue of errors or knowledge; one needs an unbreakable integrity, that is the absence of any indulgence in consciousness, willful evil.”

These are lines directly from the essay “How Does One lead a Rational Life in an Irrational Society?” in the book “The Virtue of Selfishness” by Ayn Rand. It may not at first sight present any relation to the right to free will, but it does explain the direct duties a man acquires alongside this right.

The right, of a man, to free will – the right to select a course of action as a means of fulfilling his desires - is a right given to him by the moral law. He is free to choose any set of values and morals for himself and practice them with no threat and interference from any other man. He is also free not to choose anything. No other man can dictate conditions onto him and can in no way control what he decides to choose. It also entitles him from being free of any implications forced onto him by the society or any traditions or any culture. He is given the right to choose his own destiny.

When a man steps into the phase of his adulthood he embarks on a journey into his end and every step he takes thereafter, before this end, is a selection based on his value judgments or most probably some favorable criteria that guides him to logics and conclusions. He selects every thought he may aspire to continue thinking or any action he may commit. Every dot of the line of his life – right from his conscious living to his end – is freely opted by him and the values of these dots he holds. And he is free to perform all this based on the moral law that supports him with the right to free will.

But when he is free to follow his own will, the same law also prescribes onto him the ruling that he, in no way, can interfere with the same right that has been given to his fellow men too. The law binds him to himself and restricts his choices to his own courses of actions. One man cannot claim the moral right to violate the rights of another. Every man here is equated to every other man.

The right to free will is as necessary to a man as the right to live - living under the dictations of any force and without his will is the murder of man’s dignity and pride. But this right fortifies his self-esteem and elevates his personal level to a civilized being by allowing him to access and assess his own value systems and rationally choose anything that pleases him. This right gives man the power over himself to advance his being in any direction he wants.

Coming to values systems, rationality and directions, there is only one logic that materializes the whole right – ethical morals. If a man chooses a value system for himself that guides him into a direction that may destroy him or the use right itself is ill conceived and a show of immature rationality i.e., irrationality, then he is responsible for opting of ethical values destructive to him. When he chooses a course of action for himself he has chosen to be himself and so the consequent gain or loss is prescribed implicitly into his own credit.

Amongst all the creatures that live on this planet it is only the man that has the ability to act in a way that can reflect his survival instinct as a very weak one. Neither plants nor animals do anything that may result in their own destruction but man keeps doing it - just to clear any doubts of his possible mindlessness. He opts on the basis of his right to free will, intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes the courses of actions which turn out to be in his own disadvantage or even his end. (It is only a man who can commit suicide. Plants and animals never do that. If lower levels of self-destruction are considered, smoking can be taken as an example for that.)

So for a rational man, it is expected from him that the choice he makes about the dots of the line of his life to be an upshot of valid reasoning and purpose and not just a free irresponsible practice of his right to free will. He also stands responsible for all the consequences – good or bad – which are a response to his actions. And if he causes to affect others in an undesirable way or interfere with other’s respective rights, then he is entitled to be under the punishable force of the same law – the moral law.

So finally coming back to the lines of Ayn Rand - though they were in a slight deviation of the context as they were said for a good judge of a court of law, they can be found to describe a rational man who has to make reason based choices rather than answering his desires or emotions or whims or fancies or likeability.

Every claim a man stakes on himself is a simple approval of his inherent instincts that may or may not be good for him in a real honest sense, but what he chooses on self-grown and self-sustained reasoning is coherent and gives the definition of his character which again is implicitly self-opted.

My Perception of My Own Life

2006-04-29T06:40:00.000-05:00

When I was pure and had no knowledge about the world I had taken birth into, I knew nothing about life. Then once I saw an egg. It was clean, white, smooth, shining, and beautiful. I took it into my hands and stared and observed it from every possible angle and side. I could easily understand how wonderful it was because it appeared simple. But as I wanted to be a rational person with reason-based thinking and actions, I wanted to know more about it. I pressed it as hard as I could and suddenly it cracked and all the stuff from inside it came out. It was white, transparent and yellow. It was sticky. It was very tough to understand what it really was. The outer part was so simple, but from inside it was complex.

This is how our life is – simple from outside and complex from inside.

The basic step towards understanding my life, the foremost requirement I had, was to be conscious and aware of myself. Consciousness is such an important thing – without it I would not even know that my life is reality and I am really living it. It makes me aware of myself.

I chose to be conscious. I decided to be conscious of what was happening around me and within me. I understood that some things are to be destroyed before they destroy us. I understood that I can be an end in myself. I understood that anyone not being conscious has decided to be irrational and has stopped behaving like a human being. I understood that he has decided to destroy himself.

I wanted to make myself more accountable for everything I do so I thought of having my understanding of myself and my rules defined for once. After serious thoughts I found out that there are three basic factors or premise of my life – religion, people and money. These are in the order of their importance to me and my soul.

God and Religion

Religion has to be unquestionably taken as the foremost need of man. To start with it fulfills the emotional needs of man and helps him gain control of his actions. A religion stands as the control center for his life and gives him the fundamentals for sustaining himself as a responsible human being accountable for his every exploit. Religion separates the civilized from the uncivilized. It raises man as a ‘social animal’ and specifies the objectives of his life along with the ways to attain them. Religion gives the path and also the direction to life.

The direction is not always chosen by man himself. It is forced onto him from his birth; by the community he has taken birth in. Even if the parents he is born to are on the misleading path, he finds no ways to change it.  He has no choice over this, and as long as he ceases to be rational and reasonable, he remains stuck in the same sets of beliefs and ideologies.

Religion as defined by Oxford Reference Dictionary is ‘A belief in and worship of a God or gods’ and, ‘a particular system of faith and worship’. As I have already stated, a man has nothing to do about the community he is born into, I continue it by saying that he has all the rights to correct himself. The foremost step for him is to take and initiative and it is only the right and necessary knowledge that can provide him with that step. And it’s not an easy idea to happen to him.

“Deaf, dumb and blind, they will not return (to the path). [Holy Qur’an 2:18]

“Seeing they see no; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.”
[Matthew 13:13]

“There maybe someone who sees the words and yet indeed do not see them; maybe another one who hears these words but indeed does not hear them.” [Rig-Veda 10:71:4]

Agnostics and atheists are people with no rational reasoning and they shall remain the same way as long as they decide to be. Every human born, has the necessity in his life for religion and he can turn into an agnostic or an atheist only when he has been taught with those misleads. The idea of the two cannot come into the intellect of a normal man unless he has been misled by some other man.

No atheist or agnostic groups have rules or moral codes of ethics for themselves. They may formulate their own concepts but seldom do they succeed with them with comprehensive objectivity or subjectivity. No matter what they believe in, or decide to believe in, they do understand the need for spirituality in their being. But they refuse to accept that it is their human nature embedded into their soul that makes them want that spirituality and consequently a religion. It is the want of religion that makes them ask for spirituality.

It has been proven scientifically that God exists (1). It’s not only the books and people that speak about God but also the science. There isn’t more I need to clear on this as every atheist must belief in science regardless of his implicit beliefs.

And for those who believe in the Darwin’s Theory – I invite them to explain me why it is still a theory. The past couldn’t do it; the present is not attempting to do it; the future won’t do it. Not because it can be unnecessary, but because they can’t do it.

I will move on further taking it for granted that I need not stress more on religion as the basic necessity of man.

Now, the question that arises next may well ask “what religion to be followed?” I leave that reasoning to readers with my trust in their rationality. But I will admonish to everybody that any belief in more than one God is an extreme show of absurdness and illogic understanding of visible facts and truths.

I wonder how one can explain the possible existence of more than one gods. If this is to be possible then I wonder how miserable my life would be as I may just not be able to please all of ‘them’. It’s not about me alone – the entire mankind, if agrees to multiple-gods, will find no peace. The whole idea of more than one gods is foolishness. I am thankful to God that He is ’one’. I can worship only Him and this reduces a lot of possible burden on me.

“If there were in the heavens and the earth, other gods besides Allah, there would have been confusion in both! But glory to Allah, the Lord of the Throne: (High is He) about what they attribute to Him!” [Holy Qur’an 21:22]

“Ekam evaditiyam”
“He is one without a second”
  [Chandogya Upanishad 6:2:1]

“Shama Israelu Adonai Ila Hayno Adna Ikhad”
It is a Hebrew quotation which means
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord”
[The Bible, Deut 6:4]

This being accepted by every Holy Scripture has really helped me with explaining how true the concept of one God is. Verily God is great.

Next: Who is our God? What is our God? What is He after all made of? Where does He come from? Did anyone create Him?

The answer to all these questions is short and precise. It is in fact an answer from God Himself.

The most concise definition of God says it all:

“Say: He is Allah, the one and only.”
“Allah, the eternal, absolute.”
“He begets not, nor is He begotten.”
“And there is none like unto Him”
[Holy Qur’an 112:1-4]

I take God as my only sustainer. I put Him above myself and above my parents. It is He who has given me the rules to live on and the Holy Qur’an is the book He has prescribed for me. Every act I commit, I try to keep it in accordance to this book and this makes me a responsible human. No matter where I go and what I do, I know what I belong to and what I am supposed have my foundation as. Any further rules I create for myself comply with those specified in this book and I intend never to break or bend them.

My God has taught me that the second, third and fourth priority of my life is my mother. The first being God himself; the next, fifth, is my father. Immediately I would like to get back to the point where I was discussing about the necessity of religion – my religion has asked me to have my mother on the top of the list; animals have no religion and so for those creatures, their mothers mean just a source of food and security till they are on their own. If religion had had not asked us to love our parents, we would have been similar in nature to these animals.

God is always with me – no matter what I do, and where I go. There is something, a quote, I remember reading sometime back – “It’s only when you turn towards God that you realize that He is already looking at you”.

In the Holy Qur’an, God has promised man for many rewards based on his conduct in his life. But as we all are slaves of His, we find no right to question what He does. He is our Lord, our Creator, and everything He does is His will and we are not supposed to question that in any form. He is free to keep those promises or do whatever He wants with them. But he is God, and God is God only when He remains committed to His promises. Subsequently, there is no question of showing concerns on what He has said. He is the final authority and what He says or has said is final.

Having said all this, there is one more point I would like to make – Belief is faith in action. So what I say is what I am supposed or expected to do, and that is the motivating factor of my life that propels me forward into the experience called life.

So, I highlight this once again – my source of energy is my God and everything I do and decide to do is in extreme inclinations to what my God has asked me for. I shall put everything I can in everyway feasible to keep myself surrendered to His will and be steadfast to the fundamentals. And every rule I plan for myself shall be based on these fundamentals. I repeat this again - every rule I plan for myself shall be based on these fundamentals.

People and Relationships

I must live for my own sake, neither sacrificing myself to others nor sacrificing others to myself; I must work for my rational self-interest, with the achievement of my own happiness as the highest moral purpose of my life. (2)

Yes I am selfish. By definition this means that I am more concerned with the things of my own interest. My selfishness can be stated as good or bad only on the basis of the goodness or badness of these things of my interest. These things are dependent on the values I have decided for myself and they are subsequently based on the goodness of these values. And these values are the productions of the moral code of ethics I have designed for myself in realization to the best of my rationality.

‘My things of interest’ – this can be a comprehensive and in-depth definition of the character I possess and the person I am. These things are objects for me and I have always tried to enumerate the codes of morality for these objects - guided by the rational thinking I may profoundly believe in, and the understandings and things that value to me. These things have been chosen by me based on my value judgments and my needs. My goals have come from my desires and desires from my selfishness. Henceforth, these things are a ramification and definition of my selfishness.

In the present context I am writing on, these things are people. People are objects for me and each of them for me has a code of morality based on my values. People here are things of interest to me and my selfishness revolves around them. The values I have chosen specify the priority I am going to give to these people.

I shall explain my selfishness with people starting with an example. I meet a person and I like a few things inside him. He immediately becomes a reflection of my values and I decide to be his friend. (It can also happen that he or I have helped each other in someway and we have become friends then depending on the ‘compatibility’.) I immediately define a code for him and he becomes an object for me. He is a thing of interest to me. As I am selfish I will do anything to be happy and my happiness lies in his. So consequently, I will do anything to keep him happy. His happiness is my goal and so is mine to me.

My selfishness states to me that: in no way am I going to hurt him because that will in return hurt me; I will always do things he likes so that he likes me in turn; I will always be good to him so that he too is good toward me. Now when it comes to helping him, what I do for him is not a help I am rendering to him but a help to myself. I will do the necessary to set things right for him so that I am happy. When it comes to sacrificing something from my side, it won’t be any form of sacrifice to my money or my own life – what I will do will simply be a show of my selfish so that I remain happy, and I am happy only when he is happy. When I am crossing a street with him, he is but just a code to me of a value I possess. So should anything happen to him, I shall get him through only because if I don’t do that I may end up hurting myself.

If I do something for him because I find it as his need, then I am not having integrity in my relationship with him. What I do for him should be directly for my personal happiness and benefit – free from all guilt and unknown nervousness.

Selfishness for me makes me live for myself: I live for the things of my interest. There are of the highest concern to me and I control the kind of concern I should have for them by myself.

People, after my religion, are of highest importance to me. I value each and every person I have in my life and each of them is a thing of interest to me. Any disturbance to their happiness is surely going to disturb my happiness. So I will do anything to please them, to make them happy, to keep them satisfied with their lives, and to let them practice their own free will. All this I do is for me directly. All this is defined as selfishness for me.

I am an object t myself – I won’t hurt myself, I won’t sacrifice myself for others (anything I do – even giving my life for my loved one – is for my own happiness and self-interest), I won’t destroy myself – I will do anything to keep myself happy. I have codes of morality for myself and they are again based on the values I have selected for myself in accordance with my rational thinking and religion.

My rational thinking also defines love for me. The foremost belief I substantiate is that love is an open word used to describe many abstractions and because of it’s openness it has been misinterpreted in various ways. Apart from love for God, I believe in only two other of its forms – love for those who are directly related (family) to us, and love for those who have nothing to do with the family we belong to.

There isn’t much to tell on the love for our relatives as there are no reservations and misgivings in it. But the second form – the love for ones with whom we have created self-defined relationships – is something to ponder about. My constructs for this love are: it is a complex obsession we have with the person and also the relationship we share, this obsession can be killed if necessary by rational and reasonable thinking if the circumstances do not permit us to continue with it, both persons need not feel the equal for each other, there is no real love if there is no integrity (if things like sacrifice and helping are involved) and implied selfishness, and finally it is just a state of mind based on the values again.

A man’s need, more than being loved, is to love someone. I may somehow manage myself to be fine if I am not loved by someone, but I may not remain happy if I am stopped from loving someone. As I have said that people are my need, it is only a validation of the fact that ‘to love’ is my need.

I believe that every person dead, alive or yet to be born, was, is and will be as important as the survival of the whole of mankind itself and is necessary for the existence of this world. Every life is precious and no other human has a right to take it away from him. Right to ones life is a birth right given to him and only him and no one can take it away from him. A man is free to practice his own will with the values he chooses and accepts them as his codes of morality. His society has no right over what he decides to choose and he himself is in ownership of the choices he has made. And this also implies that he is in full responsibility of his choice and every action he commits holds the right to ask him back for his commitment. Man’s actions are again a direct consequence of his values.

Every man should be respected and so his thoughts and ideas. Rejecting a person’s ideas is like stepping hard on his dignity, and this is a crime. Freedom of speech is a straight forward right a man is provided with and this must continue as long as he respects others and behaves only rationally and not absurdly.

So in all this framework I proudly say that I love my parents, my relatives, all my friends, my acquaintances and every person I meet in my life – also including those who just happen to pass by me when I am walking on a street. I should respect them and have them always as my top priorities and things of my interest. May be the words things and objects sound harsh, but they give me exact explanations for the finality I mean to convey.

Money and Power

Money can buy food but not appetite. Money can buy medicine but not health. Money can buy a bed but not sleep. Money can buy books but not knowledge. The list can be exhaustive.

If you are hungry, it is only money that can buy you food. If you are ill, it is only money that can buy you medicines. If you want to sleep, it is only money that can buy you a bed. If you want knowledge, it is only money that can buy you books. This list is not just exhaustive but also wise and honestly violent to the extent that it may describe the materialistic necessities of a man in his life. This list is naked and frank with the harshness I have always tried to understand.

If someone says money can’t buy happiness, let me say that they do not know how and where to shop for it. If someone says money can’t buy love, let me say that money gives a better bargain (3).

It is also said that those with lots of money are not happy. Well, I have personally met many of those kinds of people with lots of money but I don’t find them to be unhappy. If anyone thinks that money creates family problems, then may I ask them if there are no such problems in the families of the poor? In fact I find more problems threatening them.

There are several quotes available in the ‘market’ that try to defame money in general and the people with money in particular. But if the knowledge about the formulators of these quotes is acquired, it can be understood that these were people who had very less money and were just trying to pacify themselves by justifying their inabilities to have money with them. Now it is of not much concern to me if they were aware of what they were doing or not, but what matters to me is that I don’t want to end up being included into their mindless fraternity.

I understand the importance of money and I respect money and people who have money. But that doesn’t mean that I have less respects for those who don’t have it, it’s just that I have equal regards for them.

Though I do understand that money is not everything, I do understand much better that money is something, a lot more than just something. The importance of money can neither be understood by those who have it nor by those who don’t, but can only be understood by those who know what loss it can do if they don’t have it.

Having the knowledge that money means a lot to me, I trust the ways I have found for myself to be rational for me to get that money. I put money as a thing of my interest and the way I acquire should no doubt be a method of my interest too. I am in contradiction to any logic that states that I should work the way my society wants me and allows me to. It is a birth right for me to practice my free will and find my own ways to acquire it – of course rational and responsible.

I do not believe in having any form of careers in life and I also do not believe in preparing myself for the industry or the market. I am of the understanding that the industry and the market behave that way I perceive them to. All I need to do is tune myself to the hidden rules of business that are conducive in the formulation of new markets. Creation of new markets is the most logical and rational way of furthering life towards financial success. Rubbing ourselves against the existing feasibilities should just be the start of ones being in the market. The rest following this should be on my own and not on the career that may be enforced onto me.

I have found many people longing for jobs in multinational companies and it is not just simply a longing they have but a supreme goal of their life after the end of their education. The first mistake is that they pretend to end their education and the second is that they chose a career. The end of education they accept is an end to their growth. They may continue to learn newer technologies but they have here created a shell around them that stops them to expand in any other way but just the one in which have specialized in. They chose to build a career and that again is an incarceration of their abilities and values. They cannot grow out of their career.

I am of the opinion that there should be no such thing as a career in a rational man’s life if he desires true success to be his. He must be ready to forge himself into any direction and be prepared not just for the changes happening explicitly but also be ready to make explicit changes happen by himself. I believe in the creation of pipelines for the flow of money towards me by having multiple sources. A career limits this kind of possibility as it limits any scope beyond the specialization. Of course a start is always made with a single source and that may in some ways look like a career. But this has to change as soon as self-sustenance is met.

When I talk about markets, I believe in the capitalistic ideology and free markets. Any government has no right to regulate or control or restrict the growth of a business organization. Freedom is a term applicable not just for men but also for what they do, and any friction induced by any government is a crime against capitalism and man himself.

I believe in industrialization, modernization and globalization. For those who believe that these cramp the poor sections, let me explain the truth about it. Contrary to the understanding that introduction of machines reduces the need for labor, it is the introduction of machines that creates a need for extra labor. But here the labor required is not unskilled but skilled. So it is just a progress man has made that makes unskilled futile for the society.

When man created fire – he never ended; when man constructed a house out of stone – he never ended; when man invented the wheel – he never ended; when man used steel for building – he never ended. When man had no skill to make fire, he was unskilled; when he didn’t know the use of steel, he was unskilled. But he understood that it was necessary for him to learn the skill so that he could progress his life. When man started using a spoon to eat food, did anybody tell that is makes the hand useless and that the spoon should not be used? No, but instead, he learnt how to use the spoon with his own hands. Man has to come out of stagnation and learn to become skilled. It is similar to the survival of the fittest. If anyone thought how much loss of human labor the introduction of electronic computers could create, they can now see how much labor computers themselves have created; but for only the skilled labor.

Globalization asks for skills and helps only the deserving to make progress. If one thinks that it is a bane then it is logically obvious that he is stagnating himself. Plants grow to the size of a tree and once they have fully grown they stop developing and begin to die. Animals grow to there age of full development and stop learning how to survive; their end begins from here. But man has been provided with a mind to think and to reason. He is expected to be rational and logical with his values as the motivations for him. A man has to continue to grow. When he thinks he can’t move further, from there starts his end. As rightly said by Ayn Rand – A man is an end in himself. No one can destroy him nor can he destroy anyone. He is his own source of destruction (4).

Continuing further with money and power, I assume that power and money are materialisms of the same type in different forms. They are almost one and the same with the exception of the differences in their visibilities. It can simply be found that power creates money and money creates. Now it may not be the same always but it’s the taste of men that makes the two look the way they are. It is more of personal perceptions, and I perceive the two as the same materialisms.

Man has always loved heights – from where he can see all his fellow humans under him. He always wanted to be above others and never under anyone. Those who work below anyone are considered losers or at least the ones with less power and subsequently less money. All this continues to be the same and will continue to be in the future too. I believe that there is only one thing that puts a man above the other and that is more or less his thinking. This thinking may have some levels that determine man’s own personal level and standard in life.

Here I would also like to mention about the equality of right as I have already activated the topic of levels. There can be only one ground where rights may not be equal – the ground of sexes. Yes, men and women cannot have equal rights. But this never puts one above or below the other. It only means men and women have unequal rights in equal weightages. This is again a whole new topic and most of it is pointless to discuss as religion provides better explanations and understandings on it.

So finally I would like to state that maximum of the commitments we are making with education, jobs and similar facades, there is directly or indirectly only one purpose – to get money or/and power – the reason for this purpose can be man’s nature of some other need that may include people.

After having described my perceptions on these three I would like to make it clear that these are just the basic premise and apart from them there are few more like – humor, entertainment, food, style, fashion and several others that may be profoundly programmed (5) by ourselves.

Every time I do or say something I just ask one thing to myself – Am I correct? Am I deceiving myself? Am I on the wrong path? Is what I believe rational? I continue this by praying to my God that I find peace with myself by being glued to truths I have to live for. Every moment I spend in this world is but an execution of my moral ethical codes and I want them to pure and reasonable. I won’t forgive myself if I learn and teach anything that may destroy me.

My perception of my life belongs to me and is in no relation to what others perceive for themselves. The ideas may coincide but mine are independent of others and shall be effected only when I find them to be illogical or in any unintentional way, not in concord with my religion.

Notes:

(1) http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=god+exists  I sincerely hope that what ever       you find here will help you believe that God exists.
(2) As quoted by Ayn Rand
(3) Yes, I believe that though money can’t buy love, it can give a better bargain. I find it needless to write on some topics because that may just turn out to be shameless shots on the professionalism I am trying to present here. It is my perception though. And yes, it is just a quote I have read somewhere.
(4) These are not the exact words used by Ayn Rand. I just wanted to mention it here for explaining my points.
(5) I believe that we are responsible for everything we show, including our styles and fashions. It is taste we have opted for and we have a right to do it that way. But if needed this taste can well be changed i.e., programmed.

I would sincerely like to thank two people particularly – Dr. Zakir Naik and Ms. Ayn Rand. Mr. Naik because I did refer to some articles and books written by him, while writing on religion and also previously. Ms. Rand because I have learned a lot from what all I have read in her books – “The Fountainhead” and “The Virtue of Selfishness”. Though I haven’t read these books completely, I was fine enough to write a few things I have observed. I never mean to copy anything; I just found the right words from these books to describe my own ideologies.

And of course, the Book that guides me – The Holy Qur’an. I can’t even describe what all I have learnt from this Book. I thank Allah for giving this Book to the mankind.

Perfection and Self-Transformation: How Does it Work?

2006-04-06T15:56:00.000-05:00

If you are not perfect and if you like hearing something like - “Perfection is such a costly idea well beyond the reach of the average human’s capacity and beyond every realistic sensation he can consume and stay stable”, then watch out I am coming after you.

I call this cost inflated, and every notion talking against the belief that flawlessness is not attainable, is speaking my language. It is but a myth that being perfect is impractical and has more of theory than reality. Now, keep this design aside. Let me say “it takes more than a lifetime to get in touch with absolute perfection”. I obviously understand this statement is clearly in contradiction to the above said bunch of just-sown-seeds. Allow me to take an indirect approach to what I intend to simplify, explain and elucidate to anyone who has ridiculed the initiative of being sagaciously realistic perfect with a dash of optimistic and heartily committed flexibility toward the life-picture surrounding his mental freedom.

As long as we know that whatever we know is the absolute truth and that there is no corollary beyond that belief’s working and energy, we are happy and satisfied for what we have known seems to be final. But the moment the next lungful of air says that there is more to it and we are ignorant of the incredibly forsaken facts and the real savoir faire, the peace of mind is destabilized and the uncomfortable desire to know the final is born. Not every person sees this kind of a psychological imbalance but those who like being satisfied and free of possible guilt do. The knowledge of being ignorant is fine but when someone says “I know that I do not know something”, the real fight begins.

And one such cognition we can nurture in our splendidly power-packed minds is that we can transform ourselves into whatever shape we want almost instinctively and in a blink. Here again I go in contrast to what many of us like to hear. When things like “I am happy whatever way I do things”, “why should I change myself?”, “Even if I want to change, I know it’s not easy and I won’t waste my time after it?” are said, all ears are caught attentive because these words sound sweet, and they directly touch our hearts. But the truth is that they simply put forth our mediocre nature openly. We all like being safe and love to see our lives in a ship encountering no rough seas.

When we honestly realize our need to become different from what we are, we create a new kind of energy inside our minds and this energy destabilizes our soul. It generates a new form of waves that immediately substantiate a root level change in the thinking area of our soul. This destabilization is for good because as long as it is there and it is growing we seek newer ways to fight it and reduce it, ultimately finding the right paths to take ourselves nearer to where we want to be. A change in our life is begotten only when this destabilization is encouraged and this in turn can happen when honest realizations are made.

A simple decision is all it takes - a very powerful and determined decision with cent-per-cent commitment. A resolution to mould our self into a new being, the way we want to be is required. Once decided half the work is done. But it’s not at all easy to get committed. For getting committed, inspiration and motivation are required and these are obtained only when success and progress in life are desired. And success and progress are desired only when endless satisfaction accompanied with happiness is sought. And of course for all this it is destabilization that helps – the call for more in life.

Once decided then comes the next step of becoming rigid and flexible to the present and real situations. This is because the change we ask for should be compatible with what exists in real life already. Becoming flexible includes accepting changes around us and not only around us but within us too. When the idea of changing is thought, it should never be taken that it is the other person who has to change to the situation, it should clearly be understood that change is mutual and change begets change.

Then is the process of learning self-existence and finding the area of self-existence. This is necessary and it makes us aware of the faults we have inside us – even the faults we ourselves are not au fait with. This takes a lot of effort on being honest and confident of our knowledge of ourselves. Critiquing ourselves, smiling at our own mistakes, admitting faults and allowing others to speak about us frankly helps us with this process and is as necessary as the whole mental work.

Once we know what we are and what we do, it can’t get more obvious that we need to work on the information we have obtained. The effort in correcting the mistakes is again lot dependent on the rigidity we can show in changing ourselves and all this is a state of mind and subsequently depends on the commitment we show towards the decision we have already made.

The above two steps can give enormous pleasure as the art of self-discovery is learnt and the growth of knowledge on our own behavior is very interesting. Constructive self- criticism is fascinating as it creates a world of enrichment of our soul. Once we are done with this, we are almost done with the change we want. If we still don’t see in us what we wanted to then it must only be that we have not made the right decisions at the initial point itself and there must be no doubt about that. Blaming others for not being able to help ourselves is just a blatant show of adolescent nature even grown-ups make.

It all starts with a choice we make. This choice is like a seed which grows into a big tree and gives fruits. It takes years and lots of nurturing and care. But we being humans always are different than any other creature that exists. Unlike the way we can’t change the tree that has already grown (science is advanced enough to induce required characteristics in the seeds and small plants but not in big trees), we definitely can change ourselves into whatever we desire to. It’s not a perspective you or I have, it’s just a state of mind and an effective decision made.

We all like to have a good image and want to make other people like us. But that requires a reason to make others like us. We need to become what others like without losing our own identity. It’s just in meeting people where they are. When we talk to small children we use simple language and even our tone of voice turns childish. It doesn’t means that we have become a child – we are just meeting that kid at a place where it is. When we talk to our equals, the same can be done. Of course ego has to be beaten here and again a decision is all it takes. It never means falling to a lower level from where we stand, it just means making that person comfortable or making him believe that he is or equal (if not above us).

Things change with time and history is evident of this fact. There were evolutions and revolutions but what made marks in the past 200 years are the revolutions because they have really made a difference to the way people live and die. The differences were socio-political and also in personal lives of people including their relationships with others. It might have taken decades to have these changes made of course and we can’t be patient enough to wait for all that to happen with time. We have to work out our lives for ourselves and keep moving spreading light rather than seeking light.

Revolutionalizing our lives is the need of the hour and again it is the decisions we take that make all the difference. We can’t wait for a life time to happen for ourselves to become perfect, all we have to do is to make many lifetimes happen in our single lifetime. It is all we have, a lot less than a century of life. And we live it cursing others for not being the way we want them to be, blaming others for what we couldn’t become or do in our lives. It’s so simple and easy to do all that. No one likes to take the burden of himself or herself, forget others. And we find clever ways of disdaining our true potential of being absolute perfects.

May be perfection is really not for humans. Why do we have that word then? To describe God? Well I don’t think so. The word ‘perfection’ exists so that we can achieve it and adore it; to strive for it and command it.

All this may well look philosophical and impractical, but as I have once written before, “it is for a man to convert theory into practice”. I won’t really override it here but I’d just add a few more words to it and say, “it is definitely only for a man of mental strength to convert logical and objectivistic theory into practice, and the one who does it, even a bit of it correctly, is perfect and has attained discipline and control in his life. If he has succeeded in getting along all this in combination with his religious fundamentals, then he is truly a man of marvel – a heroic being.”

For the above combination I have once used the word synergy. It means the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

I hope the message I had planned is conveyed!

© 2006 Zubair

Eccentric Translations

2006-03-30T11:54:00.000-06:00

I thought of having my ego inflated today, much in lines with my inclination towards objectivism and epistemological concepts. It was fine until I gave in to a meek surrender to the sharp edge of the frivolous worry of being mocked at. I expected an enlightening burst but it was rather a slow venting out of the charged matter, a ramification, of my throttling delusions. I was back to square-one again.

I guess I misunderstood myself and thought myself of being good and worthy enough to be called as a grown up and a matured; no idea if 19 years are enough to make me a rational human being. I have been trying to get maturity into my sub-consciousness to make it spontaneously wise and obnoxiously impressive – objectivism you see. I have often won over these cheeky attempts to beget a grown-up look but what confuses me is the reason I should fake maturity. Some like to be kids all though the growing process and never want to grow up so I question my loosely knit wisdom if this can ever be worth sacrificing the reality I can live in.

And yeah, the definition of maturity - the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed. Interesting isn’t it? No mention of the mental and emotional development. And whenever I talk about life, love and future, there is always someone out there to say “you are not mature enough to talk this dude”. It’s high time then that we define what exactly becoming mature and grown up means.

(So all you mature aunts and uncles, you’ve got some serious work to do to help out your juniors. Your so called mature comments shall be appreciated.)

Actually here is a problem with some uncanny and illogical translation in what the message conveys. There are several instances of this kind and the level of misunderstanding is enormous. Let me work around a few of them.

Some times I am considered a threat by some very wise people who can’t show a little understanding and care towards immature guys like me. I wonder what makes them believe that I intend to harm them or confuse them. They don’t know how sensitive I become at times. A few days back I saw a barbaric act by a mosquito digging into my skin and sucking blood shamelessly. I did nothing. It was just trying to quench it’s bloody thirst – it was filling it’s stomach just to continue living. I couldn’t even shoo it away for if I had done it, I would have felt guilty for it later.

Some people even don’t show wisdom in saying ‘no’ to me. They don’t even have the simple etiquettes to answer a phone call. They can’t understand I just wanted to talk and was in no way asking for any commitment. Or was it just another misunderstanding – a wrong translation of my intention in action?

May be we all are different people but that’s what this whole story is all about. Being different is the key to progress. How can we expect similarities to explain diversified living habits and choices? Differences are for celebrating and not for proclaiming.

Lately I got interested in being objectivistic and ruthless. Studying epistemology, metaphysics, politics, ethics, and aesthetics was really absorbing giving me a high form of satisfaction. I want to create a synergy with objectivism and religion how pretty aware of the objections and verbal abuses I may be bombarded with. But how can I explain that this is how the things work? I mean I have a full right over what I believe as long as I m under the shadow of my faith in God almighty. And I want to show my faith because faith is belief in action. There are bound to be many misunderstandings – wrong translations for that matter.

All these wrong translations put forth only one valid explanatory reason. It is the human nature to speculate and assume facts much of it may not at all be truth. These assumptions have helped scientists achieve great knowledge on the workings of complex systems but the speculatory assumption I have a grudge against, are the ones that cannot explain the complex human natures.

People should understand that there are things beyond what they think can exist. Their thinking has been blinded by the mediocrity they have been seeing in their past lives. Credentials on the wall never make us a good person. Goodness in understanding others makes us good.

As I have already mentioned in one of my old postings (A Story – Distract and Cheat), I again stress its meaning at depth. I had said "The more pure a feeling gets the more unrequited and unbelievable it becomes. It is often ridiculed too. There is no room for purity beyond a particular limit. And I call this limit as life. You understand this sort of limpidness, and you understand life. But I do pray for you that you never have a tryst with this wholesomeness. It takes away "life" from you." Now I will not explain what this really means, all I will say is that this is all I mean.

Please don’t commit a misunderstanding again. It will just be a repetition of an eccentric translation.

© 2006 ZUBAIR

Mr. Bush's Business Trip to India

2006-03-05T13:12:00.000-06:00

Mr. Bush’s Business Trip to India

It was India Shining and now, it’s Incredible India; no doubt why the world’s largest democracy, India Inc., is said to be rolling. A country with a population of more than a billion, pompously boasting of an economic growth of 8.1%, is very well a vivid explanation of the reasons why India Inc. is important to the world in both economic and military facades. And no doubt why, the President of The United States of America, Mr. George W Bush, was too keen on his visit to this Indian sub – continent.

Mr. George W Bush is the fifth US President to visit India. The first presidential visit was that of Dwight D Eisenhower in 1959 when he spent four days in the country on his 11-nation tour. Then came Mr. Richard M Nixon in 1969 followed by Mr. Jimmy Carter in 1978. After that, it was Mr. Bill Clinton who brought the Indo-US ties closer. Mr. Bush has taken it forward.

As big deals were already presumed, the ones that made news have created history.

In the coming years 14 nuclear facilities would be designed for civilian purposes and 8 for military – including the state of art fast breeders currently being developed for higher efficiency in the enrichment of fissile material. The interesting point being the absence of IAEA safeguards for the military ones. India would also be supplied with fuel for the above. Here, Mr. Bush has over ruled his advisors who insisted on a longer list of civilian nuclear reactors.

And for all this, the president will press the Congress back home to approve the changes necessary in the laws to make them India – friendly. Alongside the US laws, the IAEA will also be pushed forward to tune it’s setups in favor of India, regardless of the fact that this might well be in opposition to the Non – Proliferation Treaty which India has not signed. Mr. Bush is out to bend the NTP by providing India with the knowledge of nuclear weapon technology. This is in hostility to the NTP that prevents the flow of the nuclear know-how out of the sacred 5 permanent members of the United Nations.

Apart from the nuclear deal, the economic transactions discussed were imperative enough to give the much awaited boom to the Indo – US relationship. The bilateral trade will be pushed to $50 billion decided as a three year target. The promise of many more million dollars to be pumped into the Indian agricultural industry is another fact that elucidated the depth of the bilateral interaction the two countries have made. The declared smooth functioning of the outsourcing business is just an icing on the cake. These among several others are the decisions made on the mutual understanding and futuristic co-operation between the two democracies.

As the world behaves on the principle of reasoning, we all are expected to know why the United States of America is being too kind to a third world common wealth country, India. It is necessary that we are au fait with the gains America plans to make with the above said dealings that profoundly show gains to the Indian economy.

There are 300 million middle class people in India, as large as the American population, who like to wear Levis jeans, aspire to own a Ford car, and frequent McDonalds and Pizza Hut outlets. Consumers like Sharille Rodrigues, 20, a call-center employee at 24/7 Customer in Bangalore, are at the heart of that growth. Rodrigues, who has provided technical support for a U.S. company for the past two years, said she loves Mars chocolate, drinks a lot of Pepsi, frequents KFC with friends, uses L'Oreal shampoo, and wears Revlon and Maybelline makeup and Nike shoes. She says she enjoys shopping with her Citibank credit card.

Does she buy Indian brands? Rodrigues pauses and then confesses, "Actually, no, not that many."

The US president has asked India to liberalize more rapidly especially in the fast-growing services such as banking, insurance and retail. The finance minister has been told to remove the FDI cap that acts as a friction to the American companies so that these fully profit-based organizations can grab a hold of the Indian consumer – good domestic markets. These companies will make sure that they get a good share of pie for themselves and will surely push the Congress toward amending the legislation in India’s favor. America wants to gain from this 300 million strong middle class Indian market.

It’s now more than 30 years since US scientists have built a nuclear power plant and they have huge quantities of fuel to sell. It’s obvious what they might plan to gain from the nuclear deals. Then there are those American companies ready to sell weapons and fighter jets to India to seize a chunk of the 89,000 crore rupee Indian defense budget.
No question about the money they intend to make if the two countries get closer.

The 900 men accompanying the US president to India comprised a big number of Business Associates willing to invest billions in India to make billions in return. The board members of ISB, Hyderabad consists of the billionaire fraternity of India and no doubt why Mr. Bush gave a visit to that place.

In addition from all the money benefits US makes in India, it gets a powerful friend in the Asian continent having two permanent members of UN – Russia and China. India becomes an American strong-hold in military terms and economic aspects. It will also force India hard to vote against Iran to prevent it from perusing their nuclear ambitions. India’s geographic closeness to Afghanistan and Pakistan too benefits the US.

So amidst all that that goes on in the news, it’s eventually the United States of America that’s going to make the most of Mr. Bush’s visit to India. The political and economic gains hand in hand with the military ones, makes it clear beyond any doubt the intelligent and monopolizing goals of Mr. Bush and the government of United States. So it can well be said that Mr. Bush was on a business trip to the Indian sub – continent than anything else.

© 2006 ZUBAIR

My Humble Prayer to My God

2006-03-02T13:54:00.000-06:00

Will You be pleased if I make my prayer start with words in your praise? I really, really would like to have that kind of a start to everything I do but what stumps is the quest to give out the exalted words to help me express the passion I develop in my surrendered heart to convey my sincere praise to You. I know no matter how much I admire You, I won’t be able to be articulate enough to show You how much I mean those words I may utter. No matter how much I praise you, even if that means spending my whole lifetime just to extol You, it just won’t be enough. I don’t know what to do. I seek Your forgiveness for not being able to give you the praise You deserve.

I ask for Your mercy and forgiveness of every deed I, had and, am doing which might even be a small inch off the track on which You want me to crawl on. Every time I commit a blunder, every time I affirm falsehood, every time I elude compulsions on purpose, I know I am wrong. My heart cries out in the sorrow it reveals to the rest of my converging soul that desires only one act of Yours that will turn by grief into everlasting relief of being forgiven and the blessing of never coming back to it again. My longing to be pure again, as pure as I was when I opened my innocent eyes in this air of corrupted fog though which I saw only evil, asks You to have deliberate generosity in throwing a tiny grain of compassion into my tainted soul that has been rubbed against the filth of satanic pits.

I know I am probably the worst of all the creatures taken onto this land, but I also lucidly believe that You have all the might to make me the best of them. I seek Your forgiveness my merciful Creator, and its only You who commands over the rays of peace I can feel with tenderness on my velvet heart. Forgive me my Lord, I sob and sob and sob.

You listen to everything I utter, even the words I can’t hear. I wish I never had to ask You, but You are all I have. There is only one God and it’s only You. Where do I go and what can I do? I am the cause of my pain and I am the grief, I have created trouble and I am the sufferer, I am the game and I am the player. But You, my King, You are my Creator.

I have committed crimes so large I sense embracement to show my face to You. But its not with me to hide it either, You can see what I can’t – I can’t see my own face, I need a mirror. My faith in You shows the mirror in which I can see my sins. And when I see them, I see blood in my eyes; I realize I deserve hell everywhere. But what do I do, I don’t want hell? You are all I have and I plead You to make that image clear for me. My Lord, You are all I have.

You have been too kind to me, given me everything I had asked for, blessed me with anything I could have ever thought of. You have supplied to me every wealth necessary for happiness and You have given me the love I cant answer. You have been with me always, even when I was not with myself. You were there with me in the dark coasts of the dark seas I walked upon when I saw my heart howl in self-hatred. And even now Your are here with me, helping me behave like myself.

How do I thank you for all this? I can praise you umpteen number of times, I can repeat the thanking words innumerable times, I can cry all though my life just to thank you. But will that be enough? If that really was enough then I’d rather be committing a crime again – just because I think its enough.

I have dreams my God; wishes to be fulfilled and desires to be satisfied. I beg a shower of blessing from You, the one that provides a never ending respite on the barren field of my cracked spirit desolated and left wounded. I know what I ask for is unreasonable, too much for a human to have and too much for a life to live. But my Sustainer, it’s too less for You to consecrate it to me.

Because of the foolishness I commit, I have stains on my heart that tell me that I have got no right to ask You for anything. I am told by my weeping conscience that I am not supposed to request You for anything more. But what do I do then, and to whom should I ask? You are all I have my God, You are all I have.

I turn to You with nothing in my trembling hands. I spread them in front of you. I pray to You. It’s your wish and fancy to accept me and my prayers. This is all I can say. I know I am nobody in comparison to what You are, but I know You have created me and I worship You. I surrender myself to You. May be I am of no use but I beseech that You favor me and fill me with Your shine.

Your glory is unmistakably of the highest rank and the place You stand is beyond my sight. I just feel you inside me and this is enough for me to have faith in You and Your supremacy. No form of life can perturb me or change my path towards You. All this is just because of only one undoubted reason – I have been blessed by You.

I should turn to You as long as You give me the strength. When I am strength-less, my heart will turn to You. My life, my prayer is all for You and because of You. You are my God an I pray to You.

At the Sub - Conscious Level

2006-02-12T20:57:00.000-06:00

Daily you go home in the evening and listen your favorite song several times and continue doing this for several days. Then one fine day you don’t get to listen due to power failure. What do you do? You start humming that song to yourself and you are not even aware of what it is that makes you do it.

Far across the street you find your beloved one and you smile. Though that person is very far from you, you start smiling and also try to keep your head down not allowing him to see the gleam on your lips. The same happens to the other person too. What makes this happen?

You are driving your car and the truck in front of you stops suddenly. You apply the brakes spontaneously without any thoughts. What makes you perform this action with no thinking?

The basic root level object that differentiates a human from an animal, along with some secondary others, is our ability to use our brain, the mind, at our discretion; the boundless room designed for evolving the authority commanded by the self analysis over the internal and external lives of every fellow human being. This biological machine that resides within the hard protection of the skull is single handedly the most powerful ingredient for the formulation of every logic on which the civilized verve exists.

The human brain is virtually divided into two parts preferably called as levels. The larger part is the conscious mind and the other is the sub-conscious one. The sub-conscious mind resides inside the conscious mind. As the words themselves explain, the conscious mind works in lines with the way we want it to i.e., consciously, and the sub-conscious mind works without our knowledge. The functioning of the sub-conscious mind is similar to the reflexive actions performed by our body, but this level is programmed based on the continually repeating behavioral instances of the conscious mind.

The well known cliché, ‘practice makes a man perfect’, explains the tricky yet logical concept behind the controlled functioning of the sub-conscious mind. Lets take the example of an amateur basket ball player attempting to master the left-right-jump to throw the ball into the basket. After the initial knowledge of handling the ball, running and jumping, he takes a step by step approach toward the game for the required jump. At first he gives all his concentration to the placement of his feet on the ground, then next to the jump, and finally to the throw of the ball into the basket. He works on the technique fully aware of every move he makes. And he repeats the complete process several times. All this he does is consciously planned and executed. When he repeats this a multiple number of times, he gains expertise and perfection on this part of his game. And now, whenever he attempts a left-right-jump, he doesn’t gives even a small thought to the steps he is taking, he is much more concerned about the other moves in the game. This is all because he has repeated the steps so many times that the process has moved from his conscious mind into the sub-conscious mind. It is as simple as that!

The sub-conscious mind is a sort of sub-set of the conscious mind. Anything done repeatedly in the conscious mind, gets absorbed into the sub-conscious level.

The above elucidated example is just a small degree at which the sub-conscious level works. Right from the way we speak to the way we eat, every minute detail is explained at this level without any substantial knowledge to the larger and the more crude level of consciousness.

When we dream, it is the material in our sub-conscious level that gives us those visual scenes. When we speak, the words we use, the voice we speak with, and even the body language we sport is dependent on this level. The way we walk, see, hear, react, respond to stimulus, and even the way we think with our conscious mind has the base in the sub-conscious level of thinking and judgment.

This most important reason for us to be aware of the working of the sub-conscious mind is that it can be made to behave the way we want it to. Yes, I mean to say it can be programmed to receive the actions at our will. The only obligation being, maximum control over the conscious mind. As I have already explained, the functioning of the sub-conscious level is inherited from the conscious mind. So, it instantaneously becomes obvious that whatever we do consciously with repetition becomes a sub-conscious act.

To get to the root of how we can use this in our daily lives, lets take an example of a business man whose only desire is to make more money by wasting less time. He is business minded and has reasons and explanations to every act he performs. For better understanding, lets take this man to be near perfect. So now, what we have in his sub-conscious mind is only business. When we say that he is business minded, we mean to say that his sub-conscious level is business minded. When this man wakes up in the morning and sees the sunlight, the first question he asks himself is how he can use it to make more money. When he goes to the bathroom, he thinks of a new business he can create in bathroom accessories. When he eats his food he wants the best bread that would keep him energetic thorough out the day so that he can earn more. Everything he comes across on his way to his office makes him think only of one thing – how he can make more money out of it. If you are thinking that he is mad, then let me remind you that we have taken him to be a perfect business minded man.

His sub-conscious mind has been tuned in such a way that every tiny thing he does is in relation to his business-mindedness. There is only one ideology that controls his behavior with the external word; his thinking is always business oriented; his every action is defined by the idea of business. The concept of business is so deeply rooted into his sub-conscious level, that his complete consciousness works only on the principles dictated by the sub level. So we have a programming done here which gives us the definition for every action of a perfect business oriented personality.

How many of us don’t have dreams and desires to become a worthy person in life? None will raise their hands as we all want something out of our lives. So all we have to do is tune our sub-conscious mind in the right direction with perfect visions and goals. When these dreamt visions and goals are desired again and again, they get into our sub-conscious level and our consciousness behaves in accordance too these dreams. Whatever we do gets dependent on what we want out of ourselves. The way we think, work, speak, even the way we sleep gets in the direction of the instructions given out by the sub consciousness (remember the business man). So, when whatever we do speaks only of our desires, and whatever we do is just single mindedly oriented towards our goals, it becomes pretty easy for us to get closer to accomplishment of our dreams. Is this not what we want?

This all perception is just a realization of a human as a complex personality. Who knows we might well be having many more powers and senses yet to be recognized. Discovery is a never ending process existing since the time man came to this earth as an alien to it’s biosphere and started walking on it. Survival of the fittest is still the in - thing for those who really want extraordinary life on this biosphere. Success is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice.

My Nights of Death

2006-01-06T14:46:00.000-06:00

I was apparently waiting for death to grab hold of my soul and leave my body lifeless. With no hope to be felt around, I was credulously smiling; I thought crying would be a better presentation of the deafening silence I could hear inside my heart, but it was too small an emotion to be outlaid. Crying because I knew death has reached my home was simply illogical for me; there was nothing left to cry for. The memory lane I could see now was filled with flowers of affection donated to me by sarcasm trying to cheer me before I could meet perpetuity. The beauty of this incommunicable warmth, I had received as compensation in lieu of an end to the process of experiencing verve, was fantastic enough to get me to smiling escorted by the filling of my eyes with a salty water I had no clue about.

I could in concord, see my past as though it was lived just a few hours back; it was all I had to relish; it was all I remembered of my life. I was very proud – I was to die very soon.

It was the valence week of the year 2004 which saw me learning what an incredible horror death could be. I had seen the demise of my beloved aunt, which even till the present date I can’t believe, and I had seen myself almost lying on the same bed from where the angel of death would take me away from my only physical possession and leave it as a carcass of a frail human.

I remember these days as my holidays just before I entered my professional education termed engineering. I was, in those days, reeling under the shock jolted on me by my aunt’s death, and I had seen a couple of nights filled with the presence of the angels of death around me.

My entrenched faith in my religion, Islam, says to me that dogs cry (bark) and asses bray in the night when they see the angels of death. And in one of those horrifying dead dark and cold nights of summer, at 3:00 in the morning, I heard the canines making these howling noises just to run shivers in every tip and corner of my body. I knew the angels were here; the angels of death. They had come to take someone with them. I wondered which house in my neighborhood was going to weep the next day; I wondered who was going to leave this world forever.

I was already in unbearable pity for that unfortunate family which was going to see itself becoming smaller. I somehow managed to sleep that night though it was in no way a good sleep. When the sun rose in the east the next morning, I was out to check for the news of an end of life in my neighborhood. I waited; it never came.

I was happy; we all were happy. But this happiness had discomfort in company. The angel was here and someone had to die and no one was gone yet. That lengthy day passed away staring at me in with it’s eyes wide open as though it knew the night I was about to see.

Then in that night there was a repetition of these hymns sung by the animals calling out aloud that the angels were here again. I knew they were here again and that they won’t be leaving empty handed this time. I was sure to see a dead body passing by my door the next day. But then suddenly, I was crippled. A seed of pain cracked up in my mind. I was said by this seed that the person supposed to leave could be from my own home too. God help me – I was in pieces. I didn’t slept after I heard it, and when the sun shined again, my face was swollen as I had cried all through the rest of the night just to beg my God to provide my parents and my brother with a more than 100 years of life. That whole day the mercilessly bright red sun had watched me crying tears of salty blood – each tear pleading God for a long life for my dearly loved ones.

The darkness arrived once again; this time with no hanging moon that would look like a dying lamp in the sky. I was waiting fog those beasts to come out of their dens to inform me again about the arrival of the angels, of death of course. And once more at 3:00 they cried about their arrival. I was not in my senses.

Someone had to leave, someone had to die. The only question with me was not who but when?

I had no desire to know who that person was but I was given the answer by my desecrated mad thinking. It was an answer that charred me to death when it reached my tympanum. The vibration in my mind said,”It’s you who is going to die”.

Me.

Yes me. Why can it not be me? I had prayed for others the previous day, I never did it for myself, so I was completely in agreement to that voice that I was going to die. I didn’t even then sense any foolishness in me as I was fed with an overdose of confidence that I was really going to leave this world.

There was no pain to be felt and no pleasure to be enjoyed anymore. Death, I thought, could never make me cry for I was programmed to believe that I must always be ready to meet it. And I was terribly in the correct understanding zone; I wasn’t crying. Crying then, was too small an emotion to be suffered.

All I could think was about the nice time I had with the people I had prayed for – the gatherings, the days we had seen in delight and cheer, the smiles and laughs of my dear ones. All this made me smile with wet eyes. I was happy, I was about to have a new beginning in another world promised to me by my Creator.

I was with great anticipation longing for that heavenly person to come and take me with him. I was longing for death. I knew it was somewhere here and I couldn’t even say that I had mislaid it for it was supposed to arise from the heavens.

It was a wait then. That person, the angel of death, would never come. It was tiring – more tiring than standing in the middle of the Sahara with a burning sun at the top and heat scratching the red skin. It was an unending story of delaying the start of eternity.

I spent two days with this pain. Even the next night was the same with howls of those damned animals. My vision was blinded by the pain and all I was made to see was a longing for death.

There was no future to think of. Only my remembrances of the past could make me smile.

I knew I was foolish. I was crazy to make myself believe in that ridiculous crap. I was out of my mind to think that I was going to die.

Something had to be done and it was done with no reason. Something in me said that I must ask for a change in my routine chore of being alone with my solitude. It was only after I left my house to live with my other relatives for a couple of days that I could get out of this terrific self-created illusion of a nearing death.

I, then later, for many days laughed at myself; and I was very much justified in doing that - I had fooled myself to death; I had been suffocating myself with self-deception.

But today, when I sit down and convert this silly experience into words, I realize what I had gained. I had a tryst with death; it was living with the feeling that I am going to die the very next moment even before I could breathe. It was nearly like experiencing death.

Now I am glad I had seen those days. Now I know what death can be - I call myself fortunate to know this. Though I was asinine then, I was unknowingly learning how the end of life might look.

I don’t know if I should say this but let me do it for the sake of expressing – “I have lived with death in my soul”.

Long live death. God knows when it should arrive. It is never a matter of concern for me but, but I fear death.

So You Are Safe, Hmmm?

2006-01-01T07:01:00.000-06:00

When you feel like doing something, sit down and relax until that feeling goes away – this was a line once shown to me by a good friend of mine. I was so impressed with it that I gave in to the belief that I was great in handling myself when ever I felt any strong wills to do a task which seemed a bit demanding on my nerves and I had left it unaccomplished. I took it as though these were golden words; just until I realized that they weren’t; they were not true in every aspect of life. They were verbalized by a soul trying to mistake incapability for patience. There were merely the words we all appreciate listening to.

When I got into this to prove it incorrect (in specifically serious walks of life), I was forced ambiguously to encounter stiff opposition of probable errata that might have pushed me into false and unanswered paradigms. I started off with a ridiculous understanding that I am the one on the wrong side trying to gain appreciation for being different and going for ideologies often unaccepted. This provided me with a challenge of fighting self-manipulation just to test my buffer for formidable self-fraud. And I fell into the deep trap of flirting with my conscience; and I came up with the following explanations. Now, I’d like to make it clear that I am in no way trying to preach or wreak any new notions that might get any false objects of misunderstanding into the subtle minds of the readers.

Every one of us likes to enjoy life irrespective of the fact that we might just not be gaining what can be the single most valuable need of every life – satisfaction. We are misled by our own perception that we are in possession of every happiness required for an anticipation of a fruitful life (note that I am using the word anticipation here). We put ourselves on the track of a virtual train moving in circles and eventually leading us to a pleasant nowhere. The reason – we want to be happy!

The verily accepted logic that its truly human nature, to always ask for more, pulls us deeper into a delusion that successful people have beaten this natural phenomenon. But when we are made to make it clear who these so called successful people (at least for us) are, the answer we might throw evidently shows the personalities who have said ‘yes’ to this human nature. They were ready to dream big; not only dream about something, but also believe in it.

When we are asked about the category we belong to – practical or unpractical; the answer often found is ‘it depends’. To be frank, it depends only on one thing – the fact that we are unpractical. Only unpractical people depend on the outer world; practical people depend on themselves.

Then of course they are a group of very interesting people who keep on saying that they prefer playing it safe no matter how much it take on them. They say they have nothing to lose forsaking the fact that they got nothing to gain form this assumption either. And they take delight and pleasure in proclaiming their belief and to make things worse, they even preach their concept of being safe. The most amazing part is that they think they are safe by doing nothing.

What a pity it is, what a waste of human potential. God help them. They demur to any person who might try to guide them; it makes no difference to them even if that person is correct or wrong. They are simply cynics.

How can I explain them that having money in a safe deposit vault never yields; how do I enlighten them that extinct animals are safe from poachers only in their sanctuaries, their only need is to survive; how do I show them that no life is lived by staying indoors.

These people are the very wise ones who go to any extent to prove their points; only that if they had gone for some good deeds, they could have put their powerful minds to a better use. They don’t even understand that they are simply devising a valid explanation of their helplessness to achieve in life what they desire.

I am sure they want big things; they do have big dreams – dreams that include people. But they are afraid to go ahead with them; the reasons are many – maybe they are weak, probably too shy to express, may be they think they are waiting for the right things to appear (which might never happen), or it might be just that they have some personal problems they dare not to reveal to themselves. But one thing’s for sure – they really, really long for things as big as life and they are too proud to lose. And as I have already stated, they do nothing but proclaim modestly that they prefer being safe. It is just their inability to employ effort that they are validating this point. It’s a shame they don’t realize the hard facts. I pity they deceive themselves.

In the larger run, they never are satisfied. These are the people who are afraid to dream. They nave no idea of what they have been created for and they are afraid of the power their mind manifestation may give out. They are afraid of themselves.

We don’t get satisfaction in life as long as we limit our potential and encapsulate ourselves. We need to go beyond what we have seen, and more beyond what we thought we could do.

It’s like a hammer kept in a box for a long period; it knows not what it has been made for. It stays there for several years and then one cold day it is taken out to get to work. The hammer is hit on the trees to chop them; it is pounded on the ground to level it; it is played on the people to kill them. The hammer feels nice that it is being used, but it has contempt in it. It is not happy and satisfied with what it is being used for. It has work but still wants more. There is something missing in it; it’s getting frustrated.

Then one day it is hit on a nail. And lo! It felt life. It was as if it was made for this act – to hit nails. The hammer knew it. It realized it is this work that gives satisfaction.

Though it’s incorrect to compare the non-living with humans, I do believe that this example can be taken as a compelling one. The case is definitely same with our lives. Making ourselves safe never lets us feel life - it rusts our souls and shrinks our world. A few of these people say that the world is very big; yes, I do agree with them. I’d like to tell them that the world is even much bigger than what they think it is – in every sense they like to take it. But I must take the opportunity to sensitize them with a well known fact that this world is round (in cross section), geo-spherical for that matter.

Being safe is equivalent to forming a shell around us – the one we think that might give us some protection. It hardly and barely does that. Deep down inside our hearts we know this. This kind of safety limits our well being and stops us from moving up from the point of mediocrity.

If one really wants to be safe, it is better he dies and remains safe and sound in his grave. (Ah! What a pity, even that grave won’t be safe for him. Remember God!).

Hmmm!!!

2005-12-29T08:27:00.000-06:00

I did post something a few days back but I later found it to be better suited for my other blog-site “Gridlocked”(the link is on the right hand side of this page). You may check it from there.

A new work is definitely on it’s way!!!

The Green

2005-12-21T20:44:00.000-06:00

I see it; I like it, long to have it; it’s so nice, so spellbinding; wow…I am all out for it. It pulls me deeper and captivates me inside its mesmerizing beauty; smiling at me, teasing, and making me want it more and more. It is just everything I’ve been dreaming; it is just the kind of gift I’d wish my beloved could gift me – the one that would make me fall for it.

Far across the fence of my illusion, my self-realized circle of existence – the boundary that reminds me of the place I belong to – I see a glory so elevated that it instantly becomes my wish; not just a wish but a burning desire. I visualize a candle in my hand that tries to reach out for that thing - to give it a light of my own device; to have my name engraved on it. It is my fantasy to have it.

But the harsh reality takes all the wonderful dreams away from me and wakes me up to another harsh realism – the one that reminds me of the fence. It is a thin slender line forbidden to be transgressed for it has been said that it provides me with security against contempt; and of course the toughest word in the dictionary – discipline, is supposed to be injected into me if I keep myself from the other side. This line – The Fence – segregates my possessions from my desired possessions.

And the pain that touches my soul cries out to the beast, of self-deception, absorbed in me; the request for happiness makes that devil too good an incarnated truism and propels it to provide me with a solace full of shine. The warmth provided to me says “It is just that the grass is greener on the other side. There is nothing to worry and this, so expected, greener grass is just a chimera between authority and slavery.”

I am so happy, contended and red with bliss on my cheeks. What a friend to have in disguise – the self-deception beast.

But yes, I am cheating myself and just trying to avoid the pity I might sense for not being able to have that thing on my side. I know it is very much beyond my reach and it’s just to calm myself down that I say that the greener on the other side.

But why is it always that the grass is greener on the other side?

Is it what a true dream that can be described as? Is it a deception again cheating and questioning its own ability? Is it that we really need that thing? Or is it just human to be that way? Well it can simply be anything but for me, when I kill the self-deception beast inside of me, the greener pasture is an offshoot of my jealousy. Now this may be a bit closer to bitterness of heart but it offers me with a convincing answer to that huge why.

I want that thing, but I know I can’t. I see the other person having it and there is nothing I can really do about it. I absolutely find no ways to bring it on my side, so I, just to cheer myself a little, term it as sour grapes (remember the story of the fox trying to grab a bunch a grapes from a climber). I am but jealous of that other person’s possession and I am aware that if I openly accept it, it might be destructive for my esteem. So I find for it a softer and much more accepted explanation – “The grass is always greener on the other side”. (And maybe even the word green is by and large referred as the color of jealousy.)

I know I am wrong. I am simply finding ways to justify my inability to work for it and win it; I am putting my procrastinating nature in a much decorated envelope and presenting it to myself; I am rationalizing my weaknesses and timid qualities; I am validating my mediocre human nature to settle for the less. In a nut shell I am cheating my own good self.

But why is the grass greener on the other side than it is here?

Probably this is the reason why we humans are here today in this simplified life full of scientific advancement, and new knowledge that makes it more and more livable. Our longing for more in our life has created plenty of room for betterment; it have given us the desires to work harder; it has motivated us to believe in the impossible; it has shown us the beauty in fulfilling our dreams; it has just made us ask for even more than what life has to offer. And this of course, undoubtedly, is human nature; absolutely no question about that.

Visualizing greener pastures and trying to be there, makes us change our side of the fence into a better something; it gives us the extra punch required to make our own grass greener. With this I just mean to convey that it might be silly trying to cross the fence; it’d rather be more than good if we can simply work harder with more wisdom and virtue, to get our side far ahead of the other, in terms of fresh greenness i.e., the materialistic gains we often ask for.

But failing to understand that we can make our side better creates contempt and dissatisfaction. It seals away the meaning of our existence and forces us toward a dark path of emptiness. It is not for a human to lose his way out in this fashion - it is for him to keep trying and for that matter, winning – for winning is the only option and an act of losing is a crime.

We humans are born with desires, and we die with desires. The bell is always ringing but we seldom recognize its worth and complain of the irritating noise it creates. But this bell is the bell of opportunity – the much awaited knock on our door. All that is expected of a person of faith in himself, is to open the door to let that ringing opportunity in. Else, the only thing he can do is watch that glory go past him like a whisker in to the hands of his better counterpart in life, and later complain that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

It all starts with a choice we make and the option we stick to. Our principles and ethics determine the path we walk on, and the determination to stick on that path makes our journey a success with only one destination – the destination of an everlasting and pleasing eternity.

Now maybe this seems to be all but practical. But this is what is expected of us – converting theory and assumptions of high probability of precision, into action. What a life it would be if we can just work for everything we desire and get it. And this is possible only through the above said belief.

The grass on the other side is greener only for one reason – human nature to ask for more. And this is definitely the way it should be; it is good for our survival; not just survival but for a healthy living.

And no matter how bad or ugly the grass on our side is, it is our HOME.

My Romance with Deception

2005-12-18T14:37:00.000-06:00

Every now and then I go on a date with her; spend so many pleasant and unforgettable moments; and even before I realize that I am with her, the time for her to leave already arrives. Ah! That departure thing really hurts. She is so mesmerizing; has such a sweet smile and above all, makes me forget all the displeasure I can ever think of. What a nice friend to have; and I am damn sure I am not going to lose her no matter what comes in between us. She says she loves me and I know she does. Even I feel the same thing for her – my sweet little friend – Ms. Deception.

We hang around rather too often and find great times together, with each other. She says I am the best, that I am smart, that I can do everything and more. She praises me and lets me know that I can never go wrong, that there isn’t anybody who can beat me, and that it’s just a matter of time before everybody recognizes my worth; and I know she is not lying or trying to flatter me. She cares for me and will never let me down. After all she is Ms. Deception. And this is all what she is supposed to be doing.

Some times I just start to get the feeling that I am going in the wrong direction by falling in love with her. And she is already there; to rescue me, get me out of wrong place which fills me with wrong notions. She shows her indescribable fondness and warmth she has got for me. She gets me out of all the crap I invoke within me taking for granted that I have a beauty who shall never feel diminished when I don’t think about her. But to be frank, I actually think about her more when I am sure that I am not thinking about her. But she always loves me; my dearest Ms. Deception.

Then one day I woke up to a harsh reality. Even then I wasn’t sure that I was sleeping but all I knew was that I woke up. I understood that she was all but truth; she was beauty but was a misleading mirage; she was pure but that purity was a toxic; she was enchanting and enthralling but that was just to provide me with false contentment; she introduced bliss into my being but that was just to make me fall asleep into the dreams of unreal and inane gardens full of gorgeous flowers - flowers made of hemlock. She, as I understand now, was sweet yet un-forgiven. She had un-mistakably taken away my ability to recognize my faults. Ah! Ms. Deception, why did you do this to? What on earth made you kill my self-conscience? You are bad. You are insane. You are a cheat and you can never be good for me. I shall never forgive you.

But wait, I am not going to leave her this way; not forgiving means inflicting a punishment; and it should be a punishment as large as the love she had for me. So then I decided to answer her back in her own dish. I devised a plan to teach her a lesson. I planned to deceive Ms. Deception.

I made up my mind to become the best of all I can be; a person who is an exception to all the man-made boundaries of perfection beyond which not even the very best of the contemptuous men can see. I decided to make myself a human too good to be a human. And all this was just decided to cheat Ms. Deception. And this decision also meant that I am going to use her for my most selfish desire of becoming the highest creation and the cleanest heart to ever exist.

I knew that if I behave and show the very best, she’d call me bad and probably very bad. I also knew that if I manage to stop this degradation to hinder my self-esteem, I’ll well be deceived, and I’ll believe that I am the worst.

And this happened. I was deceived to perfection – till I was sure and confident that I got nothing good in me. I was very happy for I knew this was good for me. When I know that I am bad, I am bound to work even harder to make myself good. And more bad I think I am, the more I’ll work to become good. Ha ha ha, Ms. Deception, just see how cruel I am. What do you think, is it only you who can deceive? You are wrong. I have got a gift form my Lord, which I have thankfully realized. And this gift is my mind. Don’t mistake it for a brain for it’s merely a physical lump of mass. My mind has the facility to think and ponder, and you know what, I have learnt to use it.

Ms. Deception, I defeat you.

She is gone now making me a better person. I have now become all that I was created to be. I am the best now. I am the purest now. Everybody likes me and loves me for what I am. Everywhere I go I spread happiness and cheer. People adore me.

But was Ms. Deception so weak. She loved me so much, how can she get hurt with a small execution of a merciless plan? How is it possible that she has left the person who could never live without her? How can she live without me? How can she leave me when I have become the greatest of the men who reside on this planet? How can she ignore the crowned king?

A very long time passed and I was confident that I no more had Ms. Deception with me, and I also knew that I was the best. It was all so wonderful. And then suddenly, I woke up. Hey, I was already awake. I woke up long back. What the freak is this now? Damn it. Who said I woke up?

There was a thunder up in the sky. The lightning was so full of horror that I was again sure I woke up. Come on now. I said I never slept. I said I was already awake. How can I wake up again? Have I gone mad?

Then there was a loud, strong and clear voice from the above. It was totally a different accent; I had never heard of something like this before. I began to feel small and tiny. I felt frail and shiver. This was God speaking.

He said, “You are crazy”.
In a suffocating voice I replied, “I know it”.
He asked, “What are you doing for it then. Don’t you have any will to come out of that craze?”

I was confused. Am I expected to come out of this? I don’t have Ms. Deception with me. How can I do something wrong that God himself had to come to me and tell me to correct myself. I might be dreaming. But…but…it was just a few minutes back I thought I woke up. I am going nuts.

He raised His voice again, “You think you don’t have her with you. What made you think that? Why do you think whatever you think about yourself? Why do you believe that you are the best? It’s only because you are still being deceived”.

Now He was softer with me and began to explain me with love. “Ms. Deception never left you. She just got deeper into you and made you take it for granted that she has left. She is there with you, closer to you than before. She is absorbed in you and it’s not a human act to separate her from yourself. She has been deceiving you and cheating you all these days and was making you believe that you are simply something more than good. It was an illusion you were living with. You are a victim of self-deception.”

Then I understood how silly I had been all these days. I smiled at my own foolishness and regretted my inability to realize that I was simply fooling myself.

I pleaded, “Oh! God please tell me what I must do now”.

He said, “Use Ms. Deception to her best of ability as you did when you had planned. But never think that she has left you. She will never do that. Stick to the principle of integrity and utilize her efficiency. Love her and make her do only good to you”.

Then He left.

Then the very next moment I went on a date with her. She is so nice, so charming. She is helping me now; to become a better person. I try to go against her but she never distances herself from me. I use the art of self-deception now, and I am doing it pretty well.

Now, just before ending this story, I’d like to tell you that I never expect you to understand it. I admit that what I have written was tough to comprehend. But it’s okay. I just don’t write for you, I write for myself – to satisfy myself. So just relax and try to imagine what I might be doing now with her.

Oh! God. I am at it AGAIN. Saying that I don’t expect people to understand what I write. No, I want them to understand what I write and I want them to help me realize the infliction of deception Ms. Deception tries on me. How can I cheat myself by saying that I don’t write for others? If I don’t write for others then why am I trying to make so many people read it? I must really be a fool. Silly me.

So now, I am with her. I play with her; I flirt with her; I dance with her. Wow, I am really in love. Not in love with Ms. Deception. I am in love with my life. But I enjoy my time with her. It’s so wonderful. I romance with deception.

Integrity Opens the Door

2005-12-12T13:33:00.000-06:00

We don’t recognize when we are doing it. Not even after we have done. We don’t admit when others protest; there is the egotist rapt in our soul, warring to repudiate yielding, eluding your desire to beget the non-spurious intonation – a ramification of our devout conscience. It cheats us, proves our debility to open a door through which the expression of non-corroded purity, from our true inner self, might try to emanate out. Yes, it makes us fake our actions, counterfeit our words with a gleam – make them look biased.

If you have got me by now, I am with exalted humility, speaking of the iniquity that pushes us to do it. And the “it” I speak, is the fraudulence we often set in motion, when we have our mouths open.

Integrity by definition means the quality of being honest and morally upright. Integrity is the cliché that must never say quits. It is purity, as pure as life itself, wealthier than any figment that should acquire all the gold in the worlds, as true as truth itself.

Our reputation is all we take to our grave – first-rate or awful. But who cares for what the grave has in stock; too busy to give a think to the living, we hurry past the pathway as though we know it like the back of our hands. We push through the seasons ceasing to have that pinch of guilt in our desolated souls (if I am not inflating it), taking forsake the every forbidden idea we utter so often – the lie. So easy has it become to do it – to sacrifice our integrity.

Good character builds trust and trust is the glue of relationship - the profoundly proclaimed necessity for every human, the commitment that verily inspires millions of souls. And so often we cheat these relationships. I don’t say we cheat people as they are not the need, but the relationship is. We spoil the splendor by the utterance of untrue words and undermine the saint in us. Dishonesty chokes true relations; be it friendship or any other.

Every time we speak a lie, we cause to make a crack in the foundation of our integrity. We may not have the guilt fountain starting, but we surely have sacrificed our self-respect. We have made ourselves weak and fragile and stand only on our feet with an illusion of honor but no light in our hearts when we do that. We might just not even feel anything when we have spoken a lie, but it definitely glues us to the evil. Dishonesty gets us closer to the evil spirit.

Bending integrity is not just about the words in open – our hearts too speak languages unheard by our inefficient little ears. I speak about the deep rooted, yet highly frail intentions we possess. Our actions need not verily show our intentions for it’s not a human tendency to synchronize them with our behaviors. But definitely having a clear conscience is a satisfaction in true sense and in itself. Dishonest intentions undermine our untainted thoughts and corrupt our mind – leaving us with an unforgiving pain in our soul – seldom understood.

Keep your word; be loyal and committed; make words and actions, like two parallel lines, always run together; detest deception and fraud; condemn cheating. But this is not all it takes to keep you integrity intact – it needs more than sacrifice of the false mask you bear on your face – it needs love for integrity, requires endurance when heated due to friction, it asks for standing for the truth – even if it means giving up you life.

There are many more instances in our lives we happen to see, where in we just say no to the never dying truth; we allow it to happen, not aware that allowing something to happen in our eyes is equal to putting an approval stamp on it. There are many more occasions, I feel, not necessary to be unfolded now, where we shut the door close. It’s time we wake up and comprehend the knowledge we have been provided with – the one that makes us satisfy ourselves with a proud feeling of living with integrity.

Integrity opens the door for fulfillment in our hearts; the very bare necessity for a gratifying existence. Integrity teaches love.

Integrity makes you a person of substance.

I SURVIVE

2005-12-06T22:27:00.000-06:00

I am dead. Long live my “life”. In the cold darkness of my grave I lie, with a longing to live again, dream again - survive again. But it’s all over. The end has come and there should now shortly be a transition of my spirit to the next world, high above in the skies, unseen and undiscovered. Then there should be a weighing done; an accounting of my deeds – merits and demerits – a decision of my hereafter; the judgment. I should then be thrown into the fires fueled by human mass, or if my Creator decides otherwise, should I enjoy the scents of the everlasting bliss. My hereafter – the END that never ends.

But wait. I am not done yet. Even if I am to die the very next moment, I am still alive. I am not over until I really am. I am here; speaking to you well aware of the possible forthcomings, well aware that everyday I live is but a blessing from my Creator.

Some say “live today for there might be no tomorrow”. Then others say “no matter we have a tomorrow or not, we do have a day after that tomorrow”. But I say “We very well have a ‘day-after-tomorrow’, we also have a ‘tomorrow’ to come. But before that, we have our ‘today’ - the most extravagant gift from The Exalted Creator. Live up to it.”

But have I done anything great by living all these days? Is it a big thing to survive for 19 years? Are these 19 long years long enough to make me feel that I have experienced life? Have I learnt how to live up to my life? Have I learnt to survive?

I guess I did! I am alive.

19 years have passed since my birth, is there anything to celebrate about in it? There are so many who have heard more birthday wishes than me. They have lived more than me and experienced more too. Can this give me a reason to celebrate? I am just among the billions who have seen their numbers getting heavier. Age isn’t anything but a number, and an increment in it never makes me feel like partying. Should it?

6939 days after I have opened my eyes in this biosphere, I am being said “Happy Birthday”, and “Many Happy Returns of the Day”. Why did no one wish me 19 years back, on the day I took birth? Nobody greeted me into this world on that day. I might have cried and cried, but nobody every said “Welcome to the place you belong to”. Or maybe it was said and I don’t remember. Silly me; always complaining!

But for what am I being wished now? And why should I thank for being wished? Does their wishing make any difference? Or is it just another formality? Let me guess. They do it only for one reason – I wish them on their day! But why do I wish them? Because they do it to me? A viscous circle indeed it is. And yes, of course there are always people who do it for another reason – they felt love and affection; the undefined features of life.

Today, I am supposed to be aware of how I spend my 1,440 beautiful moments, and I am to spend them wisely for this is going to decide my next 1440. I got to live today and plan for tomorrow. No matter I am wished by anybody or not, only my Cherisher’s favor is what I long for.

Those who love profoundly never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. Unless I try to do a bit beyond what I have already acquired, I‘ll never grow. Love is my destiny; I live for it, and because of it. I don’t love any person more than myself, and God, I suppose, is not a person. I got love running through my veins and my survival is winged to it. It propels me forward, independent of my past, and out of bounds of my future.

Life is a procession. If I am too fast, I’ll get ahead of it only to cease to live it. If I am too slow it gets ahead of me, leaving me only to regret. In these 19 years I have walked hand in hand with life - learning, teaching, living, and surviving.

But sometimes I run away from my life so that I can see myself coming to where I am. The desire to know about my existence arises to get me out of the true path. But my path itself reminds me of one thing – there is no path on either sides of this path, and I have no other option but to accept it without having any knowledge of it. This continues my procession, my survival.

Sometimes I fear getting older. But again I got no option – I need not resent growing. Many are denied this privilege. I am blessed to see the increasing numbers – I am getting young day by day. I am surviving.

Definitely my day is going to come. I should have a tryst with an end, and a rendezvous with a new beginning; a beginning that invites me to eternity; a beginning that marks my end in this world. In the world I have survived all through.

My end is not nearing to me, I am nearing to it. And for only one reason should I see my end – I have survived to be there.

I have seen what I have seen. There is definitely much more to come, much more to understand, much more to dream, much more to desire, much more to cherish, much more to live, much more to survive.

And yes, this gives me a reason – the reason to celebrate.

I SURVIVE.

WHO AM I?

2005-12-05T13:14:00.000-06:00

It was a few days back that I, just before sleeping in the night, was busy with my daily chore of analyzing the day that has just ended and bang; I was reminded of a question I had read that day – “ Who are you?”

The answer as expected looked pretty simple and obvious, but it really wasn’t. I could have reacted to it with plain feedback like “I am Zubair”, “I am a student”, or “I am a human being”. But that couldn’t be satisfactory to me. The question was not “What is your name?”, “What do you do?”, or “What are you?” It was “Who are you?”.

I couldn’t sleep that night.

The next day I sat staring at the ceiling as my sub-consciousness was pouring in answers into my perception. This was incredible for I never felt that way before. Every thought was pulling me deep into the wells of eternal truths I was afraid to find, there was darkness all around except for a dim light caressing my hair from the above. There were voices all around from the cracks of the walls of that well and I felt breathlessness as the air was thin.

The increasing loudness of these voices was so frightening that I could feel noise getting into me through my scull. The measure of horror was high enough to send shivers through my weak body.

But my desire to get the answer was so strong that I refused to get myself out of this. This desire was necessary to keep life in motion. I never wanted to be thought brave because I was afraid to run away. I wanted to be taken as a thing that knows about itself. And I continued.

Then from behind the dreadful noises I heard a sweet something. A voice, an answer. Sweet tone, but a whispering secret I wish I never had to hear. Cruel words I guess I knew, but never cared to even give a damn thought. The words, the answer – “You are nobody!”

How can that be? I am not nobody. I have heard of things like these before. Things like - we are nothing but humble tiny little creatures on earth, or we mean nothing and nobody ever really cares about us.

But I am not no one. I am, and I should be something for there is something in me that goes unrealized. This gave me an immense pleasure to challenge the voice from that well of eternal truth. And I committed myself to prove it wrong.

For every 20 million living creatures on this planet earth, there is only one human being. A human being is a biological rarity. And I am on top of those 19.99 million creatures and I AM a Biological Rarity. I am rare.

Never was there any person like me in the past and never will there be any in the future.
I am unique. There is no one like me who exists. I am unique to myself. No one can ever replace me. I have my own place and I belong to it and that place belongs to me. It can’t be stolen from me. It resides inside me.

I am important. Important to people around me - my parents, friends and several others, I am important to myself. I have more importance than that of a thread of gold. I am lot more important than that for I am not just a thread of gold.

I have subsistence running in me. This existence comprises desires, love, happiness, pleasures, humor, feelings, pain and pathos – and they spurt inside of me. A “nobody” never has this. I exist.

I have a face – an identity. I have a name – a pedigree. I have a house – a home. I have dreams – a reason to toil. I have people – I love. I have a world – I belong to. I have “haves”. A “nobody” never has this.

But above all this I have God. And He himself has said that I, a human being, am of His best of creations. I am on top of all that He has created. I am enriched by Him, made to become the best of all that subsists. I am an out of the ordinary, unusual creation of God. A “nobody” isn’t.

There are philosophers, philanthropists and thinkers who too gave me answers to this question and they are verily in my favor and in total agreement with me.

I am a sphere around which rhythmic fragments revolve
I am infinite shore to an infinite sea where infinite rhythmic fragments in the form of sand grains reside. People walk on them and leave their footsteps behind only for my rhythmic waves to level them.
I am but a fragment of my giant self, a mouth that seeks bread, and a blind hand that holds the cup for a thirsty mouth.
I am a winged spirit that cannot escape necessity.
I am the one who has chosen the delights of this world and the peace of the next.
I am a secret untold to my own self.

Who am I?

I AM LIFE.

I am NOT Mentally Vulnerable - A Realisation Redifined

2005-11-27T10:01:00.000-06:00

It was three years back that one of my aunts warned me that she was going to sue me for propagating dangerous ideas. I didn’t know how to react to it but all I could do was to think if I speak of things that may be destructive to me in particular and my surroundings in general. The answer I got was a straight NO. In now way was I wrong with my theories then; it was only that they were conflicting with others’.

But now I am glad I had someone who had to say that I got ideas too strong to make others ponder upon. I am glad these ideas are dangerous.

And yes, it’s also my mental strength, my mental invulnerability that I am glad about. I have a circle drawn around myself that makes me feel strong and secure. What ever I do is from inside of that circumference and all my existence smartens up in it. And I belong to some place – my home, my circle.

I have a responsible head on my shoulders. I am aware of the place I am supposed to be and I am sure I am already there. I can mould me into whatever I’d like to become, and it’s not only that I can, I have already done it. Many believe that it takes ages for a person to become all that he wants to be. But look at me. I am already there - going strong and satisfied. I am very well an exception to many beliefs and axioms. I have the guts to break free and get along with deeds and ideologies usually unapproved and differed. I have dared to walk on the streets people are afraid to foray into, and I don’t fear making everyone au fait with it.

Sometimes I do feel that I am lacking confidence and I am weak mentally. But I am not. I am of the most powerful emotional intelligences in the being and I have the intentions to beat any creature that tries to undermine my supremacy.

I got the awesome ability to have two minds and yet be functional with it. I can make people believe that I am very happy even when I am actually not. I can make myself laugh and cry whenever needed. I have the incredible knack to play with my own passions and senses and push them into any direction I desire to. I can fully control my emotions. And I am doing it.

I accept it is only my responsibility of everything that goes inside and even outside of me. Outside because it’s only my attitude and perception that makes that other thing, the way it is, for me. It’s the way I see it – good or bad. I can, with ease, pull up or bring down a person, insult him or praise him, like him or hate him. I can even make others agree with what all I speak of. Again, it’s not only that I can, I have already done it, and for that matter, done it many times.

I know how to make a lie look larger than a truth and yet not compromise on my integrity. I can cheat without using a falsehood and yet not allow the other person to even feel that he has been cheated. And he will also agree that I am at fault in no way. That’s the power in me – the quality I relish fully aware of my religion and ethics.

I don’t take praise and flattery seriously and never get carried away with it. I don’t get elevated with extol and for that matter, no type of insult can bring me down. I never accept it when a person says that I am good at something. The reason is if I accept that, then I’ll stop doing everything I do to be good at it.

I don’t fear critiquing any person or system. I have no worries of the backlashes or the hatred I might get in return. And I know that when a person I criticizing me, he can be more of wrong than right. I also understand how to differentiate between constructive criticism and negativity.

I know where I should be angry and where I should be patient, where to shout and where to be quite, where to laugh and where to cry. I am in full control of my attitude.

I never believe a person when he or she downplays another person. I put people before their actions, so even when I see someone doing wrong I still believe that he is a good human. I believe intentions speak lauder than words.

I sense pride in myself when I hear someone calling me mad or crazy because it’s only when you get mad at something, will you achieve it. I am in total agreement that I am ridiculous. I like doing different things, and doing the regular things differently. This gives me satisfaction.

No person can hurt my feelings and no object can distract me from my path unless I opt to get in new things into my life or increase my diameter. I can gather myself instantaneously when I am shocked and perturbed. I think closely about every emotion inflicted on me and understand only one thing – there is a better side to it. I take every problem as a new experience.

I have clarity in my mind and every contradiction that arises is resolved spontaneously with high probability of correctness.

I have handled blows on my heart and will continue to do so. Though I haven’t seen much in life, I know that what I have seen is not less. Though I have seen problems and sorrows, I am aware that they are many more to come and I am prepared for them.

I am NOT groping in the dark. I feel everything, and appreciate and realize the whole thing.

I believe in things that are meant to be and I also believe in things I haven’t experienced yet. I learn from others and allow them to learn from me. I understand that they are many people in the world I might not appreciate, but

I have learnt to like them and live with them. I believe in perfection and yet trust in imperfect things. I honor people irrespective of what they do to me. I live my life and let others to live their own.

Again - I am not mentally vulnerable. I am strong and steady. I won’t fall for anything because there are principles I stand for. No human can baffle me. I am invulnerable.

But in the end I also ironically believe that it is the easiest thing on earth, for a man, to deceive and make a fool of his own self - IRONICALLY, Humorous. Isn’t it?

A Story - Distract and Cheat

2005-11-20T03:41:00.000-06:00

One day as I entered my class, I found my friends talking about an article they had read the previous day, on my blog-site. It was something about my intention to write a book on my life. I knew there were going to be many questions and I believe this was what I was really preparing for. But I didn’t go to them and kept quiet.

Then suddenly one of them shouted,"Tomorrow, by the end of the day, I want you to present that book to me". I was shocked. How come he knew so much about me? Or is he guessing?

I simply gave a plain reply. "There is no such book as yet."

There was a short silence before I spoke up again in a very low voice. "My typing speed is a lot faster than my writing speed."

Now he was really sure that I had started to write something about myself and I was in a fix as I didn’t wish to reveal about it to any of my acquaintances or even friends.

Then he said, "You needn’t hide anything from your friends".

There were many of my classmates listening to this and their concerted eyes looking at me made it clear that they were expecting an answer from me.

I had no words to speak. I was nonplused and literally didn’t know what to say because it was in no way that I could tell them about the work I am doing at home.

I looked up toward him and responded, "I’ll tell you something I read long back. It’s a saying by Khalil Gibran. Listen carefully.
‘When I stood a clear mirror before you, you gazed into me and saw your image.
Then you said, "I love you."
But in truth you loved yourself in me.’"

At first he couldn’t understand any thing about what I had just said. And I suppose it was the same case with the others too. He asked me to repeat it. So I did.

"Wow" was his reaction.

Then I continued, fully aware of all the eager ears around me, "You start liking people only because of the way they behave. They do something which you like and would wish to emulate. This simply means that you want to copy from that person or probably become like him. That person has shown something in him which is somewhat like what you call for yourself a perfect – kind. And when this feeling persists for a period of time it gets converted into undefined things. You just don’t get the head or tail of it and you end up believing that it is love.

But it’s only that she has loved in him what resembles her. She has loved herself in him."

He thought for a while and asked, "Are you trying to say that there is nothing like love?"

"No, I am not", was my reply. "All I mean to say is that whatever you feel for a person, after liking in him what you want to become like, shouldn’t be mistaken for love."

"It’s the concept of mirroring that makes the person with you, comfortable. Everyone likes people who do things they like"

Then suddenly there was a loud shout from my back. It was my other friend who too wanted to put her word forward. She said "Everybody gives their definition for love. What is it for you then?"

Though an answer was expected from me, I gave something else. "Never try to understand life. The reason for this is that it is really an easy thing to understand. But what are you going to do after understanding life? The next thing you will desire to understand will be death. You can keep on experiencing life for at least sometime. But death is a one-time experience. People stop "living" once they have understood life."

But she didn’t listen to the full thing I had said. She just caught the fact said by me, "life was easy to understand". She asked me if I could elaborate on that.

This was now getting on my nerves.

I gave a glance to my watch and that made me smile.

I said, "Life is what that lives and we humans live. But there is a paradox; the living we live is worlds apart from what the other creatures do. I mean the uncivilized ones – animals. And the biggest dissimilarity is that we experience pure things."

There was some type of confused silence around.

This made me continue. "The more pure a feeling gets the more unrequited and unbelievable it becomes. It is often ridiculed too. There is no room for purity beyond a particular limit. And I call this limit as life. You understand this sort of limpidness, and you understand life. But I do pray for you that you never have a tryst with this wholesomeness. It takes away "life" from you."

I very well knew that nobody understood what all I had said. All I needed was just to make a few more minutes pass by.

I added, "I see it on you faces that you have understood not even a bit of this philosophy. I know nobody likes these talks and I also know that a few of you might be saying to yourselves ‘Hey, what is this guy up to today’."
"And if you are thinking that I am just wasting your time, then my answer is yes."
"Read my lips – I was just making time pass by."

"If you remember, there was a question; you people had asked me - on my book, some 15 minutes back. Well, I guess, we don’t have any time for discussing about it. It’s time for me to go now."

"For all this time I had been off-putting you people and preventing you all from making me tell more about something I am reluctant to."

"I have made you forget the main topic we were discussing. But as you know I have to leave now."

"And yes. One more thing, I am sorry. I have made you people think about what you weren’t really supposed to. I haven’t riposted the question on the book yet. All this time I was just distracting you with some stupid concepts. I have cheated you."

"Good bye".

Why I hate Harry Potter

2005-11-20T03:38:00.000-06:00

If deception, cheating, envy, hatred, jealousy, magic, black magic for that matter, are the evil concepts you appreciate and affirm, then this is the best time for you to stop reading this article. This is probably because of the fact that I intend to pull down any person who propagates these devilish passions among the multitudes of novel readers and television viewers around the world – children below 15 being the chief victims.

J K Rowling - I do really salute the mettle in this personality. She is undoubtedly a gem of a novelist, and I personally have no grudges against her. But it’s the ideas she has puts in her books, unintentionally, which make me go nuts. Now that she is the wealthiest of all the female writers in the world, I also believe she is the most powerful of them too. This is because she has a hold on millions of minds, both young and adult. Buts it’s the children who are the ones still in their growing stages, and they catch up with every notion taught to them – good or bad. (I hope everyone agrees with me when I say children learn very fast.) And this hurts me. Deception, cheating, envy, hatred, jealousy and black magic are the teachings they are being given. And the irony is that they are too happy to learn them.

It is very well a sign of depleting morals in our society. Not getting much into this topic of morals and principles, in a nut shell I’d like to say that we have begun to get entertained by evil.
It’s not just this book that is cementing these concepts. Every work that depicts the victory over evil has in a way or the other done this. The logic seems to be weird but we seldom understand that it is the evil things that look more fascinating and entertaining than the good ones.

It is not just the written material stuff that is to be blamed. The movies, the television; it’s all a part of this powerful "industry" of entertainment. Here too, all the above said concepts are depicted in animation and as we all know that a single picture is worth more than a ten thousand words, it’s simply more damaging.
And of course, the violence - it is so liked and loved by all of us. The stunts, the action scenes are so often discussed, appreciated and sometimes imitated too. It is enjoyed to such an extent that we become highly fragile when frustrated, and subsequently get aggressive. Here, emotional intelligence is baffled and ceases to have a control on us.

There has been a survey in the United States of America which says than an average 14-yead-old child, in all his lifetime of 14 years has viewed 11,000 hours of violence on the television. Now, it is believed that a person becomes an expert in whatever he spends time with, for 9,000 hours. So, it’s becomes obvious that we have children who have expertise in violence. Wow, we are so well civilized. Aren’t we?

It won’t be much difficult for me a task to go on pin pointing the disadvantages of the entertainment we like to have. I only don’t do it fearing that even my article will start sentertaining you. What you need to do is to think and act. Now I am nobody to make you think, but all I can say is "Choose wisely what you learn and teach". That is all.

I Have Learned - By Irfan Hussain

2005-11-20T03:31:00.000-06:00

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. (Amen to that!)
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kind of happy about it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it
I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Dare to see failure?

2005-11-16T02:54:00.000-06:00

A simple query from my friend about my preparations to confront the failure to have what I’d like to, got me to thinking.

The very word failure made me drive some saliva into my throat. I could, with ease, feel that word deep in there, the visible reaction of my emotional intelligence on physical appearance. But I had to reply; I am supposed to be answerable for everything around me. As I looked up to him, I could only see a blurred image of his for my eyes were moistened. Why on earth did he have to ask this?

There was an incredible spurt of emotions within me and it took me some time to gather myself. But this was something I should have asked myself long back when I started to dream. I was now face-to-face with a question which was trying the positive attitude in me. I could also feel the jolt of my impetuous reacting knack being damaged. From nowhere out of my mouth came, "I am a damn selfish person. When I, some time in my being, sit down to write a book on my life, I’ll put that loss in golden words and make people be in awe of it."